I wish pencil can make me bleed. Bleed out the negative shit that people say. You know! The shit that gets stuck in your head! I feel like everyone’sagainst me. Scratch that. I know it. But I can’t make myself bleed at school. That’s because I don’t have the things to do it. But I can try. Go harder and harder . Deeper and deeper. I WILL strike blood. And hopefully  stop the pain inside. I don’t want people to know. Keep it a secret. The pain a secret. My tears a secret. The pencil that I’m suppost do math with a secret. And the […]

I’m not going to make this poetic, I’m just going to be straight and explain how I feel and what I’ve tried.

I’m 19 years old and the last time I talked to a doctor to be prescribed medication for my “mild-moderate” depression was about half a year ago.

I tried fluoxetine (prozac) for quite some time, but ended up feeling less and less, which I noticed and depressed me further, so after some months of use I eased myself off it.

Now, last year was the best and worst year of my life. I met a girl, early on in uni who I liked and befriended, nothing […]

All my parents do is yell at each other bottle it up and take it out on me. All I’ve I just want to run its all I’ve ever wanted to do get away from them.

I’m tired of nothing working right for me.

I’m tired of my life being so shitty.

I’m tired of having no one.

I’m tired of forever battling with my emotions and with depression.

And I’m tired of trying.

Broken silence,

Screams of defiance,

screaming again

Crowded inside,

my brain is purged

Of Feeling and Heart,

Submerged

Derailed, defiled, and fragmented

Mistaken as demented,

instead of tormented

Missing pieces,

missing links

Jailed,

I’m frail

in this thinking

Jailed,

I’ve failed

The walls are shrinking.

Can’t run away,

Can’t run towards.

Stuck in silence.

Broken silence.

I stopped caring.

I stopped loving.

I stopped worrying.

I stopped asking.

I stopped playing.

I stopped taking my medication.

I stopped talking to my friends.

I stopped..

I think my friend might be dead.. she send me “prob won’t text back ever sick of this shite bye”..
I’m so fucking worried crying my eyes out.. if I go to school tomorrow and shes not in its goodbye. FINALLY
I am so fucking scared with no way of contacting her.#help
tomorrow will decide my fate.

I wanna hide.

From everyone.

My friends.

My Family.

My enemies.

I wanna hide from the world.

I never wanna show my face again.

I wanna stay in a dark room.

And never come out.

I wanna be alone..forever.

Seeing her today made me realize I like her a lot more than I thought. Shit…  She is just amazing. I remember going to her house and her telling me. Almost in tears  it seemed. Saying ” I really do like you. To be honest I would date you! But I am a *****. You might not think so. And yes I really do like you. But I just don’t want to fuck your life up.” I didn’t say anything. Because I couldn’t.

The day before I went to her house I got a text from her saying ” Ugh. The guy I was hanging out […]

This website is doing more harm than help for me. Please remove and delete everything associated with this account. Please and thank-you!

I am losing a fight to a battle that i will never win. I have bipolar and i have been manic for the past couple of months and if you dont know manic means extremely happy. but as you also may know, after mania comes a period of severe depression. I am fighting that off lately. I can feel it creeping on my and its right there within reach of me and i am becoming to tired or fighting to ward it off any longer. I am going to my psychiatrist tomorrow and im going to tell her that ive been feeling really down lately. […]

When everyone gets here, they’re suddenly closet poets?

– You’re a coward. – they say when listening to the compliments of a person who just about to kill herself/himself.
Usually these persons who are trying to be clever are the biggest cowards in the world.
In my eyes suicidals much more braver than anyone else. Starting a fight with the unknown darkness, now that’s something. It’s always easy to say “Life is hard and you have to be tough”. What about death, you idiot? What’s up when you have to face death? I tell you: you will be a f’in rabbit then and will pray for your worthless life. Thats’ you and you’re […]

For no reason in particular. Nothing bad happened to me. It’s just been one of those really down days and i can’t seem to drag myself back up again.

It started out fine. I stayed in my boyfriend’s last night. Got up early, got ready for class, he left for work. Got to class, included myself in some conversations, actually laughed a few times. Then i dunno, all started going downhill i guess. My mood just crashed. Same old same old what am i doing with my life arguement. I’m fed up crying over how i’ve messed my life up. I’m good for nothing. I haven’t […]

No matter what I do, or how many resumes I send off or hand out I get nothing back.
I had one interview since I quit my last job two months ago, the lady pretty munched offered me a job during the interview! But of course she wanted to talk to my refereences ha ah ha, fuck.
It was only on Friday though so hopefully she calls by the end of this week.
I don’t know what else I can do.
I’m hopeless and unemployable because I have no skills or talents.
I mean, I could loose weight and try to do boy magazines but […]

I discovered this site yesterday through Google or something, I can’t really remember. Immediately, I thought I should become a part of it, whether to just help myself or to help anyone who needs it.

I would really like an online friend or something. Just someone I could speak to about all the difficult times and the things I’m thinking or feeling, and they could do the same. I could tell them all these things and it wouldn’t matter too much because I wouldn’t have to see them in person and have awkward polite conversation.

I’m not the person to speak to if you wish to just […]

suicide is

a permanent solution

to a

temporary problem.

 

you should ask.

i could answer

make everyone laugh.

 

it’d be great if

i could make you think.

make you realize that

suicide

is real.

and people feel it.

and people do it.

and rational consideration-

‘how will this affect others?’

-doesn’t come into play.

 

because pain is

real.

pain can make us do

stupid things

if we’re not

strong enough.

stupid things

like acting on it.

 

it’s an intense need to

escape

coupled with a limited understanding

of what death is

of what death can do

how it can

damage

and not solve anything at all.

 

it’s when you feel

powerless

to change things

hopeless

pointless

futile.

 

you KNOW

people will be hurt

because you did it

but

it doesn’t matter then

it doesn’t register

because

staying alive to keep them reassured-

maintaining, so they won’t have to suffer

while you do…

it’s not […]