Did you delete your last post.? I think your sister generality give’s a shit about you. Pay here the same respect.?
” Who are you to judge the life I live?
  I am not perfect and I don’t have to be!
  Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”
i hate living in this stupid and worthless society.. i cannot find anything interest in this life , all i have found so far is pain and tears. i tried many this to make myself happy but nothing worked. am i the only one feeling like this?? i can feel myself fading everyday.. little by little i am losing the grip…i have isolated myself from others. i need a someone who feels just like me… s.tck40@yahoo.com if u like drop me a message 940772625250
Feeling even lower and lower…group sucked today,talking about BPD and mainly about how it affected the people in their lives and how THEY could cope. Also talked about how therapists need help dealing with us psychos. Sorry,if you signed up for that job,you shouldn’t be complaining about how miserable the people who are paying your bills are making you feel.
 I posted on the helium post,I am “testing” a tank and have some questions. if anyone else is familiar with the research,please message me or reply to my post there. No,Im not doing anything at the moment,just research. Though this weekend is going to suck […]
So my phone just went off with a reminder that today would have been a year since I started (officially) dating my ex. Which makes me wonder. Did I actually think things would last? Or did I know things would turn to shit like always, and just wanted to leave myself another little reminder of pain? Not that it really hurt. Just another disappointment. The world is filled with those..
December 22, 2011
I’ve been fascinated by this site for a while so I thought I would give it a try.
Strangely though when I tried registering, this appeared:
ERROR: Invalid IP address.
ERROR: Speedy Gonzales was here.
ERROR: Registration stopped by Sabre.
What’s with Speedy Gonzales? and Sabre?
Anyway, I suppose I’m supposed to say a little bit about myself.
I’ve been depressed for the past 4 or 5 years with repeated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I’ve deduced that these feelings stemmed from my mom urging me to get high grades back then when I was younger and continuously comparing me to my much smarter peers. Now however, she […]
I wrote this last night when I had no one to talk to.. Just before my ex started emailing me again..
I hope you know:
That the world spins circles around her.
Catches her in a whirl wind of emotions.
Tangles her up in the lies,
And the hatred for the love she used to have,
With a lover who’d said he loved her.
I hope you know:
That she’ll never forget the moment,
When he ended it all,
Went back on his word,
Broke all of his promises.
The day he stole her heart.
I hope you know:
That she’s not alright, not whole,
Not molded together […]
First I’d like to point out that I have had both my grandfather and a close girlfriend commit suicide, my girlfriend did so with a gun while I was on the phone with her back in 2007. I spend an ample amount of time alone now, because I have nobody to be around, no one to talk to. My thoughts continue to poison me more with every moment. A girl that I believe I have a crush on now, who knows the way that I feel has no time for me. I was browsing several suicide prevention sites yesterday, doing everything I could to deceive […]
Under Anesthesia you just don’t sleep you lose consciouness it self. I remember when i was a kid going under. Say remember. I don’t remember shit.
Anesthesia take’s away consciouness. No dreaming No anything. I guess that’s what being dead is like.?
Ok so you are not conscious. But not dead. (my body.) I mean. Still functional. Anesthesia take’s away consciouness. So my subconscious kick’s in.?
Doctor’s shine a light in you eye’s to see they dilate. If they don’t that mean’s you dead.
I’m trying to find out if you are under anesthesia dose this still happen.? I think it dose. (sub conscious.) So i’ve googled it and all i’m […]
I think to myself, What if I did pulled the trigger? What if I did overdose on those pills? Just what If damn it?!! I guess I’m still waiting for a BIG arugment to happen with my family  just to give me the green light. But they are all too sweet and innocent. I’m looking for reasons to kill myself but I have yet to find one to give me the courage to do so. I think about it 24/7. I wish I would get into a car accident. I wish someone would pull a gun out on me and pull the trigger. I wish […]
I wrote this just before cutting myself. I guess you could say I was feeling a little depressed. I don’t actually have plans to really kill myself right now, this is just how I felt:
When others turn their backs,
When others run away,
Leave you hanging on the noose.
Let the air leave your lungs,
Breathe your last breath.
Hold strong to the promise that things may be better.
That they may become new,
Or finally dissapear.
Don’t fret, for soon it will be over.
Soon you will breathe your last breath.
They left you, dangling,
But do not scream for help.
Be calm, accept what is to come.
The promise of an end,
A new begining,
A place to […]
Tonight.. I lay in my room thinking. Thinking, about cutting. How lush it would feel, to bite into my skin. Feel a little, bleed a little. And the thought is so relaxing.
No, I can’t do it. I said I’d stop. I have to get better.
But I do. Oh, I do. Things just got worse, and old habits die hard. Weapon of choice? A pocket knife. A present from old paps. One he made me swear never to use against myself. So it’s funny father, isn’t it? How after all these years you’ve still managed to find some way to hurt me.
Small but deep. I think I cut through most of […]
‘life is a butterfly, one day it’s just going to spread it’s wings and fly away’
I know that doesn’t make much sense, I wanted it to come across as everybody Is going to die. I’ve been suicidal for a while now…. I self harm and I have OCD. Most of the suicidal thoughts come when I’m really pissed off from OCD related things, teachers at school know and I think that they attempted to help me, they also told my parents which hasnt helped much. Life just feels hopeless at the moment… I’ve researched suicide so many times until I finally came across this […]
Keep your feet on the ground while your heads in the clouds.
Easier said than done, am I right?
Fuck my life. I seriously wish I’d never been born, then I wouldn’t experience this fucking shit world.
Things start to go right for me only for a crumbling finish. Fuck it. Just fuck everything, life seriously is not worth the fucking hassle at best of times. I’ve been cutting, the pain feels great; nothing feels better I promise you all.
There are no second chances people, you get what you’re given and if you fuck up then you’ve fucked up. Not a damn thing anybody can do […]
What does man love more than life
Fear more than death or mortal strife
What the poor have, the rich require,
and what contented men desire,
What the miser spends and the spendthrift saves
And all men carry to their graves?
Just came down from zopiclone, missed them sooo much, only have 2 left which i gotta save for suicide, since i love being high, i wanna be high when i die.
My doctor said he won’t prescribe me with anymore zopiclone this year, so i’m guessing he either means next year literally or next year as in my age, i’m 17.
So i’m gonna call them (the place where he works at) next tuesday or so, next year, and see if they can fill my prescription, if they can’t and i gotta be 18 for them to refill it or whatever, i’ll most likely off myself that […]
well I’ve decided i want to get better. so i told my mom and asked her if i couldnt go to therapy. to be honest im loking forward to it. not sure if thats a good thing or not…
but i still feel “not myself” around my friends and family. the only i am myself around is basically my boyfriend, which is good. he seems to be the only one that can make me really smile and laugh 🙂
my friend still isent talking to me, im pretty sure its becuz of my secret but im not sure yet. i wanto to talk to her, […]
Look in the mirror:
To see yourself a stranger
An unknown monster
Which slithers in the night
Lurks in the darkest closest
And never comes out to play.
See yourself a child
A frightened unknown soul
Someone lost and so confused
Who’s too tough to give in
But too stuborn to let go
See yourself a mess
Someone who’s lost control
Who got pushed into darkness
Spun into hell
And who doesn’t know how to
stop it.
Everything seems good …I have moved on..I can smile..work..I act like Im ok..yes Im ok but deep inside my heart I just don’t wanna live like this ..I can’t handle my suffering ..It’s just so hard to live without him ..but yeah I still have to live for my family and my son..
Homeless and 22.
What’s the point in anything.
I want to just hang myself in my parents backyard.
I left to California for a job since I lost mine here. Then my boss got a DUI and couldn’t pay me anymore so i headed back to Washington.
They say no I can’t come back home… It’s winter!!
With no money no car no friends(they all moved)
Can’t even pawn this stupid iPod.
It’s just like why bother?