Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. i keep seeing my dads dead body when I close my eyes at night or I dream that he is still alive. It’s twisted because when I was still in the womb he attempted to stab me. I hated hearing that as I grew up. He was a drug addict, and had about 6 fatal infections leading up to his death. The flesh eating one is what killed him two years ago a week before my 16th birthday. We had a rocky relationship. From the age of 6-12 he abused me. I lived with him […]
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16th Birthday
I found this site about a year ago on my sister’s laptop. She was 15 then, and it was exactly three weeks before her 16th birthday. She’d declined my parents the joy of setting up a “sweet 16” party for her, because she didn’t want to give them the joy of setting it up. Then on her 16th birthday, she killed herself. I never got to ask her about the site, or why she always did everything she could to make our parents angry, now it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know if she had an account, I only know the site appeared on her […]
Today, I turned 18 years old.
On my 16th birthday, after crying myself to sleep, I vowed to never cry over my family again. Instead of focusing on all of the things that were destroying me, I focused on the diet I had started about 10 days prior. It took control of my entire life. By July I weighed less than 100 pounds, my bones stuck out, but I still wanted to be skinnier. I rarely ate, but when I did, I made sure to throw it up.
I started recovering last summer, June 2012. It went well for awhile, but once school started back […]
wow, what i crazy past few weeks.
lets see, um i week ago, after not being able to talk to my bf for over a week, he actually messaged me back saying that it wasnt going to work out.. that he only asked me out on spur of the moment feelings and that he did care about me… what a load of crap. I actually did cut some more, and i do regret them this time. For once, i actually found someone that i wanted to be with and he dumped me. I feel like absolute shit.
Anyway my 16th birthday is in 25 days and my […]
so today is the big day, my 16th birthday. it was great at school. i heard happy birthday from all of my friends, got all of the attention blah blah blah. that’s nice and all but what i would die for right now would be for my mom to tell me. it’s almost 4 oclock and i have yet to hear those 2 words come out of her mouth. this may sound selfish of me to some people. but i am just someone who lives and breathes for my mom to accept me, and to be interested in me. but oh well. i’m looking into […]
I’ve had it for a long time. I’m tired of feeling this way everyday, Im tired of being the fuck up that I am and Im tired of wondering when all of this will end. I won’t and I can’t do this any longer! This will be my last week and then it’s time for me to go. I have no idea what the other side holds for me but the thought of staying here is unbearable. My 16th birthday is less than a month away, but I can’t go that long…I just can’t! Im going to spend my last couple of days creating good […]