where to even begin

so today is the big day, my 16th birthday. it was great at school. i heard happy birthday from all of my friends, got all of the attention blah blah blah. that’s nice and all but what i would die for right now would be for my mom to tell me. it’s almost 4 oclock and i have yet to hear those 2 words come out of her mouth. this may sound selfish of me to some people. but i am just someone who lives and breathes for my mom to accept me, and to be interested in me. but oh well. i’m looking into spending the night in my room, listening to music. maybe i’ll even work up the motivation to rent pitch perfect on itunes haha. to say the least this has been the worst i’ve been in a while. it’s just so hard for me because when my mom and i are good, were GREAT and there’s nobody in the world i would trade her for. but we were bad we’re awful. she won’t even look me in the eye, says not to talk to her after my appointments on friday. appointments for what you ask? just being mentally tested because she is on a never-ending search to find some medical reason as an excuse that makes me, me. she had me at a young age and isn’t the best parent. she sees this picture that mothers and their daughters don’t fight… or maybe she does acknowledge that but she thinks for some reason that we fight worse. okay so maybe we do. but it’s not all me, i promise. i have been through some shitty stuff in my life making me who i am. moving so much, my grandpa who both of us were closer than ever too dying, my mom turning gay, my dad kicking me out and wanting nothing to do with me. i don’t know, but i feel like i have somewhat of an excuse to be a little bit moody at times. it’s just crazy because at school you would NEVER expect the life that i have at home. i am all smiles 24/7. not to be cocky, but i am in the quote on quote “popular group…” getting guys has never been hard for me and i’m pretty athletic. sometimes i wish i could just stay at school all of the time. there it’s like i have a normal life. but when i come home it’s all i can do not to just go to bed or cry. when i’m not grounded i have such a great time and honestly feel like i behave better at home! but the thing is is that i am ALWAYS grounded. i walk down the stairs a little too loud for my moms liking and my phone is gone. i don’t just hop right up when she asks me to do something i’m grounded for the next 4 weeekends. it’s just if my mom treats me so bad and always complains about how she hates my attitude and how i’m so miserable to be around, why won’t you unground me then? so i never have to be home. but nooooo this is supposedly teaching me a lesson. being grounded 2/3 of the time is just the norm to me now. it’s not teaching me any kind of lesson. just ruining my social life. i want new ways of dealing with my life, i want to change my home life desperately, but what can i do? i have no idea. i just want this life to be over. i want to be someone else.