i’m a 17 years girl , muslim , algerian , i will pass my baccalaureat this year , i’m a good student , very shy , never was in a relationship , i follow my religion’s orders , but my life sucks , my parents are married for 21 years , but they hate eachother since their first year , but my mom was very patient for a long time , she expected that my father will treat her well when she have kids or when we grow , and so we’re in hell , each time my father does something unexpectable , unimaginable , […]
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21
I’ve always been an incredible writer. I was praised for my writing talents as a young child and still to this day. I am only 21, but I feel like I’ve lived forever. For some reason, writing (or typing) this is extremely hard right now. Maybe it’s because I’ve written a few suicide notes before and all it did was cause me to hurt others I care about rather than explain how I feel. I tend to think it’s a lack of understanding on their part, but my heart tells me it simply is me.
I guess this letter is to someone who I really, […]
I’m turning 21 in a month. I’ve felt this way, at least to some degree, as long as I remember. Everyone always tells me “time heals all”. I don’t feel like anything has been healed. I’m stuck. The only way to discribe how I’m feeling is I’m in a clear box full of water, literally drowning in my own tears, but there is no way out. I can see everyone that I care about and people who care about me and those who say they do.. they are living their lives but all causally glancing over at me. Because they’ve all tried to “fix ” […]
I had an epiphany today. Sitting in my geometry (or geography… Maybe it’s geology. I really don’t know) class it came to me; I know how I’m going to die. I’m gonna call some local dive bar up (because what will transpire shouldn’t be witnessed by anyone under 21) and tell them I’m a Romanian Gypsy magician called Bogdan the Mysterious, and am come a long way to teach the wonders of the gypsy people to the west. Once they give me the ok, I look for 8 willing midgets and a trained juggling bear to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity.
When the […]
I think you can go home soon, soul.
21 years old, I have loved, was loved in return, laughed, cried, hated, etc.
What more does this life hold for me except basically repeat?
I remember standing there with tears in my eyes looking at the river saying “I am proud of having managed to live twenty one years. Twenty one years.”
That was about 8 months ago.
I have a job and friends and medication but the pain keeps coming back. Do I have to, do I want to bear it until my body, inevitable as it is, dies someday?
Why not speed things up. For so many years my soul […]
I was foolish to think that I could have a happy birthday. In what world would I ever deserve one day where nothing went wrong? One day where I could feel happy and celebrate 21 years of surviving depression, anxiety, and just overall shitty life? No. It would be my last huge milestone birthday that would just take the cake. No pun intended… Happy fucking 21st birthday to me! Complete with family drama, friends telling me I’m a piece of shit, and being spat on for trying to help. I am so sorry world. If I am that much of a disappointment and hassel, I’ll […]
it all started when i was 11 my dad passed away, after living a rich life my family lost all there money and we lived in poverty.
my mother has bipolar and after my dad passed away she spent all of the money on things we did not need.
I fell in love with a girl at age 15 and her parents hated my guts because my family is not rich and they are, because i loved the girl so much i tried my best to become a young successful entreprenuar so i opened up a little cell phone shop to prove to her parents that i […]
I was ok for a little while….wasn’t having any suicidal thoughts until WHAM.
Now once again, I’m questioning if I’m going to make it to 21.
New here. I have battled bi-polar and major depression for years. Spent almost 4 years more in the hospital than out of it. Been on enough meds to support a pharmacy, 18 ECT treatments, you name it. From when I was first diagnosed, at 21, until I was 33, I had one therapist who stuck with me, no matter what. And I threw some major drama at him back in the day. It has seemed that I have to rise from the ashes every day, and each time, there is less of me there. Now 45, My physical health has deteriorated; back surgery, thyroid problems, […]
i swear i have been through so much in my 21 years of age, any other person would’ve killed themselves.. im not there yet. but there isn’t a time that i don’t think about it. im at the point where its so hard for me to hold anything in. i just wanna cry and get away from everyone. everyone always ends up hurting me anyways. lol. im just looking for love.. Arent we all tho? isnt that the only thing that kills us. we all crave it and need it. and every time i find it, it turns to shit. its like every time its […]
Hi.
This is my first post. I should probably introduce myself.
I am a 21 year old girl living in New Zealand. I first began to notice a dip in my mood when I was 12-13 but understandably at that age I couldn’t quite get what the feelings were a symptom of. I constantly hit what I thought was rock bottom only to find myself continuing to slide down. I spend years battling it, as well as an accompanying eating disorder, and finally recovered fully in 2013.
I decided to leave home in order to continue my recovery journey. I have been living on my own for the […]
I sit in my room every night weighing up the pro’s and con’s of ending my life? And most days the pro’s out weigh the con’s, but then I remember what I’d been told.
“suicide is a selfish act”.
Is that so? I can’t get my head around which is more selfish. Taking your own life, or being made to live it?
Yes before it crosses your mind I do cut myself, but I do it in random places not in lines so all it looks like is a few normal scars. I probably do it so keep some sort of sense of control so […]
It’s so horrible that I feel like I want to die every day! Like, why me? Why do I deserve to feel this way?! It all started when I was 13, started cutting, burning myself and suicide attempts… But when I was 15 it got so much worse! I had to deal with my 21 years old boyfriend at the time (we were together 10 months) Raping me, hitting me, making me do things that I didn’t want to do, stopping me talking to my friends and begging me to cut myself because he liked the look of it.. Because of him I tried to […]
I really don’t know what I expect to hear, but things are so hard.
I don’t want to say I am depressed. I just act depressed, but I don’t think I am really depressed, because my daily life is not crippled yet. Might be heading there though.
I was doing just fine. About to graduate school, stressed out because I was going to go into the real world and get ready to find a job in my field. Loans were about to kick back, but my little part time was enough.
My boyfriend was with me, so was my mother, father, friends, co-workers, advisers, professors, friends of friends. […]
Im a 21 yr old man and have been suffering from severe depression and even worse social anxiety for about half my life. Ive been a victim to mental,physical, and the worst imo sexual abuse. The last 3 years ive really just wondered why im still here and whats the point when i just isolate myself to my room all day. I actually get kinda pissed somedays especially when im on a drug and alcohol binge and i manage to awake after doing a bunch of dope and drinking jack n cokes. Why does mental health care suck so bad? Ive been to numerous doctors,shrinks,etc. […]
It is 11:21 pm where I am. I know we’re all scattered all over the place so we don’t have the same time zones but…
Goodnight to those about to sleep or sleeping. I hope you all have wonderful dreams and if reality is not good, that your dreams take you as far from it. Sleep well too. I hope tomorrow would offer something better for you.
Good day to the others wide awake. I hope you get by your school, work, etc. alright. Be careful and similarly, I hope that today would have something good in store for you.
Those might be lame or annoying but I […]
Today is some sort of miracle for people around here, because it’s almost 70℉ (that’s something like 21 â…‘ ℃) – a radical change from the wintery, disgusting crap we’ve been getting over the past few months. The sun actually exists now, and people are throwing Frisbees around campus (I was dumbfounded, too) just for shits and giggles, I guess. I’ve read journals that say that winter is typically a shit time for depression, because there’s no sun or Vitamin D or much else interesting in that area.
So, here’s to a less depressing spring. And summer, and whatever else there is.
Oh, […]
I have meddled with suicide, sure. That changed when my father showed his nonchalance towards my death.
“Go ahead and jump,†he said.
Just two months ago some 21 year-old guy plunged from the 19th floor of a shopping mall here, and DIED. Everyone around him carried on as usual. Though plenty of Facebook shares from mortals pretending to care, while they barely know a thing about the guy and the hell he went through (lots of gory pictures too!). It was in the news as well. Would not go into details but my godmother knew him in person, so I know the backstory a […]
I’ve been waiting to buy my own bottle to end my life with and im terrified. As though I can’t possibly do it, but im going to make myself. I like life, I cant stand myself and all the things I don’t know.. Im not very excited, just sad. am I crazy to feel I dont want to do this but its for the best? fuck, whats crazy anyway, I know this is for the best. why am I so afraid.. I dont want to do it myself.. it astounds me everyday that I live alongside humans that can build skyscrapers, entertain millions with their […]
I have posted on this subject before but wondered who new may be willing to share their despair and/or dying songs. Â I hope, intend to terminate my time here with a damn good soundtrack blasting into my ears.
Eddie Vedder – Guaranteed, Far Behind, Society (from Into the Wild soundtrack)
Jeff Buckley – Hallelujah
Green Day – 21 Guns
REM – Try Not To Breathe
REM- I Wanted to Be Wrong, Why Not Smile
Crowded House – Weather With You
Yo Yo Ma and Alison Krauss – Simple GiftsÂ
THANKS for any suggestions everyone, I appreciate it.