Why am I still alive?! I’ve been drinking antifreeze for the past two weeks! Believe me, enough of it to kill 6 adults. Why am I just falling asleep like it’s nyquil?!!! What the fuck?! I don’t believe in religion, I don’t want to talk about it, and don’t offer me help. I know life is suffering and I’m trying to fucking leave! Why can’t I get out?! I’m just here killing time.
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alive
i see myself as a realist. the glass is full to me half with liquid and half with vapor; but it’s all water. i will never tell anyone that it gets better. the older i get, the harder everything is. i do think it is worth getting out of bed each day, even if i’m not working. i live for fleating moments of happiness. it’s always something simple. i take joy in nature. just a 5 minute walk can change my mood. but in general, my heart is half full of hate & half with love. i am good at hiding the hate, but after […]
I don’t know what I’m doing. People always say “there is reason for living, there is reason to stay alive” but I don’t see that. What’s my reason? My 3 best friends of 3.5 years that stopped talking to me two days before my birthday? My dad that left when I was two weeks old?
A friend of mine once said to me (before his girlfriend blocked me on his account) “You can’t say no one else has any reason for living.” but what I was trying to say to him was, why are any of us alive? What is the point of life? We aren’t […]
There probably isn’t any meaning in life. Perhaps you can find something interesting while you’re alive. Like how you found that flower. Like how I found you. – Orochimaru
This quote & someone on here once telling me to “be strong, have resolve”…those are the only two things keeping me here. Pathetic, I know.
Its hard knowing that you’re never good enough and it’s harder to know that every body actually think the same.
Sometimes it would be great knowing that people believe in you. Sometimes it would be great to also not feel worthless, it would be good to not feel like a total shit. Sometimes it would be great knowing that things you do aren’t complete shit. Sometimes it would be great to not wake up everyday of your life thinking about ending it all.
Sometime just sometimes i wish wishes came true, so i could wish knowing that it might come true, […]
I come alive, when I’m falling down. I let myself go, ’til I hit the ground.
When I’m there, at the edge, in this moment I feel it I know, I come alive when I’m falling down.
I forgot how to live.
I forgot how I usually react and respond to things. I forgot how to reply. I forgot how to socialise. I don’t know how to do all that.
I forgot how to be normal.
This is hard.
Maybe being alive isn’t my forte.
I have a good life most would say,a family who cares about me, friends, we’re not rich but we have a good life…and yet, everyday when I go out to live the same routine over and over again, I wish that something bad happens to me, a car accident, a robbery going wrong, being struck by thunder…I don’t know, I don’t want to live anymore, I just…can’t, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I feel so unhappy when everyone says that I should be fine, and at the same time I’m too coward to take out my own life, I keep thinking about […]
I have set a new termination date, and I plan to depart next week. Hopefully this time I do not screw up and end up still alive. I feel trapped, and that I have to make this decision. Although I have been depressed and suicidal for the past seven years, I feel as though my feelings have catalyzed within the past few weeks. I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sick and tired of being a stupid, worthless,and hated burden on those that are around me. I am nothing more than a failure. I don’t […]
Fight your enemy.
First destroy his heart,all he loves, and all who love him back.
Next destroy his mind and philosophies.
Finally, cripple him with a single shot.
Now I lay in a state of nothing.
I am dead yet alive for I have defeated my ene-me.
Am I the only one who uses alcohol/pot to get through the day? I mean I know it’s not good in the long run, but in the moment it helps. I get to a point where I literally cannot bear the pain, it’s just too much, and I honestly feel that if I didn’t have to booze to wear me out and let me forget i would drive straight to the Golden Gate Bridge and jump. I feel like booze have saved my life a couple times this week, I just drink to the point where I don’t have the energy or motivation to hurt […]
Tired of disintegrating under the weight of my own fear of disintegration. Tired of watching everything I suffered so hard to build, crumble away, to slide back into the trauma I desperately want to distance myself from. Tired of the fear of disintegration, only to have it happen in actuality, and have all of my worst fears come true, for the x-teenth time: To relieve my worst experiences, those that caused me to be like this, over and over and over, in the context of current work relationships as I try to make my money and pay my rent, barely scraping by, wondering what I’m […]
Life was always shit. I wish i just got cancer, but of course i have to slowly become a vegetable. How can even shit like neurological ilness exist, i would abort myself on the first day if i knew about it. I’m surrounded by trash that live like they can’t do anything and that’s really annoying. Retards don’t know how it feels to become dead alive. Doctors are funny as well, takes 2 simple tests to confirm the sickness and it takes a year to do anything.
I’m so tired of this bullshit, fuck your school, your work and your pathetic lives. I’m not going […]
“With This Knife”
I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down
No matter how i try i don’t know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain
With this knife i’ll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i’ll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
I can’t believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million […]
ok…i know i havent posted in awhile….so the update……….. i moved back to my moms to only find out my exgf was alive and she went out with my best friend…….i loved her so much and she hurt me like that……my best friend thinks that deep down she still loves me but just doesnt want to admit it and i really just dont care anymore….i use to go out with this girl named stacie and she broke my heart….she was everything to me….i dont understand why it happens to me…..well lme and my exgf got to be friends and everything and stacie was like her […]
so I guess this is my own first personal entry here. sharing personal stories has never really been my thing but I ll give it a try.
I grew up in a what most people would probably call ‘golden cage’.
daddy a big-company manager, mummy a doctor. broom-stick-up-their-asses-rich-people.
From early age on I was their marionette; had to learn how to play the piano so they could show off with me at their business dinners; made me take ballett lessons; the list is as long as time and filled with various stereotypes it s not even funny. Whenever I did not obey I was either beaten […]
I feel that the world should pay and those i envy should feel my pain. Why cant i be like him, he is beautiful fits in and finds friends anywhere. I lock myself away from the world my soul it hollows every day. When i feel pain it makes me feel alive again, oh what i would do to feel joy and to be alive. I wish we could trade places but then i dont wish this feeling on anyone to everyone. Sometimes i want to go out on a bang so my message could be hurd unlike every other suicide that is forgotten. Other […]
Just posting again cause I’m alive still. Tracking life I guess.
To say get better when you don’t have to.
To say there’s help when you don’t need it
To live when you don’t want to die
but
It’s hard to stay alive when you can’t stand to open your eyes to another day
You curse the day that you’re awake
You hope today is the day you’re brave
enough to take your life away
Suicide…why do people think I’m crazy?
They’d rather have me alive to watch me slowly die than to take myself out.
I’m looking to escape everyday
hope is finding the way out
I need to get out!!!
Why is it so […]
I looked into everything and decided that I will end my life on my birthday forget moving to nyc and opening a gallery. That dream is dead like my soul and I am not going to waste anymore time…..however I am looking for things to do while I am alive might as well try to have some fun before a greet the gates of hell right…..Sadly my family does not know and the only person I told does not believe me… I decided to do the exit bag however to make sure it works I plan to load up on brooze and sleeping pills. I […]