Tag:

alive

Bring Me the Horizon-Drown

by majesticwalrus 4/15/2015

written by majesticwalrus

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can’t take one more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I’m not okay, and it’s not alright
Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save […]

4/15/2015 2 comments

Suicidal, but afraid to die

by Awovil 4/13/2015

written by Awovil

Well, I’m not sure it’s even called suicidal, but it’s a case if depression either way. But it feels so much more than a depression. All I want right now is to end my life, kill myself, get an early grave. But here’s the fucked up part: I’m afraid of death. I can only imagine that it’s simular to being stabbed multiple times in the heart frequently throughout the day, every fucking day, without dying. I want to end the pain, but I don’t dare. I can’t, but some day I fear that it’ll drive me even more insane. So insane that I actually stab […]

4/13/2015 2 comments

Decisions, Decisions.

by avidore421857 4/13/2015

written by avidore421857

I will start out with saying that I am only alive today out of spite. I have had family and friends who have tried to destroy me, and failed. I have fought to stay alive, and I have had nothing handed to me. I learned how to program, how to make more money in a month than many people see in a year, graduated high school, and survived multiple hospitalizations for various things, none of them being psychiatric. I have only lived this long because I had decided that everyone who had tried to hurt me had been my enemies, and that the greatest suffering […]

4/13/2015 2 comments

Feeling a little down

by brokengirll 4/10/2015

written by brokengirll

“Sometimes I feel like people dont understand me.

But maybe its me who doesn’t understand myself

I struggle day by day,looking for a reason to keep living

By the end of every night, I never find anything

Worthy of a life in this world

So,why am I still alive and havent killed myself yet

The answer is I dont know

My mom, I am sure would be fine if I took my life

She still has my brother, who unlike me is perfect

He isnt a broken down car, waiting for the smallest of things to break down

My brother is smart,good-looking,successful and is very worthy of life

And I have no friends or talents to […]

4/10/2015 2 comments

Going to break a promise

by oldcrow 4/9/2015

written by oldcrow

I know that’s wrong but I can’t do this. I can’t sit here alone all day and stay alive.
Out the door 10.30.
I will stick to what they planned.
Typing that is a bit of a relief.
Peace

4/9/2015 0 comment

living

by thesidewalkqueen 4/2/2015

written by thesidewalkqueen

I feel as though I’m only living for everyone else. My kids, my husband.

I’ve struggled my whole life with abuse, depression, self hate, anxiety.

I’ve attempted suicide 4 times, and managed to somehow still be alive. Another set of failures.

I can’t tell anyone how I really feel, and I just came here to let it out.

4/2/2015 11 comments

I dont care anymore

by doyoureallycare 3/24/2015

written by doyoureallycare

I am 17 and have been suicidal from the age of 11. And I am just going to say that all of you need to stay strong. No matter what happends either talk to someone about it or just try to forget about it. I‘ve tried commiting suicide 4 times.

And to be honest I am tired too, I want to kill myself every day. I might have friends but they have enough of problems without even dealing with me. My boyfriend barely talks to me anymore after I told him about everything.

My parents don’t give a shit about me and my siblings have enough of problems.

I […]

3/24/2015 4 comments

Stagnation, Of Course

by Matt 3/23/2015

written by Matt

Going to use one of those industrial strength zip ties on my hands next time, so even if I want to I won’t be able to save myself.

I am so fucked up.

I’ve hesitated putting anything on here for a couple of days, because I don’t have anything to say anymore.

I wish I didn’t live with people, or at least with people who care so damn much. Checking up on me every hour.

If I was on my own I could spend my last day how I want to. And then the day could wind down to an end and I could just drift off.

So fucking bored […]

3/23/2015 1 comment

survival

by scartopia 3/23/2015

written by scartopia

I made it through my emergency operation

I guess I should be happy that I’m still alive

But I’m not

3/23/2015 1 comment

Buried (almost) alive

by DownNout22 3/21/2015

written by DownNout22

My life is a constant struggle for mediocrity. I feel like Sisyphus in a way. I constantly struggle to achieve anything in my life… but it never amounts to anything.

No matter how hard I try and scrabble out from under the rubble, it’s like my fingers get smacked down by a shovel, or run over by a mower… I can never dig my way out, never get free.

But at the same time, I can’t just do nothing either… if I just don’t try, I get burred down, covered more and more. Suffocating me until I have no choice but to suffocate or to lash out […]

3/21/2015 2 comments

My last year alive.

by miyomiyomiyo 3/15/2015

written by miyomiyomiyo

If kill myself, my dad will blame my mom. Scream at her “You were supposed to be the one watching after her” followed by how he has two jobs, followed about how she doesn’t have a job, about how she should have read the signs, how she was always in the way and the lies will spew on and on until she is sick and lonely and miserable. He will make it all about him and then, with his room locked, he will let my message of how much of a failure as a father he is finally hit him.

I wish suicide was like disappearing, […]

3/15/2015 2 comments

I’m so tired of “trying”

by whyohwhy1113 3/10/2015

written by whyohwhy1113

I just recently was discharged from a psych ward. This was my second hospitalization. I’m still suicidal and have been for a long time. My parents told me today that I need to “try harder to be happy.” I’m just sick of hearing shit like this.

I just feel like dying, how am I supposed to stop all of a sudden. I just don’t understand their logic. I’ve been struggling with depression and self harm for about 8 years now (since I was 10 years old). And haven’t felt happy to be alive in about 2 years. My suicidal thoughts / planning have increased and became […]

3/10/2015 4 comments

Keep Myself Alive from Get Scared

by FreakOfNature 3/4/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I always ask myself

How could this darker cloud make me stronger now.

I’ll always ask myself

When will this go away?

When will this change?

Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.

All of this pain,

Oh! will it, will it go away?

I ask myself this everyday.

[Chorus:]

I just wanna leave this place behind.

Every time I see your face in mine.

I just wanna leave this place behind.

Every time I see your face in mine.

I sink and drink myself to sleep.

Of course I think I’m a lot stronger now.

I gotta catch myself

To kick this over, make it go away.

When will this change?

Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.

Ohhh! of this pain!

Oh! will it, will it […]

3/4/2015 0 comment

What happens after a suicide

by Voidt 2/24/2015

written by Voidt

The aftermath of suicide — Misty lost her son in August 2014 and is struggling to keep his memory alive, prevent suicides and to cope with the heartbreak.

https://todayistblogger.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/the-aftermath-of-suicide-a-mothers-story/

2/24/2015 6 comments

we fight to stay alive.

by alexmckim 2/16/2015

written by alexmckim

We fight and fight to stay alive. Our thoughts always going back to “no one cares” “they are better off without me” “my death would be a blessing to them”. But even though the thoughts are there we fight and fight. We climb to stay alive. But it seems now adays that if your an out cast or your alone or you have a mental or physical disability then your a freak that shouldn’t share the same space as those who are ” better”. I sit here and I see it all the time. Someone says “I’m lonly and depressed” someone would respond “no one […]

2/16/2015 0 comment

Buried alive

by nozmoking 2/14/2015

written by nozmoking

I’ve always had two insurmountable fears. First is the fear of drowning, and second is the fear of being buried alive. When I was a kid I was deathly afraid of dying in a falling elevator but I outgrew that for some reason. Lately though I have been feeling like I have been buried alive. Trapped in a dark, silent coffin in a concrete burial vault beneath six feet of cold, hard dirt. I can kick, I can scream until my tonsils bleed (oh wait, I don’t have any tonsils), I can pound and scratch until my fingers are bloodied and all that I can […]

2/14/2015 2 comments

Valentines day? what?

by Silverbird 2/8/2015

written by Silverbird

I remember last year, I got a really adorable card for someone 1000 miles away that I’d probably never meet anyways…

Someone who would always let me pester then about maybe being in a relationship one day, and gently push me towards finding someone else, the whole ’emotional support’ spheal all along the way…

Someone who, for one of the first times I really felt like saying the hell with it and shooting myself, I wanted to keep talking to all the way to the end…that eventually made me feel like I couldn’t, somehow….

I still have the card, of course…they just wanted pictures of it, rather than […]

2/8/2015 15 comments

Purpose

by Gehenna1992 2/6/2015

written by Gehenna1992

I guess my story can’t exactly be seen as a “suicide story”…
For a few years now I’ve been looking forward without any reason to do so. Call it survival, or monotony I don’t really know. The fact is, passion for something can only take you so far and that’s the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
Why do it? Why not stop? Honestly I don’t like being alive, feels more like some form of torture, I didn’t ask to be alive nor did I wanted to… Maybe I thought it was a competition so I cheated the leading sperm into second […]

2/6/2015 1 comment

Empty

by the12thdreamcatcher 2/5/2015

written by the12thdreamcatcher

People assume that when you are depressed, you are just sad. But in reality, you just feel empty. Like nothing really matters, because at the time, nothing does. You are just stuck in a haze. Your heart is beating and alive but your soul isn’t and sometimes, you don’t know what to do about. Pain comes before depression, and there still is some left during it. THAT is depression.

2/5/2015 1 comment

The only reason I’m still alive

by Sobriquet 1/27/2015

written by Sobriquet

Guilt.

Guilt is my prison cell.

6 concrete walls that confine me into an existence that I hate.

“Why guilt?” some of you may ask.

I feel guilty for the possibility that someone out there that I am not aware of would grieve upon my death.

People who are not there for me in life, yet would experience pain and self-blame if I completed my last task.

Knowing that I could possibly hurt more people than I know by finally ridding myself of the one thing that causes me the most pain –

That’s what confines me here to a joyless, meaningless life.

I need to be around people in real life. I […]

1/27/2015 1 comment

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