Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
“I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.”  — Emilie Autumn (The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls)
I had my first suicidal thought at the age of eight. Two years later, I had what I referred to as “my contingency plan”, consisting of a lethal OD of my mum’s prescribed potassium chloride pills. It was a strange comfort to know that, if everything ever became too much, there was something I could DO, something I actually had […]
Just posting this if anyone decides to care: If there are any caring people left in this world.
For two years i’ve been taking Zoloft for my OCD and depression. January I was put on Lamictal for bipolar disorder. I hate it I just end up throwing up the medicine and the food in my stomach. Some therapists say this is a good thing but for a while my emotions have been fading. All I am able to do is be sad, I used to have very bad anger problems. Lately I cant even stick up for myself I finally decided to drop the medicine. I want my emotions back. With my anger […]
For those of you still reading my story, I thank you. This story I’m telling is a little bit like closer for this chapter in my life. And I hope that reading all this isn’t as bad for you as I am typing it.
In the end of my relationship with my friend, I had reached my boiling point with my friend and her mother. I had told my friend that enough was enough and that her mother had to let her grow up. I was crying and kinda being loud with her, because it hurt me, that I felt this pressure. My friend passive-aggressively was […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
I’ve had suicidal thoughts before, but I’ve always turned to my faith in God and he has brought me out of it. Just recently, a girl who I love so very much, more so than any relationship I have been in before, left me for another man. I have nothing, I would have done anything for her. I did my usual coping methods, drowning out my sorrow with loud music, getting rid of my anger with violent video games, and even turning to God again. Yet this time, when I turned to him, I didnt feel anything. I’ve never questioned my faith before, but now […]
For the past two years, my family has struggled with my mom’s addiction towards alcohol. A year ago, she was told that she wasn’t going to be allowed in our house anymore unless she got help. And she did shortly after. But after awhile, it started again. The drinking, the yelling, the pain, everything. We all knew, my dad, my sister, and I. She, of course, denied it.
About ten days ago, she was served divorce papers from my father. I was on his side, due to the fact that I was hurt, embarrassed, terrorized. She hadn’t realized all the pain she’s caused me for the past two […]
i’m 15 and my life is hell, I need to escape and i fear that death is the only way, i need help or i might do harm to the people around me i don’t want that to happen, all i want is to be free of this anger  and misery or i will die and might take a few people with me. i have thought about taking my life before when i was 10 and my life got worse since then, i need to be free and i have a few ideas on how to kill myself, ODing on pills, slitting my wrists or throat, juming in front […]
I’ve been to the point where i would sit in my room alone crying for hours. ive looked into ways on how to kill myself. ive spit on every one of my friends names. ive been completely depressed. but i got better. i made it better by myself. i have a mother who doesnt get it, doesnt get me, fights with me worse than a teenager. an older sister with a complete anger issue and temper and a little brother who doesnt quite get life right now. a father that tore our family apart for a girl 2 years older than my older sister. it […]
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
“Non playable character.” Or to be more accurate, an AI. An artificial intelligence, played by the game or computer itself. No personality. They’re only there to add little elements to the lives of everyone around it, perhaps to make their gaming more difficult or to allow them to open a new door. I am fully aware I just used a gaming metaphor, and now you know how much of a nerd I am. Not that I am a gamer girl or anything, the only game I’ve played in years is sims. I’m just an idiot kid out of high school with no friends, no skills, […]
I can’t contain this anger!
I fucking hate everything. Cutting doesn’t work so i’ll try burning now.
I’ve always said i would like to just disappear. Now i realise i want to fucking bleed out slowly and die in lots of pain.
Guide my razor tonight. Guide my matches tomorrow.
My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
Hi my name Is Emily and I’m 15 years old. I was diagnosed with depression about 7 months ago. My life hasn’t been the same since. I was dealing with my sexuality, paranoia, anxiety, OCD, school,anger problems and cutting. This all led to my horrible depression. I was hospitalized around Christmas time because of a strangling attempt. I spent Christmas and New Years Eve in the hospital where I stayed for 18 days. Afterwards I started going to an outpatient day program for kids and teenagers with emotional problem called the CDU which stood for Children’s Day Unit. There i met many good friends especially one. Her […]
I don’t know why I was given this life. Seriously I rather be dead than alive. I can’t stand the concept of a “god” because according to “him” he gave me this miserable life I never asked for. Now that I am alive, I have to live it because I’m too much of a wimp to try suicide… I’m too afraid of the pain. I hate my race as well, I can’t stand living in this culture with these uneducated idoits. It gets me angry just to see my race. I won’t say what race it is so I won’t anger people. I don’t like […]
uhm, I’m new to this sort of thing, so, Hello, I have been reading some entry’s today. What sparked my interest in finding this site is that my mother and father are giving me a hard time, my Grandfather died yesterday of a stroke and things before where quite good. Now all of a sudden my friends are leaving me alone, my mother is out to make my bedroom a prison for me and I have so much anger and hatered that I have been keeping in check for a long time.
Im 16 years old, the guy I liked has abandon me, my Grandfather is gone, all […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever […]