Nothing to say.

I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my time doing meaningless homework or reading (things I hated), this caused me to hate school since I was always working, so it led to my bad grades which led to me having even more work at home. The only time I am able to actually play was when my mom and brother are not home. I dont feel like disccusing about my brother lets just say he has anger problems and beats me up if I do something he sees wrong(such as having trash on the floor or school work on the floor). Anyways whenver I did something wrong in my life like get in a fight or et bad grades, my mom would publicly express the shit ive done to my relatives such as grandparents,cousins,etc etc… They think Im the worse child since considering my mom is always shit talking to them about me. Anyways…lets just say everyday, I deal with my mom talking crap to me, accusing me of anything that happens, say a cup is on the table, trash isnt thrown out, laundry isnt done. She expects me to do everything in the house while my sistser (Spoiled since my mom is always buying stuff for her) and brother do what they want. I remember a time when we had a dog, but my mom got mad at me for some reason,( i was 8 I didnt know much) and she just let the dog go out as a punishment because I was the only one who loved the dog. I use to be active while young, occasionally playing with neighborhood kids, BUT it all changed when one of the kids damaged the car, a scratch on it. My mom goes threatning/sueing for money(they ending up paying for it) it shattered me to see my mom take advantage of my friends. I occasionally played with a red ball and play handballwith myself while I was young but she one day got mad when it hit as glass cup, She ended up stabbing the ball in a rage.(Made me hate sports). Basically saying, She messed up how I enjoyed thing and now I dislike them. Anyways in middle school my mom barely talked to me (always ignored me even when asking her for stuff etc -Silent treatment) She began to smash and break stuff whenever she was mad (we had a ps1 and ps2 I played games on whenever I could) she broke them in a rage of my grades,( dont get help on them-I cant even work on homework at home because I am constantly stressed/yelled at. One day she got mad that my room was semi dirty.(end of semester projects didnt give me time to keep it clean) she kicked me out, it was my first time being kicked out, I was in 6th grade and it was about 11:00 at night, I walked around alone to a shopping district, I wandered to a store similar to 7-11, there a indian person(nicest person I met since I was young) let me use the phone and such I called to see if I could come home and my mom replied NO GO kill yourself or something that ment I wasnt allowed back. I stayed for about an hour, the indian person was shutting down his shop, I then just walked about a mile home back… eventually I kept ringing the door and I was let in. I think she let me in because the indian person said ” I will have to call the cops if he cant go home.” He even offered me soda that I denied in respect that he was actually being nice… not that people dont treat me nice its just he helped in a crisis of my life. Anyways I forgot to mention that we moved before I went to middle school-besides that, I had friendsin my new neightborhood BUT even then my mom screwed it up, I use to go over there for the only fun I had during my life but then my mom one day said I went over to your friends out and she said she talked about all the shit ive done in my life and now they think I am the worst child. Later on as time went on, I was kicked out more and more, often staying all night outside wandering around or sitting on the sidewalk. And one day I saw a cat in our backyard, I was walking to it and I accidently touched a water pipe and it had a crack in it squirting water out(My mom this time threatens if I dont get out- she will kill me, I stayed in and she lost it and hit me with a tennis racket breaking my arm, I ran out and stayed a couple hours not sure what to do. I was let back in, we didnt go to hospital, she refused medical help for me. eventually it healed back, It was self bandaged… anyways like always she is always taking anything that makes me happy( i also forgot to say we got a new dog( it had puppies) (7/8 lived) she got mad one day and basically let them all run away in a attempt to treat me like shit(She takes out her anger on me all the time. Anyways Im sorry if this seems a bit long or badly typed, I am typing as fast as I can, this is not my computer, I dont have access to one which I will explain further on.—- Anyways one time she called the cops because she I was mad at her, she had taken away a laptop that I used to play games on. She accused me of being out of control, she normally takes something dear or loved by me as a punishment. She called the cops in a way to punish me, But she then called them off. I guess she wasnt use to it YET<<< ANyways Im going to condense a lot of what happened upon entering highschool.Keep in mind I am always stressed in my life(school is already stressful and I have to deal with a lot more at home.  Anyways I got my brothers old laptop, but my mom-got mad at took a hammer to smash it right in front of me saying ” if you dont listen to me I will smash it, ” I replied with “calm down your going crazy” she then smashed it… Anyways My dad began to eter my life for about a few months, but throughout my life, I was told he was bad,violent etc, But when we met, we had that family moment that how everyones suppose to expierience,(treated normally like how any other loving family is ) Anyways she then took this away from me, basically at first I hated him thinking he never came for me when i was young, he bought me a ds, we watched movies together, we had food But then my mom went to court etc legal jargon and I never met him again. I later then learned… he was giving me the love I never had growing up and my mom took steps in court to take it away from me. I never saw him to this day. Anyways my mom got mad and snapped the ds in half when mad etc etc… on black friday she bought me a laptop 😀 I was happy but then she got mad, and sold it to someone as a punishment… her anger has gotten worse and worse, after freshmen year of hs, I got a job, that I was forced to get by my mother, I earned up to 3k that summer, I bought a high performance computer for gaming and school-I bought it without telling her, She at the time wanted FULL CONTRol of my life, I wasnt even allowed to spend my money, she threatend if I did, She wiltake it and keep it for herself, She buys a shitload of crap,giant flatscreen hd tv for herself etc new cloths and shit while I had hand me down cloths and had nothing. this caused me to not want a job anymore because I would simply get my money taken away again. anyways skipping to jr year, I still had access to my money for about 3 months when school started I bougght a ps3, I had always LOVED games my life like I said it unstresses me and I grew up with it. She spent her whole life trying to get rid of what I loved games. Anyways she took my computer(shes always doing this, Now and days many projects require a  computer to finish at school, I mainly had essays and research projects at the end of the semmester(a lot of them) she always takes the computer away when Im about to barely pass my classes. Considering I cannot do hw at home and only during schooltime, My grade is bad as always, her taking my computer and not being able to do projects… Lets just say, I spent my entire school jr year in hell, doing hw, being yelled at, stressed out, losing more and more of w/e I have, bed, door, right to eat, shes gone to extreme lengths to punish me, Ie if im at home, she shuts off the power through the powergrid, so it was like the darkages all over… I spent my days strssed,depressed and only to do hw,go to school,eat, and sleep… Not the life anyone wants. The reason why I dont go to friends? well Im threatned, beatened,forced, nagged all the time to leave, at some point( its going to make someone NOt want to go. considering how she takes advantage when i go to there house, I never went again even when I want to, I dont because of the shit shes done to make me hate going out. Basically whenever we went to go for cloths, she procrastinates, one time she forced me to get stuff I didnt need say a binder, I told her I dont need it, she made me stay for hours at the store saying if you dont get it, were staying here all day, I simply waited, she got impatient and said if you dont go, She would go home without me, shes done this once already, I went to the game section and she drove home. So I didnt leave fearing she would do this AGAIn. Anyways this summer I attempted suicide with pills, I didnt think of suicide at all, but I had allergy pills at my desk, I took one, I was thinking “hmm this is easy..” I was hoping that if I had a near death expierience it would cause her to see how much shes put me through… But NOPE. when I took the pills, My brother called 911, he told my mom, my mom was like whatever thank god hes going, etc not worried at all. since I was a danger to myself I was placed on 5150, but I researched it while in the hospital, I learned if I act like it wasnt a suicidal thing or I have a will to live, they would let me go. It worked, I got out within the next day. My then used it as a punishment ever since I was placed on 5150,upon coming home, My mom said you gonna do it again soon?in way that ment I dont give a fuck. My brother also treated me like shit saying, Look at you, you tried to killyourself etc making fun of me. I was back to being stressed/depressed and my mom got mad because I was eating a lot(stress induced food eating) she bought me to the hospital knowing saying hes a danger tohimself at home, making shit lies saying Im suicidal so they placed me on 5150, they later learned after 1 day that I had nothing wrong and I was let out the next day, But they learned she had placed me in there on purpose as a punishment.Basically saying, I spent my entire jr year stessed out and depressed, thinking of suicidal gestures as a way to change my life… I have not had my computer my source of games as a well to unstress myself or actually be happy… My mom present day went to a counsler we had after my 5150. I dont know what she said. But she often exagerates things and I was not there to tell if it was true or not, they misthought that I have a gaming addiction but I use gaming as a way to unstress myself while my mom cannot affect my friends there. I am currently just waiting doing nothing my entire summer so far simply waiting,sleeping,eating, using a computer to access facebook now and then. I cannot play games on my brothers laptop, I managed to type this up in hours sorry if it seems bad. I have no idea when I will have another chance to access a computer,. (Im not allowed to do anything at home (it feels like prison.) And so it ends…