I’m 27. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager and quit high school when I was 17. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts ever since. I’ve lived many years as a hermit, then started going to therapy and I was institutionalized for a year. Then last year, when I had turned 26, I was done with therapy and I needed to take the next step, so I went back to school. I don’t have any diploma’s, noone is going to hire me (nor am I ready for a job), so school it was.
Tag:
anxious
Once life was good. I was happy. Happy enough. But I ruined it. Now my days are spent in silence, alone, dreaming of the past, wishing for it all to have turned out differently. I despise the present of long awful days lost in sadness. I dread the hopelessness infecting every second of every day. I’ve tried to be happy since. I have moments of contentment, of distraction, but it never lasts. I spend all my time alone, afraid, anxious, and miserable. I cry often. I sob and I pace with my hands cradling my head. All my joy is gone. Any passion I once […]
My name is Karman Quinn Steward, I am 20 years old, and I attempted to take my life. Three times…
March 29th, 1994-June 12th, 2012
March 29th, 1994-February 3rd, 2013
March 29th, 1994-August 18th, 2013
For the first time in a long while, I was boiling with a sick determination. I was ready to make one of the above be the cover of my funeral program. Every one of my family members, friends, loved ones, and everything in between would gather to see me finally at peace. The confusion I thought they deserved would cloud their minds…
“I should have called her more.”
“But she […]
Lou Tzu once said
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace then you are living in the present”.
But what he didn’t realize is that I may not be anxious, but I am at peace. I am at peace with my depression, my insecurities, my scars, my imperfections, and my horrible thoughts. I may not be living in the present, past, or future, but I am living, and that is all that is important.
me and Ryan kinda jumped into things very fast. He moved in with me after two weeks, but we were happy as can be. I was always weary that he was lying to me, because that’s just what I’ve always been used to. But everything he said always added up. He was extremely supportive of everything, including my mental illnesses. we were in everything together. Ryan comes from a very rough child hood. Him & his siblings were taken away from his parents when I believe he was three. He found his mom when he was 18, and moved in with her. I actually met […]
Hello, i just really want to tell someone about this, i really do want to kill myself, everyday i feel anxious, depressed, worried, and most recently angry, i was always fine with the idea of suicide, but recently, i screwed things up, i have a great family, i am dating someone, but, i just cant seem to tell anyone about this, i doubt any of them will understand, i am going through a rough point in my life, and i know i can get through it, but i just simply dont want to, i am always afraid my girl will leave me, i dont tell […]
And that makes me sad, sort of.
My middle name is Maree, and I’ve had serious depression for about three-and-a-half years now. I believe the causes have an older age, but most of it is a bit foggy. Do I write “had” depression, as if it was an object? I had a hat that I used to wear everyday, no matter the weather, but now I don’t anymore. Or is it more of a condition: I’ve been depressed for three-and-a-half years, and the fact that it hasn’t let up tremendously shows it’s more that a bit of the blues.
I’m straying from the point. I don’t know […]
I mean we’ve never really been financially stable it seems with a father who doesn’t seem to give a shit about how he spends his money then again he was raised on a farm so I’m sure its hard for him to adopt to life here but it sure would help if he at least acted to give a fuck about us at all -_-… anyways yes Money always seems to be a problem n My Mom is always stressing about it she works so hard n we still never have enough she has these talks with Me about what I should do with My […]
Seriously. When you’re as depressed, unable to trust, wounded, afraid, anxious, angry, and lonely as many of us are, can we really be helped by a therapist? I used to think so but it almost seems like it makes things worse because the therapist thinks they want to help but have no idea what they’re in for. Once they find out they can’t handle it and start taking things personally and then react instead of guiding.
Hello, my name is Martijn. I’m a 15 year old boy. I’ve had a depression before when I was about 12. It lasted about a year. Ive been in therapy and been taking medication since then. The following 3 years of my life have been great. But half a year ago, I started fealing anxious again. strange, violent toughts towards me and the people around me popped op in my head. I often felt empty, as in a dream but i couldn’t ‘wake up’. It felt like I didn’t use my medication anymore, wich I have to control my anxiety. Since then, I started feeling […]
It’s strange. I am not exactly what you’d call a thin person, nor am I tragically obese. In reference to fruit, I would say that I am an apple. I’m large around the midsection. It would be safe to assume that I don’t run…or exercise daily. I’m not a fitness nut nor am I terribly unhealthy. In fact, I’m quite average. I can walk a mile in 10 minutes flat, which doesn’t sound like much to some but I know people who are, 1/24th my size and they couldn’t walk a mile in 10 minutes if their life depended on it.
Lately, my sleep schedule has […]
Well, I’ve been off my med (200mg Zoloft) for three weeks. Cold turkey. I was on it for both depression and anxiety.
The only difference I notice is that the physical symptoms of my anxiety have returned. That trembling sensation in my hands, nausea, sweating, flushing, etc. Anxiety levels and depression levels are the same.
Withdrawal effects were pretty tame. Nausea, head aches, dizziness, emotional lability (i.e. uncontrollable crying/laughter at odd times)
Hmm probably should go back. The physical symptoms of anxiety are a ***** and they are mostly visible to other people which is not good and in turn makes me more anxious.
I am laying in bed crippled by fear. There is nothing that can stop my brain from reminding me that I have something new coming up, something new to be afraid of. Why do I always feel like this? Scared, anxious… Hopeless.
Thoughts of “what ifs” and “what will happen” haunt my everyday movements. I can’t get out of bed, I won’t. It is just to hard. I am safe here, happy if I don’t let myself think.
Every little thing is hard.. If I shower, go to the shop, go for a stroll into town, will I get a panic attack? What if I do and I […]
So, only 2 tablets for depression and the rest for other things, but they aren’t even making a difference…the doctor says ‘no amount of dosage is going to make this go away so you need to figure out what it is that’s really bothering you’ um, I know full well what bothers me but most of the things that do are beyond my control and I cannot change them. I just don’t belong here you know?
I have online therapy because that was the quickest form of help they could give me…I have been feeling so anxious this week:( I’m not even really sure why, I […]
Considering that i never chose to be in this world why can’t i cease to exist? Why can’t i chose to leave? People say that you should think about death and where your soul will go. That there is a heaven and a hell. But that’s so unfair. I never chose to be here in the first place so why should i not be able to choose to be gone…forever…from any existence at all. When i die i want it to be as if i was NEVER created at all. I don’t want to continue in an afterlife. I’m so so so tired. Sleep used […]
I want to go home. I don’t understand anymore. My life is full of happiness and love, I have everything I could ever want, I like who I am. I am strong in my religion, I have lots of friends and lots of people that love me. Why am I considering suicide? I’m on medication and I go to therapy. Why am I still anxious and depressed? I’m so scared. I don’t remember how to be happy. The thought of killing myself scares me, why am I still tempted? I wish I knew how to fix this. Right now, it seems killing myself is the […]
This might be a rather long introduction, but I think it’s necessary.
I’ve been thinking of ending it all rather frequently for the past few days. I guess it all started when I started going to college. I originally chose to major in Biology, but changed it at the last minute to medical laboratory science. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Being in college, I was a rather normal guy. I got a girlfriend and had a bit of fun (being hormone-addled, young and all). That’s when I got my first suicidal thought. We were both afraid she got pregnant. I thought about […]
I’m so tired. Just tired of all this crap lately. First off, I was starving myself yesterday and the day before- an attempt to diet because I’m fucking gross. I want all of my fat gone. All of it. I hate myself. I’m a gross, fat, ugly waste of space. I hate myself so damn much. You know what I’m really, really, really craving, though? Sweet release. Last week (I think), my blade was taken away, and I haven’t been able to cut. Cutting was my little escape. All the cuts on my arm are fading away, and I’m getting anxious about that, for some […]
I have a really fuckin’ stupid idea that worked really well for me.
Step 1. Get colored dot stickers; green, blue, and red.
Step 2. Strategically place the dots EVERYWHERE
Step 3. Identify the meaning of the dots
Green: focus on slowing and deepening your breathing
Blue: Say something nice to yourself
Red: Stop to think of something I am thankful for
Step 4. Do what the dots say…. Practice.
See, told you it was stupid, but it reminds us to calm down, be kind to ourselves, and be less anxious. What have you got to lose? Might as well give it a try.
Yesterday my mum told me that my sister has been taken back into hospital again on a section for the umpteenth time in the last few years. She used to be a risk analyst in an investment bank – less than five years ago. Now she thinks she is god’s wife, she is having his children and that the spirits are going to take her to another place the family can not reach.
She is not the only sibling in my family that has mental illness. I have it, my brother has it and her twin has it. All four of us by my dad are […]