When a person is born … what is the purpose behind that birth??? What is the purpose behind mine???? Am I just born to nearly get everything one can want and have it snatched away from me in a second??? being born with calcium deficiency and convulsions… since then it has always been a struggle… I would have died then and there but mom sells her assets to save me… but for what ??? to torture me when i grow up… to prove that i am a mistake in her life… when i din’t have an issue with her marriage… why the sudden change from […]
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Assets
I’ve been up all night thinking….is today the day? Tomorrow? Tuesday? …seconds keep turning into minutes that keep turning into hours that keep turning into days that keep turning into weeks that keep turning into months that keep turning into years….Life keeps going….Its unforgiving…you miss the bus you miss the bus there is no catching it….I keep lingering and festering like an open wound exposed to germs … I hate that the sun rises signaling the end of yesterday and the beginning of today….I fucking hate that today is the future that seemed so promising 5 years ago…I turn 22 next month on the 5th […]
I am 56 years old. I have no money, no property, no assets, no pension, no income and, frankly, no marketable skills. I have large unpaid tabs at several local hostelries and debts to most of my friends here which I have secured on the (false) assurance that money is on the way from my (long closed) UK accounts. Help and understanding (of any sort) have long since dried up. I am largely looked upon as the liability which I am.
I have been staying at a cheap hotel locally since I was evicted from my apartment three weeks ago for non-payment of rent. I […]
I know I’m new here. I’ve had these thoughts in my head for years, but no one understands me. My meds are off. I’m trying new ones, but they aren’t working fast enough.  Every med I’ve tried either doesn’t work or has side effects that are worse than the damn depression. Therapists have never worked. I’ve never found one that I liked or trusted. I’m afraid that the first one I talked to honestly would dump me in a looney bin or have me forcibly committed. So I can’t open up to them. Basically, everything in my relationship is my fault. Everything. When I try […]
I left my second marriage after my wife became so consumed by alcohol and pills that I couild not take the neglect and constant trampling of my spirit any longer. Every time something bad happened to us it was because I was a loser, yet she refused to participate in the marriage or any of the important decisions, setting me up for the blame if things dod not work out.
After leaving, I was found by my first wife, who had been the love of my life but had left me 20 years earlier for another man. She had tried to get back with me shortly […]