I’m slipping back into depression. For the first time in months I deliberately took a razor to skin and edged it in. The familiar slice and twinge offered a precious moment free of the past that haunts me. It felt so GOOD. So tremendously good. My wrist is aching for a gash right now, but I can’t. My wrists are clean. Under my clothes isn’t so pure. It’s the only thing that offers freedom from pain, and I can only imagine that deeper cuts and a tub of warm water would offer all the more bliss. I can’t. I can’t kill myself, can’t and won’t. […]
Tag:
Audience
I’m tired of such hypocrites and judgmental individuals. I have made mistakes in my life, I’ve done some screwed up shit. But guess what? SO HAVE YOU. There’s no reason to act as if you are a saint. It’s ridiculous.
I’m tired of drama. No one cares about your life. That’s one concept that nearly ALL of humanity cannot seem to grasp. The only reason they would care about or even acknowledge your life is if there were DRAMA. Doesn’t that kind of seem like a freak show? Like the audience (humans around you) are enjoying watching you struggle with some obstacle or watching you completely fuck your […]
I just caved and wrote to the wrong person.
It had been a while, but i know that writing is at best futile, and at worst, potentially problem-causing.
But just the other day, i had a series of “seemingly connected experiences,” which resulted in… memories, thoughts, feelings i just couldn’t shake, and they wanted control… and i lost that battle. Maybe i forfeited. Maybe i hate my vulnerability so much that i lash out at any little thing that might expose or exploit it. When something is going to hit you where it hurts, the only “right way” to react, is to “go all in,” and either […]
I am loved and I have done nothing good in life to deserve it
by mike.persson
written by mike.persson
I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy […]
I act on stage. I’m not that great, and the productions are small & forgettable, but to me each performance means the world. I guess it’s because it’s one of the rare times I get to step out of my miserable existence and pretend I’m someone else. And the audience, however small, validates this “character” I’m pretending to be. After the show I hurry home and resume being my real wretched self, playing to an audience of 0.
I’m sick of it. Sick of living for just those few moments on stage when I’m pretending to be something else, then having to spend days alone with […]
Hey guys,
Ive only been suicidal for about 2 months now although ive had obsessive thoughts, depression, and anxiety most of my life (im 27 f). It all started for me when i suddenly started having significant perceptual difficulties as well as cognitive (memory) problems along with severe debilitating anxiety and depression. After researching it myself and talking to dr.s I then convinced myself that i must be developing a mental illness or something similar to schizophrenia. The fear has taken over my life and the idea of having a psychotic mental illness is something that i couldnt live with so although i havent full blown developed it yet i feel […]
Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]
This is my favorite song, it’s Sarcasm by Get Scared. I just wanted to share. Look it up, maybe you’ll like it…
(i dont own this song, i think Nick Matthews does…)
You’ve got me shaking from the way you’re talking
My heart is breaking but there’s no use crying
What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes
If I had common sense I’d cut myself or curl up and die
Sticks and stones could break my bones
But anything you say will only fuel my lungs
Don’t mind us we’re just spilling our guts
If this is love I don’t wanna be loved
You pollute […]
So I had standardized testing on computers today, and my teacher gave an instruction he was unclear about, and I did the wrong thing, and he fucking screamed at me right in front of everyone. I made it to my quiet corner of the band room before I started crying (it was lunch after the tests). So I spent half an hour sitting behind the brass kettle drums, trying not to cry and slicing at my wrist with scissors, because I didn’t want to bleed everywhere.
When people yell at me, especially with an audience, it reminds me of my dad, who has abused my mom […]