i still dream about you every time i fall asleep i never imagined pleasant dreams could feel like nightmares but no matter how hard i try i cant stay awake forever i lose a little more of myself every time i wake up
Tag:
awake
big man
Whip in hand
Thinks he’s got what it takes
To win
Games of sin
Seems he’s made a mistake
I’m not
A single shot
I’ll make you wish you could stay
Try now
Break me down
You’ll never escape these chains
I will
Shoot to kill
Make sure your eyes are on me
This thrill
Ill make you feel
And then I’ll turn to leave
Get down
On the ground
I want you begging on your knees
Why?
Because all the things I loved
Were lies and clever bait
But I’ll be the one you’re dreaming of
until you finally awake
I’ll kiss you in […]
It’s like fucking 5 o’ clock in the morning, a time in which normal people can sleep right? Well screw that! What a better time than this? This just happened to me.
I was talking to my best friend (and unluckily for me I’m in love with her). That’s why I’m awake.
So yeah, things were going normal until she said “I love you” and lots of hearts. For some reason I knew she wasn’t the one who was sending those messages. But then again you couldn’t imagine how happy I was.
Guess what? I was right. I then received a voice message that said it wasn’t […]
My younger self would probably find me registering to this site both trivial and selfish. Why am I selfish? Why do my peers and contemporaries deem it selfish to want to end all this? No, they’re selfish for wanting to keep the hollow vessel which has become my very being here and pretending that everything is copacetic. Well it’s not and hasn’t been for so long and for just as long I’ve been pretending everything is okay. I don’t have the will to kill myself but I desperately want out. Everyday is exactly the same. Sure we can try to throw spontaneity in place of […]
I got bored, so tried to use catch phrases from users on a Salt post, feel free to ignore.
by Procel
written by Procel
F uck you I’m not breaking,
I t doesn’t matter how much I’m aching,
G ritting my teeth to stop them shaking,
H elping hands always there remaking,
T he smiles and the laughing creating,
T he Fuck you I’m not breaking,
H ead to toe I may be quaking,
E ven then I won’t brake.
D epression will keep you awake,
A sking yourself “whatsa matter, is that all you can take?”
R ight so you shout “let’s see how far it can go” despite what’s at stake,
K nocked down, you whisper to yourself “get up, just get up” praying to the trinity,
N owhere […]
Depression is not Lana Del Rey songs with tears streaming down your face. Its not a blood stained tub with blades all over the floor. Its not a boy rocking you back and forth as he whispers “I love you” a million times in your ear. Depression is disgusting. A low feeling. Not something that is beautiful and poetic. It is a dirty feeling. It is you sitting in a tub with scolding hot water trying to burn the feeling away. It is the stale smell of the clothes in your room because you have no energy to clean it. It is laying awake at […]
i never want to sleep again whenever i do i wake up and feel like im a pos at least when ive been awake too long and start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation i no longer care that life is a joke seems like my most suicidal moments are in the first 12 or so hours after sleep really wish there was a drug free way to sleep even less than i do now it would be really nice to just not wake up
At night time when I’m laying awake in bed I hear voices, I know they’re in my head but they aren’t like normal thoughts; they sound real and alive like someone’s speaking to me. It makes me confused thinking about it because they’re always right but they’re never things I’d personally say to myself or even think in my head. Most of the time they’re negative things, comments on my personality or how I look and act. Other times it’s like they’re trying to make me think that someone’s done something horrible or that I should do something horrible.
I guess I’m just overly confused about […]
no wander i have insomnia whenever i do get any sleep i wake up disappointed that im awake and still in this shithole of an existence i wish ending it was easier i accidentally od’d 5 month back hasnt been a day since that i havnt wished i was alone when it happened i was actually dead and happened to be around people with the means to bring me back dont remember any pain or anything i drifted off and came to in a tub of cold water at least i stopped using shortly after but how i wish i could drift away again never […]
ive been having couple of recurring dreams in one theres a strand of hair/string in my mouth when i try pulling it out it is in my throat i continue pulling and can feel that it is wrapped around something in my stomach the dream varies from there sometime i get it out safely sometimes i pull something out with it but every time i can feel it coming up it feels like i might rip my throat/stomach out in another one i have a mouth full of rocks and at first i try spitting them out and although they are coming out my mouth […]
My friends, do they know how unhappy I am with life? Just curious. They notice I’m always the first one awake as soon as the sun starts coming up but do they know that when I’m laying with my eyes open I’m thinking about death and some more shit? Or that when I get frustrated its nothing controllable and do they notice my triggers? Do they notice I don’t laugh when they joke about people with depression or other mental illnesses?? Should I explain it to them?? How do I do that??
Happy freakin’ Easter sp. We suffer horrible torment. We die. We freakin’ rise again. That makes Easter a damn sight better than Christmas in my humble view. More ways to die than just the physical. In Amy Winehouse’s words ‘I died a hundred times’…
Plus I’m kind of an antinatalist. This world is no place to bring someone you love let alone an innocent vulnerable child.
I’m kind of bored and awake at an unearthly hour so excuse my random ramblings.
I sing little made-up ditties to myself all day about wanting to die. But I’m a gigantic wuss when it comes to going through with the […]
I have a handle of vodka, antidepressants, and a razor.
I haven’t properly slept in a little over a week. I’ve probably slept about 4 hours the most.
When I do sleep, I get these nightmares of the same thing. When i’m awake, I see the creature everywhere I go. The voices in my head won’t shut up.
I just want to be free. Is that too much to ask? I feel like a zombie half time. Sleep is my enemy. My mind is hazardous.
I’m tired of crying, i’m tired of sleepless nights, i’m tired of being being tired. I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore.
I shouldn’t be awake right now. I have to be up for work at 6. But I can’t sleep. I’ve been heartbroken over the same person for a year now. As soon as i start to forget him, he contacts me again. I just spoke to him and I feel like the worst kind of person because I’m seeing someone else. But he and I were together for two years. We were engaged. And then he cheated. I’m in college and lost my biggest scholarship because I don’t have enough hours. I now owe $1000 that I don’t have. I’m doing so badly in some […]
As I write this it is 23:47. 13 minutes until midnight.
The clock begins again in 13 minutes.
Life begins anew in 13 minutes.
It is 23:47 where he is.
It is 23:47 where she is.
It is 23:47 where they all are.
The last connection we have is time.
Time will always bind us together, until one of us slips outside of it’s domain.
In 13 minutes the day in which I die could begin.
In 13 minutes the day in which I live could begin.
I wonder what they will spend the next 13 minutes doing.
Are they dreaming? Or are they awake?
Are they dreaming of me?
In 13 minutes these thoughts will be the […]
so i didnt sleep last night
and i feel kinda energized
manic again i guess
talked to my friend online from egypt all morning
she’s fine she said just a agruement with her guy i heard
sounded more like fighting to me
but whatever.
i’m sure whenever i lay down and be still i’ll go to sleep
however i dont really feel like it.
i am curious about how long i can stay awake now
everytime i sleep i have wonderful sometimes scary dreams
i wish i could stay asleep for….ever though
but i guess being awake is a high too.
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]
BEFORE CONTINUING ON MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING AND I’M NOT RECOMMENDING ANYONE TO RESORT TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been over consumed with death and suicide. I have been dealing with big upcoming decisions and stress. Also I have been suffering with a huge increase of panic and anxiety attacks. I do goto counseling and take meds daily. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with both mood and anxiety disorders.
I have been using my coping skills and yes they work, however it wasn’t enough. I have been exhibiting manic symptoms even though I’m not bipolar.
As a teenager I used to dabble in cutting and self mutilating, […]
I just can’t do this anymore though, I lay in my bed awake just thinking and not thinking at the same time. On the weekends I don’t leave my bed. I have this powerful urge to get up and start walking. I want to walk and never look back. I want to walk so far away and just stop existing. I’m a freakin burden to my parents, siblings, friends, everyone. I feel it, I see it in their eyes. Why is this happening to me? My ex and I just recently broke up, we were dating for a year. I just found out that a […]
It’s been so long since I slept. I can’t focus and I keep leaving work early because I can’t stay awake. Get home and i can’t stop my mind to sleep. It’s whirring constantly like white noise. I can’t even deal with my thoughts separately, to make progress. I’ve finally found a decent therapist (after years of shitty ones) but I’m still scared it won’t get better. I get attached to people easily and get so easily offended. I need to be stronger but I can’t be here much longer it’s so exhausting just waking up :/ I keep thinking of ways to end it […]