Honestly, I am just tired. old, done the same job for 25 years, (Stay at home mother) Â lived in a strange city for the last 18 of them. Not one friend in this whole city. I hurt from age and loneliness. I was someone else when I got here but between him and the kids.. Who am I now? Trapped in the house by my own fears of the traffic. So fat I hurt, yet the pain keeps me from exercising.. Catch 22. I won’t die, I would love to, but how can I? How can I put my husband and kids though that? Yet […]
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awake
i am so tired of having to fake a smile so that other people can accept me, i am so tired of having to pretend that i am tired instead of telling people the truth that i cant handle my life. i am “happier when am sleeping than when i am awake. my dreams keep me going knowing that one day i will jump off from that building. i am tired of getting rejected because i love too easily, now i am afraid to say i love in fear that i will lose someone, i only have one close friend and now like always i […]
I lay awake at night until the fatigue hits. My doctor has taken me off my sleeping medication. I beg my mom to let me take the pills that are left and she refuses. I think about awful thoughts when I lay awake. I think it will be better in the morning, but I know that’s false hope
I’ve officially just failed my family and God and everything else in between. I don’t deserve a single second I’m awake.
I have competed come off all my medications. Wellbutrin, cipralex and seroquil. I was monitored by my dr as I need to know if I am feeling is way because it who I ultimately am or if the medications had any negative effects. I believe that medications awe necessary for extreme circumstance but let me tell you the withdrawals from these meds that are supposedly meant to help are hell. It took over a month to even start to feel a tad normal. I was shaky, dizzy, nauseous, I couldn’t control my body temp, I’d sweat one minute freeze the next. I had insomnia and […]
There is this internal conflict that keeps occurring more and more frequently. My feelings are trying to resurface and my numbness is trying to fight it away. I have the strangest dreams but they reflect those feelings I won’t allow myself to feel when I’m awake. When I’m dreaming I do feel them even if it’s just a pinch, but I feel it. And I wake up with the Reminence of those feelings and I don’t know what to do. These feelings for the most part have to do with one person in particular and I wish I could talk to this person but I […]
Frankly, I believe I’m growing weary; tired.
Not quite sleepy tired, why I’m finding it more and more difficult to become sleepy at night anymore (hence why I’m up at 11:27 p.m. feeling fully awake) but tired of something else.
Perhaps I’m tired of waiting. I believe I have full reason to be tired of waiting, for I’ve been waiting eight months for him. (M.A.B.) Eight goddamn months.
Why do people have to go through such heartbreak and disappointment? For I have waited and waited just so that nothing will happen.
I feel like suicide. Too bad all my overdose attempts never work.
Striving Towards Nothing
Why this passion or despair?
Why hangs anguish in the air?
This endless striving toward the end
Suggests that ruin does impend.
Restless monsters sigh and speak
As I awake while others sleep,
Besieged by phantoms from a dream
And haunted by their shriek and scream.
I stand amid a tempests cry
Its rage and wind its last goodbye.
Wishing me with contrite mutters:
Beware the words and acts of others.
These dreamers lie dispassionate.
Is disregard an accident?
I shake their hollow shells awake,
But alas this is their chosen fate.
Why is life composed of loss?
And why must […]
This is a long story, but, I’ll tell it. I’m 15 years old. I tried suicide numerous times. I am obsessing over a girl. You see, I started liking her in last year, and it started out as a physical attraction. Then, it turned into something else. The school year ended. Over the summer, she was all I thought about. If I was out with people, I didn’t care about what was happening there, I cared about what this girl was doing. I stayed awake most nights thinking of her. The next school year came around. I asked her out, she rejected me, of course, […]
So i’m seeing my GP tomorrow and will ask his opinion on it too.. but i was curious if anyone has felt this before.I’m taking Saroquel for sleep and to calm my anxiety. I started out with one a night and then they upped me to two and now three (75mg). It knocks me out like no other.. but then i only sleep for 2-5 hours, then i wake up. I’m wide awake for an hour or so and then get really sleepy again. I can’t sleep in at all, ever now and i’m always so exhausted. It’s almost like all i do is take […]
It is 11:21 pm where I am. I know we’re all scattered all over the place so we don’t have the same time zones but…
Goodnight to those about to sleep or sleeping. I hope you all have wonderful dreams and if reality is not good, that your dreams take you as far from it. Sleep well too. I hope tomorrow would offer something better for you.
Good day to the others wide awake. I hope you get by your school, work, etc. alright. Be careful and similarly, I hope that today would have something good in store for you.
Those might be lame or annoying but I […]
In the morning I want to die
in the morning I want to cry
in the morning they don’t see my tears,
in the morning they don’t live my fears.
And at night it’s even worse,
I think I have some type of curse.
at night I lie awake thinking, “Why am I still here?”
they don’t need me so now where?
And at night I lie awake
thinking about the morning.
I have always been alone, lack of social life, have only 3 actual friends that I don’t want them to worry too much. My family would mock me for my thoughts and caused me to regret many choices. I have always been questioning what I actually wanted to do, but I don’t know. I suffer from fear, day to day endlessly. I fear about my future, what’s my point in living? I lack confidence indeed, but I truly don’t have any special skills. It was all fine to me, I can shed a few tears at night and get over all of my sadness and […]
I had forgotten how much it aches after cutting. Rolled over to try to sleep, let’s just say I’m awake now.
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