so ive been in this relationship for a couple months now, and here i thought i was finally getting the hang of it. I thought i could finally make her happy. And i was making her happy up until the last few days. then i fucked the whole think up by saying something stupid as i always do. except this time it was worse. I told her one of her exes (one who broke up with her and she still had feelings for) didn’t care about her. that he was using her for some reason. i had figured this because i thought he might suffer from […]
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It would have been cool
If I could have rolled out
Tonight, the carnage in Arkham
At 10 PM, I see Poison Ivy
Penguin walks with a cane
So far away in spiritual realm
Nothin’ but a spam call’ me Bisban
And the Joker and it’s empire
I don’t want to be another day
Who the fuck, who the fuck am I
I saw the Catwoman, I saw little Robin
I am the nightmare, all in my hell
Mr. Freeze the glass man
I wish I was hot like the Croc
Harvey never came back
Lately I’ve been trusting no one. My “best friend” said she didn’t want to be my friend anymore when she found out I was emo.I’ve known her since I was 6 and now I’m 12 almost 13. Also one of my guy friends from school turned his back on me and started calling my names. Past friends have left me also,my dad and step mom found out that I’ve cut myself, my sister was being nosy and heard what we were saying and went and told all her friends. Some of my friends know about it too from my sister. I just hope that my […]
I ran out of lives
Down and under, and only
Can no longer, then what now
Is the end and the beginning
Only coming back, by myself
If you could be of divine
My Princess, will you save me
A fish, where does the water
This one is for you, my Mermaid
I am, the Eternal Morlock.
.. The end.
Retrograde, I shed up cause’ I can’t smoke inside the house
God I cannot swear your name, damn the damn dentist
Get the hell out of the damned States from America
Kim Jong of Korea got the terminal through his hole
Before I die, before I die; dude, let’s get a hold of the Rodman!
Damn son of a ***** will kill my life, let’s go comrade
But I’m going back to the Europe
France surrendered already, I heard
They’re so, so beautiful, oh this little boy
As I stood by the wall chilling, came up to me
In […]
Can’t believe that I ever thought I had more serious problems in life before now. I was sexually molested and had awkward sexual situations with adults and others that were my age growing up. I repressed the memories, I repressed all of it because it was all so terrible and disturbing. I never dated growing up, I fell in love with a guy and started dating him when I was 19. I started having sex with him when I was 20 years old and once I started I couldn’t stop we always had sex. We were careful and responsible about what we were doing and […]
I miss you so much. I miss talking with you, I miss being with you, your company was my distraction from the dark void in my head.
The flashbacks I’m having are brutal. I constantly want to kill everyone around me. The anxiety and anger is just getting worse. I can’t go out in public without my eyes darting back and forth like someone is out to get me. I hate people.
Last therapy session made me rehash things that I long buried, I relived the shock and disgust. Therapist even commented on the scared look in my face. I just dont know what to do anymore.
The end remain the idle
See all you can do is sit
I need you, I need you
I am the frog but don’t kiss
I want to be a ninja
I want to stack, win battles at comicon
Will I be ever back in the bewilder
My football-helmet and my inflatable baseball-bat
In my chain biting the metal wire
I’m listening to bebop but retrograde in activation
Anyone please give me a reason to go on or I might finally do it
“I wish I was in your shoes right now”
You fucking idiot you imbecile if you were in my shoes right now your fucking heart would break from the pain and your skull and bones would shatter
I was okay for a while Why was I okay
Why am I not okay
Pills, give me back my tears, I want to cry
I need help please help me
Please say something please
I want to go
all I want to do right now is disappear
I’m tired
tired of living in this messed up body
tired of being me
tired of being shut out by friends
tired of being ignored
tired of being judged
tired of being lied to
tired of life…
I was okay for a while, it’s all coming back now.. I can’t do this again..
so I guess this is my own first personal entry here. sharing personal stories has never really been my thing but I ll give it a try.
I grew up in a what most people would probably call ‘golden cage’.
daddy a big-company manager, mummy a doctor. broom-stick-up-their-asses-rich-people.
From early age on I was their marionette; had to learn how to play the piano so they could show off with me at their business dinners; made me take ballett lessons; the list is as long as time and filled with various stereotypes it s not even funny. Whenever I did not obey I was either beaten […]
I got my hand read by my friend and the lines in your palm on the right hand tells your future. My line of life is short, and I will die healthy. I’ve thought about this a lot on how I’m going to die. I have always thought of suicide. Maybe I slit my wrists and bleed to death, it seems like the best way to go. Or overdose on my pills. Now when I think about when I will pursue it, what comes up is when my mom told me I’m what keeps her going. She told me a few years back, crying, that […]
I don’t understand why some people are so comfortable in their own skin and others (like me) would give just about anything to climb out of my body and beat it to death with a stick? I mean right now, if I had the most gorgeous and intelligent female on the planet hitting on me or begging me for attention I would cower away because as lonely and touch-starved as I am I creep myself out.
The thing that makes this all so illogical is that when we are comfortable and confident with ourselves we actually attract other people regardless of how imperfect our physical presence […]
how can you say those three small words to me again for the first time in four and a half years? I’m vulnerable. so fucking vulnerable. I’ve known you going on ten years, you were my first love, and we never fully got over it and always find our way back to each other in the most random of ways. I love Ryan so much. but now here you are again. ever since we were fifteen it’s been there. you have me so damn confused. make it stop, make it stop.
Dad is back in town once again. And for the first time I’m months, I’ve cut just to get some peace. Sad to say, it no longer helps.
Nightmares every single night. Can’t stop thinking about it when awake. I sedate myself with trash TV and music and school just to try and forget. But it always comes back… each time I am sadder, angrier, more hopeless than before.
This life must end. At some point, I just need to take the risk and shoot myself in the head. Trying for the find the most desolate stretch of land around me to increase the chances of dying…
Yes… my life sucks. I don’t think that it sucks that much. Evertime I think I hate my life I think on those people who are worst than me. Like little kinds in Somalia and that shit… that’s the cultural instinct. But I don’t really care anymore. Who the fuck cares if there is someone in a situation worse than mine? That doesn’t make it less painful..
I don’t know, I don’t really care about it anymore. I don’t want to kill myself, that’s the thing… in my mind, there is still hope.. or at least, I crave for some hope… I’m desperate to think there […]
My life changed 7 weeks ago.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend via email. What was worse, I found out that he planned to fly her out to our home whilst I was visiting family.
I called him on it and I ended up going back to visit the family as planned but knowing this woman would be coming into our home and sleeping with my husband in our bed. I told no-one but the pain was immense.
I felt I couldn’t say that much as we had also been the result of an affair some 19 years […]
After all this time,I’m back. I decided to stop using the site for a while,get some breathe,turns out I’m back into that dark whole. I’m worse than before. I hate myself more. I’ve become this person who when I look in the mirror I feel sick. I’ve become this weak person who cannot stick up for themselves. I just do what’s best for everyone else and what makes them happy,no one sees I’m broken inside,no one sees or let alone cares. I started cutting again and they’ve got deeper more of,and some people notice and ask,I give a petty excuse and they believe […]
I’ve explained it over and over and over again, but I guess I’ll do it again.
I messaged my best friends ex last night, just to talk, and we were all close, and have been through shit. and every time i would say something he’d just say “bye” but after she messaged him, he started being nice to me and talking to me. For some reason it made me feel like complete shit. Like i didn’t matter, until she mattered. I felt worthless. I started crying, and ended up having an anxiety attack.
I was holding that blade so close to my skin, telling myself […]