What if I wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life?

Can’t believe that I ever thought I had more serious problems in life before now. I was sexually molested and had awkward sexual situations with adults and others that were my age growing up. I repressed the memories, I repressed all of it because it was all so terrible and disturbing. I never dated growing up, I fell in love with a guy and started dating him when I was 19. I started having sex with him when I was 20 years old and once I started I couldn’t stop we always had sex. We were careful and responsible about what we were doing and after about 2 years we broke up. I was actually doing fine I thought about sex missed sex but I was more depressed so my sex drive came to a halt. Didn’t really meet anyone or do anything. After about 7 months I got back with the same guy we started having sex again and we were close but things still didn’t get resolved. After 2 years it ended and this time it was different it felt more permanent. We didn’t talk for awhile then started talking again and having sex again but with no intention of getting back together. My sex drive was extremely high I met guys went out made out with them. I started seeing someone not necessarily dating them but something in between. I had thoughts and every time after I had sex I was disgusted with myself, I felt depressed. I never really felt this way before and I don’t understand. I want to fix whatever is wrong but the truth is I don’t have a clue what’s wrong. I have had a decline in my sex drive due to my depression lately and I don’t really care to see my ex or even this new guy. I read about sex drives being linked to bipolar disorder and I was diagnosed bipolar but I’m not sure if that’s why, or why I’m barely experiencing this now.