This can’t be right, this has to be a nightmare, a bad dream, induced by too many pieces of Halloween candy. I have to be seven years old, eight years old, tossing and turning in my bed. This cannot be my life, it shouldn’t be. I’m 14 years old and I’m a self-harmer, a ‘cutter,’ though I’d rather say I cut myself. The scars on my skin are mysteriously starting to fade, not that you’d know it. You’d take a glimpse at my unscarred arms, glance at the armband on my right wrist that never comes off. You might think for a moment that my […]
Tag:
Bad Dream
Fucking anxiety. For fucks sake.
I just had an awful dream. Where one of my biggest fears actually happened. Thats not a first, no. This time it was in my house though. I cant remember if some parts actually happened before, because thats what it feels like, or if its all made up.
I have to pee but its still dark. I woke up about an hour ago. Around 6:10 am. Ive been waiting for it to turn light. I cant sleep anymore because then Ill return to the dream. I actually just got myself to move so I finally got on my laptop. Havent gotten myself […]
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know how to exist anymore. I’m so misunderstood. No one gets me. No one even seems to notice me. I’m just that shy girl who no one notices. I’m frustrated with myself. I started cutting again. Though, this time it was worse. I can’t cut deep enough. I just want to end all the pain. It’s like a bad dream, that only goes away when you’re asleep.
Poem I wrote (but I do have anorexia)
It makes us lie. People die.
Anorexia is it’s name.
No food today.
I wonder what I weigh.
Fat is all I can see….
Why can’t my family leave me be.
I’m disgusting, revolting…
I carved the word ‘fat’ into my skin.
I’m screaming but no one is listening.
‘Save me’ I scream…
Please let this just be a bad dream…
Anorexia has consumed me, PLEASE
just realize this isn’t me and see.
I just woke up. Im surprised I shortly fell asleep actually. It’s now 2:1o am. I was up for 2 days to celebrate queensday (big dutch holiday). I slept for about 4 hours I guess. I started crying the minute after I woke up and found the nerves to turn around. I felt literally frozen. I guess I had a bad dream. Cant really remember. All I know is that I really want to smoke some weed. But I’m afraid of the dark (yes Im a baby) and for some reason Im too scared to even get out of bed to pee.
I really want to […]
Well recently my girl friend died I really see no point in living anymore because she was the only one i had that could actually keep me from cutting now she is gone. I’m so alone without her. She made me happy and made me feel like I actually belonged somewhere I just don’t want to believe that she is gone. It feels like a bad dream that I’ll wake up in the morning, but there is no morning in my future I only have night when it is dark and scary. I need her back but I will never get her back. Life never plays fair. I just […]
Why bother attempting something when all it will lead to is embarrassment and worsening of the situation? When somethings fucked, you can never fix it back to 100%, so why do you try? It will never be as good as you could possibly make it.
The social problems started in middle school. Being a quiet nerd has downfalls. What’s worse was trying to break out and improve myself, only to lose the one thing I had going, which was intelligence. Giving up good marks to have a couple friends and still be bullied.
The bullying ended in 9th grade. I suppose everyone was just too weirded out by me to even […]
I never thought things would come to this… but here I am, writing.
At age 25 I found out that I had to have urgent open heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. I was in 60% heart failure without even knowing it and could have died at any time. I had the procedure done, and am alive and kicking… though I opted for a tissue valve (so I could enjoy a higher quality of life) and was told that it would only last roughly ten years. It is now three years later, I just turned 28, and post-traumatic stress disorder finally kicked in. I moved […]