if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]
Tag:
bad
I’ll pass the torch to you my dear,
You’ll take my troubles; take my fears.
Don’t worry love, it’s not too bad
Forget the life you could’ve had
Honest smiling, laughter too,
That kind of stuff’s just not for you
You’ll live for me, fix my mistakes,
I’ll be there every step you take
So you’ll remember,
And not forget,
That I left you, no regrets
Why do you cry, what’s wrong pet,
You’re only paying back my debts
Why have hope when you have me,
I’m all you could ever need
I’m by your side, and this is true
I’ll always look after you.
psych
Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).
I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.
When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.
I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.
I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.
He now, understandably, hates me.
I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.
Long time since I posted here. I came back.
Putting my hopes in somehow […]
Lately things have been going good , and yet I still find myself , waiting…
for something bad to happen to remind me that this happiness that has been given to me to  borrow.. To remind me that life has been playing a joke on me and I’m just waiting for the punch line , ..  Why can’t life be easier ?
I suffered so much already I’ve endured what a person could only believe to be nightmares. I’ve only tried to make myself believe that things are okay and they will be different … Â I don’t have to live by my past and let it define […]
I didn’t end up smoking last night.
I was strangely proud of myself.
Hasn’t been too bad of a week I suppose.
I’m trying to keep my stress levels low.
How are you guys doing?
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]
I started writing letters to the only people who talk to me. This is what I have for Andrea, a friend who has suffered a lot, and I tried to help, but she was never in CAP with me and disagreed on me joining.
Andrea:
If you’re reading this, then you know. Sorry. Wanted to tell you.
The money I left won’t be much but it should help you get by. Want you to be happy when you meet the right person. Don’t want you to have to be on your own.
Not sure the right way to say how I feel about you. Think you know already, though. […]
So, I have been on this website for a few days now just reading. Now I believe I am ready to tell my story. Please do not judge me for this, all negative comments are not welcomed here.
I met this guy about a year ago this time. We met through some friends, he seemed cool but I paid no attention to him because I had a wonderful boyfriend at the time. A few days after meeting this guy he messaged me on Facebook, he told me how he was not going to lie to me and that he had developed a crush on me. I […]
I have lot of experiences( good and bad)
Why my brain only interested in bad experiences I have?
When I am trying to direct thoughts to good experiences it feels like foolish to me
May be this is how depressed peoples “meta brain” works 🙂
So I think about suicide. I have been thinking about it for years now.
My biggest problem is when someone lies to your face and tells you that its weird to think about suicide. To make a decision on if you do so or not is based on ideas, opinions, or thoughts about suicide.
So yes I do think about suicide everyday. Which isn’t entirely too bad of a thing. For one it led me to this site. To make a decision on not to kill oneself also requires some serious thought. Weighing different outcomes, and evaluating ones life is necessary.
I apologize if I am rambling, but […]
You sent me a text tonight Telling me you were proud of me. I needed to see that more then you know. I needed to see something good to take away from the bad. You told me I was strong. But I’m not. I’m so severely depressed right now I literally can’t move. I need you to know how much I need you with me through this.
Today I started to cut. It feels like the right thing to do. I was going to do it on my arms but I decided to do it on my hip instead. The pain is bad but the cuts are good, though I feel like a mess. I keep shaking every time it think about self harm, it’s like the shakes you have when you’re cold, they’re hard to stop. My hip is badly hurting now. I’ve had racial comments made at me today. Some by my “friends’” boyfriend, but her and all her friends that were supposed to me my friends are sticking up […]
Last week was particularly bad, and I had repeated thoughts about suicide–after many months of not having those thoughts.
Then on Sunday I was much better. Â I gave my oldest daughter a special gift. Â I had my Rolex readjusted so that it fit her. Â I got so much joy watching her wear it. Â I’ve always told her that she could have it as an heirloom when I died, but I wanted the chance to watch her enjoy it. Â I was so happy about giving it to her. Â Yesterday, I was in a board meeting for a charity I serve on and got two nice compliments. […]
I can’t help but feel guilty for even being here. I’ve always believed life is a gift and there’s nothing so bad that it can actually ruin your life; surely if you are so desperate you are contemplating taking your life then surely you are desperate enough to try anything else that might alleviate your pain- and, I so smugly thought, totally changing the life you couldn’t live with would, voila, take away the belief that you need to die.
I WAS SO WRONG.
I understand now. No matter what I do, if I moved a thousand miles away, if I threw myself into a new career, […]
I dont know how it will be finished. all depend on a phon call that i will make after tomorrow.any way i had enough bad expriences in my life to conferm that the main problem in my life is me .
Good thing-I feel like I’m starting all over.Time to do things right.
Bad things-Sure there a lot of beautiful girls but none of them are you.None of them have your eyes,none of them have you voice.I thought my first love had a beautiful voice but then I heard you and now sometimes before I go to sleep I hear the voicemails you left me just to hear you.I have yet to meet a girl that’s like you.You were everything I looked In a girl and more.I’m not young anymore.I want to settle down.I could honestly see myself settling down her.She used to always worry about her […]
I love Star Wars. Somehow I made you more into it.
I remember when we were talking, I told you I was 100% dark side. You told me you were not. “I’m a good guy” he said. So I laughed and said : I like bad boys. he replied: well, breaking your heart would be evil. He said smiling.
I smiled back, but then I started to think about it.
And after a while, you finally did. You broke my heart.
welcome to the dark side my rebel scum.
I’m wanting my pills again. I know where I can get some too… I’m craving them. Badly. I obviously haven’t and won’t stop cutting. I just I don’t know. I know it’s not good but I ant them so bad.
The one thing that most people associate with Bipolar is bad husbands with anger issues. It might sound stereo-typical but for the majority that is true. You have to be extremely carefull not to share your anger/disappointment as it can erupt in the drop of a hat and you wig out. I am a much more “peacefull” bipolar case than the usual but only due to the fact that I had grown up with the rage and it keeps me in check…most of the time…but I can rage with the best of them.
They say that Bipolar is inherited and it shows. My dad has serious […]
I’ve been thinking of suicide frequently ever since junior high, Â and I’ve also been thinking lately that I just don’t want to be happy or content. In part, I just can’t imagine myself as a happy, smiling person; it actually makes me uncomfortable. I would need to change so much about myself, and part of me even hates happy, optimistic people. It seems like I would always be wearing a mask. I’ll list a few other thoughts as numbered points:
Being serious and unemotional makes me feel more in control of day to day situations. I’m worried that acting friendly would invite too many people who […]