These days I am increasingly struggling to find a reason to keep going. Everytime I go outside I feel that everyone is looking and judging me, analysing my every awkward move. Walking on the pavement/sidewalk towards oncoming traffic is the worst as It just feels like a barrage of people staring at you, judging you. I hate thinking this way and I know its not rational, but I cant shake it, its like I am defined by my anxiety. Even when I succeed at something, theres always a voice saying I should have done better- endless quest for perfection? then what?  I think what is making […]
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Barrage
Do tranquilizers and antidepressants combat constant bad luck occurrences?
by Dead Right
written by Dead Right
Do tranquilizers and antidepressants combat constant bad luck occurrences?
As everyone knows that have read my past posts, I have been very depressed and taking antidepressants for quite a few years. For me, suicide has been a security blanket for countless years and has provided somewhat a comfort from some past crappy occurrences that appears to me, to be extremely bad luck. Of course there may be some happenstances that are a result of my poor choices, but I will not admit to that now at this moment. For now it is the cruel cosmos that is to blame for all my unhappiness.
Undesirable things just seem […]
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
I don’t think I can do this anymore. I thought this would be a fresh start but the same things hit me over and over again. I’m on medication but it doesn’t seem to help and I’m broke, so broke I can’t afford to continue. I can’t focus or concentrate on what needs to get done. Right now, that’s my assignments. My lecturers have extended deadlines but I still can’t go through the hurdles.
My friends are frustrated with me. They just want me to get the work over and done with. But I can’t. I don’t understand the things I read anymore and soon I […]