My head keeps on
I wonder if it could ever be turned off
“I must be dreaming”, I tell myself
So many times, and I’ve found out the truth
Nothing more… nothing else
Is it just me? Is it my fault?
Do I live in a different world?
No? And so why I feel that way?
Give me answers please
‘Cause I have no escape
I have no one in fact
Not even my cat wants me to scratch him in the back
And you still wonder why…
Did you notice those cuts in my arms?
Or that I am by myself most of the […]
Tag:
Black Hole
With this hatred I stand
with a razor in hand
To see my final plan through
I wish I could see
The pain in which you’ll be
When you see that I’m through
The day has gone by
And now I will die
With your picture in my hand
But don’t think I’ll rest
It was not meant for us to last
But I’ll be sure to haunt you in your dreams
You’ll think of days that went by
Without a tear in your eye
And hope that theyll come back
But you know in your heart
That black hole of remorse
That you’ll never be […]
I don’t want my esophougus to rupture. Painfully suffocating to death on my own sick, jesus.
I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, and so I eat, and sometimes I need to feel, to know I’m still alive even if it hurts, and so I eat. Then the shame of being such a fucked up, selfish, wasteful, ***** with no self-control opens up the endless black hole inside of me and I have to fill it (and empty it) again.
I don’t know if I can be helped, or even if I want it. I just know that I’m scared […]
I sit here and I see all these people living around me. I see their happiness. I see them fill one another up. And I can’t seem to fill anyone or be filled myself. I am a black hole. And there are sometimes where I can barely form coherent thoughts through the pain. Not just loneliness, but pure pain. And no matter what I do, it never gets any better. It’s times like these when I understand why I have to die. Dying will be merciful, a release from everything I cannot be.
So it’s not really getting any better. I was informed by my exs bestfriend that he will be back Monday. Because of him the hole school knows how screwed up I am and I know when he gets back all the crap is going to start again. Its pretty bad that there is a group of people at this school that hang out because we are suicidal. But we all look normal so it’s not like we are the emos. The only one that hasn’t try to kill theirself is a guy named Austin that has for some reason taken a liking to me. But […]
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
I guess I’m suicidal. My stomach churns just putting that label next to my name. I think about it all the time. I think about all the things wrong. I get sucked into that black hole where you just keep going down and down. And then I find myself on facebook in an immature poke-battle with one of my best friends (who I also happen to have been hopelessly in love with for years) and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I watch the notification pop up again and again. A real smile, not the stupid fake one I plaster on my […]
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