i live for these moments.
the ones im sitting in the little nook of my room, listening to my favorite song, sipping peppermint tea, and blogging. the moments when im at the perfect temperature with a flannel blanket wrapped around me, and my cat pacing indecisively across my lap and all i can think of is you.
Literally. I’m laying in my closet, on top of who-knows-what, sandwiched between two blankets above and below me, between my bed and a shelf. I wonder how long it’ll take for my mom to realize I’m here. She thinks I’m going out with my boyfriend tomorrow, but I cancelled on him, so who knows?
I’m here because it’s going to be hard to get up, whenever I choose to do so, so I don’t cut…. it’d take too much effort. I don’t want to live right now. I don’t feel anything…good… it’s like I spontaneously fell out of love in only a few minutes. He ordered […]
My name is Christiane and I am 20 years old. This is my story.
My mom and dad had been fighting badly the past few years. They had been married 19 years but were together for 22 years. We lived in Florida as the only blood family around. All our family lived in California. My dad would get angry with my mom and fly her there when he thought he was done with her. This was about the third or fourth time it happened and during this last time my mom was in California, my dad took his own life.
On April 11, 2013 I came home […]
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
Today is going to be a good day, I have something to look forward to so its gonna be easy to get to the end of today back to bed, my happy place, in the hope the world will end while I’m asleep or at least I’ll suffocate in my pillows and blankets…. I Miss You <3
Im new here so im just going to start with family, as they say family comes first.
The 11th of november 1995 was the day I was brought into this world. Being 2 hours born and taken away from my parents by a case worker. They say it was for the best, she was a drug addict aswell as an alcoholic and she couldnt look after herself or even support herself so how could she look after me? So I was taken away and put into a foster home not even a day old and straight into a complete strangers house. I obviously didnt know what was going […]
Sleep, please put me to rest tonight.
Sweet Dreams, carry my mind away.
Pillows, help me relax my thoughts.
Blankets, keep me warm and safe.
Sleep, don’t make me wish I was awake.
Sweet Dreams, please don’t terroriz me.
Pillows, don’t suffocate me in my sleep.
Blankets, please don’t strangle me tonight.
Sleep please be the escape I need… Don’t be a constant reminder of my everyday pain.
Please be the comfort and security I need.
I always fight with my parents for stupid reasons like food, using computer, using the air conditioner etc. When I prove they are wrong, they yell and shout at me and say that I misbehave! Then, I become extremely aggressive by throwing things everywhere: pillows, blankets, remotes… are all on the floor or broken, I cannot control my anger; sometimes, my father tries to beat me but luckily I run fast to my room and lock myself up to avoid the fight…
When I’m alone in my room, I just want to commit suicide, I just want to write a farewell letter and say goodbye […]
Hmm… Is this madness? I have been happy all day and suddenly I feel as if I have been stabbed in the gut with a searing hot blade, and I feel like blowing shit out of proportions.
Oh, but no, I am not a mad man. Madness would not be titled upon someone as composed as myself. I am a little ***** who hides beneath the blankets of society every time I hear the nasty growl of the beast. I cut myself to bleed. I cut myself to know that I am real. I cut myself to shed blood to show people what I am capable […]
The tiniest things can make people happy… so I decided to make a list of some of the things that make me happy. The list could go on forever, but I have school tomorrow and don’t have time for that 🙂
Things that make me happy:
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Bubbles in pizza crust
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Making others smile
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Baking
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Loose Pants
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running in the rain
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The smell and feel of clean sheets
-         Listening to the “I love you†of people on the phone with their parents or spouse.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running into the exact person you needed to see, just because they remind you not to give up.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The feeling of the sun […]
I thought I was nothing once…
It seemed I was a small, insignificant part of the world, and when I died everything would keep moving forward as if I didn’t ever existed in the first place. My hopelessness… my struggles… they were all too much for me. I was ready to die, not knowing what was on the other side, but hoping it was better than the hell I was living.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I was the daughter of a 24 year old Sunday School Teacher and a beautiful 18 year old High School Graduate, but others in our community […]
I don’t know why I am doing this. I mean being on this site and just writing. I suppose I have nothing better to do.
I always thought that wanting to die was something everyone thought. To tell you the truth, I have been having suicidal thoughts ever since I was little. Like pre-school but I don’t remember why.
I have slit my wrist before. I just wake up everymorning and want to go back to sleep and smother myself under the blankets. I hate school. I am 15 and I HATE being here. I look around and want to bang my head against the wall.
I dunno […]
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