Title says all. They don’t know what’s behind my blue eyes. They don’t know the troubled angry boy trapped inside this gross bleeding body
Bye
Think about it –
DENIAL – death can’t be final right? god is in control right?. We need someone that will save us. We think – this can’t be all there is! our suffering must have a purpose right? Were gonna be in a better place after we die right? my grandpa is in heaven and his body is not his anymore but just a shell right?
ANGER – God why are you not listening to me? I been praying and trying to be a good person! fuck you!
BARGAINING – To me this what prayer is! I promise god ill be a good person if you help […]
Throughout my life I’ve frequently imagined myself as various characters, versions of my persona with certain traits accentuated. Bravery. Romance. Intelligence. Strength. You name it, I dreamt it. Well, there’s no need to be anyone else anymore, so here’s the concluding paragraphs to the story of my life;
He finished typing on the laptop and slowly exhaled, he was finally done with this life. And that was okay. To his left the belt was already tied around the bedpost. It scared him to look at it, how something so ordinary was about to unravel his entire world. He pressed play on the song and left the […]
the question i seem to keep coming back to as I try to survive another day imprisoned in my mind, body, house, bed. most days in too much pain physically or emotionally to function but have continued to fight my deepest desires and desperation at times because of ‘family’ even though I rarely see them as I try to spare them of me. literally the only comfort I have is knowing they dont see my pain, and I dont burden them.I cant accept being broken once was just emotionally but now chronic pain has taken my only ability to contribute to community and family or […]
I’ve meet a lot of people, everyone with a different story to tell. Some are sad, some are happy, some are amazing. Then, is my own story, and I know I’m pathetic with my suicide mind in a world were not only me but everybody have problems, the thing is that I fall too easy. Still, I don’t wanna comfort myself with those cliche words, i just wanna die in this pathetic world were no body will remember me. But more pathetic I am thinking […]
I was going to take the jump, in front of the train. Looking dead at the tracks. I was so ready for this all to end. Some guy was there though. He grabbed my arm and yelled at me. Called the police. Stupid guy, if only he could see that I’m already dead. I just thought I’d break this vessel called my body so I can free my spirit. But that stupid ass man ruined it. Stayed in a psych ward after I was treated for hypothermia. My parents are suddenly keeping a wary eye on me now. Babysitting . The minute they decide to […]
these sites/things have been lovely in different ways at different times….. near-death.org(something close if not this exact, its a storage for stories of near death experiences, all kinds, you couldnt read it all in a day), access consiousness/rikka zimmerman(the male founder said if things didnt change, he was gone…now rikka (plenty more than her out there with infinate positivity to spare, cant recall names)who is all over you tube is doing her own projects and is into loving self and intensely so), a church but not for the info(could be limited perspective) for the great music show and the super energy from thousands of ppl […]
I went four months without feeling depressed. The waves started rolling in this past week and now I feel like I’m drowning under water. My chest hurts with the weight of the water and my lungs have filled with the ocean. The life that I had in me is being pulled out like salt dehydrating a body. Before long, I’ll just be another leaf floating in the sea.
First, I don’t think i’m depressed. I just thought about it and decided that to die at a young age makes sense. I worked as a care worker for 6 months before eventually it got to me. I saw what to expect as I got to the end and I didn’t like it at all. Couple that with nihilistic beliefs and it made sense to me that to take my own life when I was happy and healthy made more sense than waiting for my body to slowly decay.
I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet. I’ve tried spontaneously when I was actually depressed. […]
I was always more afraid of going numb and not caring than I was of my past and the pain. Though, I can’t cope tonight. I don’t feel anything. No emotion. I don’t even hear the voice in my head like I always do. I can’t think about living or dying.They have become one and the same. I have no preference. I’ve cut and I can’t feel it. I see is the blood but it doesn’t bring me any satisfaction or pleasure. I can’t breathe right. I think I drank too much with those pills for once. It feels like I am just shutting down, […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SGDHfcZVOg
Here, it’s his little brother and sister but it could be your mom, your dad, your friend, your husband or your wife. I know how hard life can be and how desesperate a person can be but what you’ve heard on this video is the reason why I’m still staying in this shitty world. A suicide is the most personal of all things and you don’t need to involve other peoples, peoples you love. I’m not trying to stop you but just remember that even if you’re dead, the world still spining and on it, you will be nothing but a dead body and I don’t think […]
My chest aches as my heart speeds. My eyes blurred until all I see is darkness. My lungs burn as I struggle to breath. My ears pop and a loud ringing sounds. My body shakes and my muscles twitch. Griping my chest in pain as I try to fight the fear. My truth beneath a mask. I scream usually slient screams until my lungs stop their Burns. I hug my chest tight the compression soothing the pain. Deep breaths as my heart slows and my sight returns. This mask you see Once again put in place. Once my body’s returned to almost normal I vow […]
“You have broken my heart more times then the fingers on my hand can count. Yet I still carry you. You, a master whose eye have strayed for a moment on a servant such as I. All the beautiful women fought for your affection, an affection that was cast upon me. My scarred body no longer produced deep angry red cuts. You had run the demons away. Alas I am a lowly servant not nearly as beautiful as they who are your equal. Now I lay here with fresh scars without so much as a glance from you. I no longer hold your heart and […]
7 years ago, prior to my last attempt, I, along with 9 others bared witness to an angel ascend- my angel to be precise had been battling Aids for 15 years, and although in constant pain and discomfort he took me under his wing and like a mama bird- he nurtured me, showed me the care my own mother never could.
His poor, old, tired body could take no more and so we all gathered around him at a time he chose and bid him goodbye- he had such a high tolenrance from the hundreds of medications that had kept him alive that now they hindered […]
I’m posting this to help anyone here that reads it. I’ve been taking a folic acid supplement along with a zinc supplement and it’s really helped. Folic acid helps in the production of neurotransmitters which I’m sure anyone who’s on here knows that these are the chemicals in your brain that regulate mood. I hope that I have helped at least 1 person on this board.
Now, all that being said, I still believe that the feeling of mental stability that most “normal” people feel is merely meant to placate them and further the idea that this world is real. As I get older I suspect […]
No love is no life, loneliness is no life. I desperately need to be held, to be touched, to be loved; a body longing to be caressed.
The warm feeling of two people sharing that moment of passion, the beauty of love. How I wish that a woman would want me, could give me love.
It’s just a song, no woman will ever want me.
What’s the point of continuing if I’m to live my life on my own.
For I am alone, I am empty, I am nothing, and who’ll miss nothing?
Just a sad and lonely creature looking for its death.
i’ve had many things taken from me throughout my life…
mother/father: robbed me of safety, acceptance, and unconditional love, i never stood a chance with the two of you
molester: robbed me of a childhood, feelings of worth and value
rapists: robbed me of dignity and pride
myself: robbed me of peace and tranquility
but you… nothing compares to what you have done… you stripped me bare, consumed me body and soul only to regurgitate it back in my face with a look of disgust only to say– not what i want… you leave me crumbled, a pile of used discarded remnants of something that was at some point […]
Tear me away from my life as I’m torn asunder.
Put on my blindfold and toss me into the dark.
Bind my hands up in chains, throw away the keys.
My blood and tears pool beneath me as I cry and scream.
Remembering what I hold dear.
I’m struggling to keep myself.
I hope its not too late.
Cause life is great without a care.
My heart beats but I’m enslaved.
My body’s numb.
I’m gone….
As a teen…I never did drugs, slept around or smoke on corners. I never got bad grades, lied to my parents or did anything to make my parents feel ashamed of me …yet I was disowned by my alcoholic father.
Entering my 20’s I was still dating my 1st bf I had met after finishing school… I never cheated , I never dressed inappropriately or did anything to make him insecure or over- possesive…yet the relationship became abusive…mentally, emotionally… and near the end physically.
When I fell pregnant at 21, I freaked out. It hit me that I did not want to spend the rest of […]
I have been in a lot of abusive relationships, and until now, I’ve always been able to fight my way to freedom.
But now…
I’ve developed Conversion Aphonia… meaning, because of the trauma I’ve suffered, the emotional, physical and sexual abuse, my voice… will no longer be there…
I can’t speak. I can’t laugh. I can’t even try. No matter how much I try, my body will not let me make a sound.
What am I supposed to do now?