Tag:

body

here we go again?

by Autumn Jane Sky 11/5/2014

written by Autumn Jane Sky

So haven’t posted in a while and I guess it’s because things were okay. But since I can’t access my doctor right now, I ran out of my anti depressants and after two or three weeks of not taking my daily “happy” pill, I’ve sunk right back to where I was before. Have you ever felt like you’re body us literally screaming that it’s your time to die? That’s what it feels like now, but of course, a part if me flashes images of my brothers, my Lil sister, the friends I still do care about, and it says that if I die, I may […]

11/5/2014 0 comment

Fucked up

by notsomuch 11/2/2014

written by notsomuch

i’ve always felt abnormal .Now i am 18,and i still do. I think i have bipolar disoder,body dismorfic disorder and depression.thats not a good way to “start” my adult life.even though i am miserable inside,my parents an twin brother dont suspect about it.I’m pretty sure it is beacause i try my best to look normal.well,i am fucking tired to pretend all the time.I am fucked up!I know that i should just tell them what i feel,but i cant do it.So i feel trapted in my onw head.Suffering alone.

11/2/2014 0 comment

I can’t do it

by HawkMoth 11/2/2014

written by HawkMoth

So many times I’ve been told “it gets better”. In my case, it eventually will, but it could take 5 years or longer, and I can’t make it for that long. For those 5+ years, I’ll be stuck with my own body making my life hell. I can’t have relationships, I can’t do a lot of the things I want to do, getting dressed or hearing the sound of my own voice will be torture, just like it has been for so many years already.

I already tried to end it before, only a few months ago. I collected painkillers, but I quickly realised that I […]

11/2/2014 1 comment

Final Incision

by AnoNymou5 11/2/2014

written by AnoNymou5

Red rush from the entry

The shining blade hovers like a sentry

The tremor travels though my hand

Until I can no longer stand

Sensation shakes my body

And shakes the numbness encased in me

Escape at last

From the future and past

Fading at last

The blackout approaching fast

But numbness persists

So I must assist…

Drive it home down to bone

Truly alone

My heart a darkening stone

As its beat begins to lose tone

11/2/2014 3 comments

my body, my choice

by hangingonbyathread 10/28/2014

written by hangingonbyathread

i wish everyone could see it that way…my body, my choice. if you were trapped in a hellish world wouldnt you want out?? why do i have to suffer so you dont have to? i hate myself, i hate everything about me. i am sick. i have legitimate diagnosis. why must i have to deal with them for the rest of my life?

yes there are ups and downs, but my downs are so bad and last so long the ups arent worth the pain of the downs. its my body, my choice. i should choose if i want to live or die. my life will […]

10/28/2014 7 comments

The Past

by fallenstars101 10/27/2014

written by fallenstars101

When I was a young girl, my parents were divorced and I lived with my mother. I thought that’s how families were suppose to be though. You have two separated parents and just visit the one occasionally. Then one day my mom started seeing this guy. I had an idea of what was going on because my dad was also seeing another woman. But the strange thing to me was when my mom and this guy who was actually a complete stranger to me got engaged and he moved in. It was weird at first but I liked the idea of having two “parents” together. […]

10/27/2014 3 comments

My best friend killed himself

by braindead buddha 10/26/2014

written by braindead buddha

I’ve always struggled with depression, and thoughts of suicide. Not sure why, just can’t seem to shake this ball of acid in my chest -. Anger/misery/disappointment. The focus sometimes dwindles but never entirely cuts off. and every time it comes back it gets more intense. Just under a month ago my best friend killed himself. We used to talk a lot about these feelings (we both shared). He obviously had enough of it all though. I just feel so fucking alone. I’ve wept every day since I found out. On top of this I’m experiencing severe body pains, my legs seem to be gradually failing […]

10/26/2014 4 comments

The Reaper’s Day Off

by Roars Kilde 10/26/2014

written by Roars Kilde

I burn so fierce, though the rain pours in drowning surge, it neither puts out my fire nor overwhelms my breath.
So I take another pill lying here in the gutter, trying to dampen the pain booze couldn’t quench. As wishes leave my heart, and mind realize the truth behind the naive, my eye glance at the wound on my wrist, and a small stream of red in the water rushing down, far into the distant. Seems the rain doesn’t erase at once.
Smiling, as another pill is swallowed, for my broken bones ache so bad from the fall. Such luck to land […]

10/26/2014 0 comment

what should I do?

by Winter girl 10/25/2014

written by Winter girl

So.. I’ve beenn seriously contemplating suicide. I have so many support systems, but I’m just not sure if i can do this anymore. It’s too much

I have a weak heart because I had anorexia, and my doctor has to watch my potassium levels because of that. Too low, my heart stops beating. Too high and I have a heart attack. I’m incredibly depressed and I don’t know how to do this anymore. Should I kill myself? Is this suffering going to justify me checking out early? Does anyone know of your body will reject (throw up) an overdose on potassium? How do I make things […]

10/25/2014 5 comments

and days like this…

by kateralia 10/23/2014

written by kateralia

And its days like this where I feel completely alone & unwanted. Theyre all upstairs laughing & cheering each other over a game on their ipads.

I just went up to go to the toilet & he looked up & his face told me to fuck off. Quite literally.

I had so many dreams & aspirations… I just wish my body hadnt betrayed me.

10/23/2014 5 comments

Cutting – Started and Can’t Stop – Advice?

by AmIStuckNow 10/21/2014

written by AmIStuckNow

Despite feeling helpless and suicidal through the later part of middle school and all of high school and college, I had never cut myself. I had never really felt the desire to.

But now, things are different. About 2 months ago I was very depressed and I tried cutting my upper arm and my legs. I wasn’t very good at it, so little blood came out. The marks went away about a month later.

But since then I’ve cut 3 more times. The 3rd time I cut, I cut my stomach and my lower leg. I work at home now, using my computer for 95% of my […]

10/21/2014 10 comments

Enough

by Marie 10/20/2014

written by Marie

It’s just bullshit, after bullshit. I can’t even keep track. People say just do what makes you happy and that’s a big fat nothing. Nothing makes me happy and if something did we wouldn’t be having this conversation now would we? Didn’t think so, now fuck off. Every time I feel accomplished and proud of something I watch someone else do it better and I feel like shit all over again. Piano: I’m good, someone else is great. Singing: I’m good, someone else is great. Acting: I’m good, someone else is great. Being nice: I’m good, someone else is great. Grades: Mine are good, someone […]

10/20/2014 3 comments

abused

by Angeleyes42 10/20/2014

written by Angeleyes42

I just don’t feel happy anymore the last time I remember being happy was Friday morning for about 30 seconds. My roommate is being verbally abusive and I go to bed every night and wake up every morning depressed. I want to change rooms but the other people don’t have a roommate cuz they left so something has to be wrong with them. My roommate tells me I have no butt or boobs, I’m scared to get dressed cuz shes gonna find something wrong with my body. You might say that i don’t need to care what she thinks but I’ve struggled with body image […]

10/20/2014 2 comments

When the books become real…

by Four 10/20/2014

written by Four

When is it ever going to stop?

The images of my body hanging in my room or my wrists cut and blood all over the floor or the glass shards from the window I broke. I want it to stop. I want to stop and I don’t want it to stop.

I want the end the thing that I started. I want to get over this life. I don’t want to exist. I have no purpose and I’m selfish. I don’t care who feels bad. I know they’ll get over it. I don’t want to be born again in a world full of hatred and horror. I […]

10/20/2014 1 comment

The girl who once was.

by Niyaku 10/20/2014

written by Niyaku

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There was this girl who was once happy and glad,

She had everything going for her,

Then thats when it happened,

Now she just sits at home,

Paying no heed to her friends and family,

She thought she was hiding it well,

But everyone knew her hell,

Every night she fell asleep with tears in her eyes and blood dripping down her arms.

She once had everything going for her,

Then it happened,

She could no longer feel the love,

Or the joy,

That was always surrounding her,

She only knew the pain,

And sorrow,

That is in her,

She never smiles,

Never laughs,

Not the […]

10/20/2014 3 comments

Our Son Will Miss Him

by Elemental580 10/17/2014

written by Elemental580

Almost two weeks ago, my almost ex-husband killed himself. We were going through a divorce, which he didn’t want. It had gotten ugly because he was using our son as an emotional tool to hurt me. Our son is 11.

A policeman came to my work, took my in my office and told me to sit down. The officer told me that his brother had found his body. I had to tell our son that his father was dead. Funny thing is, although I was so sick of him, I seem to be having a harder time with this than my son is. I’m so angry. […]

10/17/2014 1 comment

fuck it all

by lissbabe 10/16/2014

written by lissbabe

whats the point in faking a smile every single day and not being my true self why is it that people just judge you by the scars on you and not even your friends are able to look at your body because they are ashamed to be around you becasue of how ugly you are with these scars yes indeed they make you who you are but why is it people feel the need to fucking judge like its their bussiness

10/16/2014 2 comments

Soon

by Tanas 10/15/2014

written by Tanas

I think you can go home soon, soul.

21 years old, I have loved, was loved in return, laughed, cried, hated, etc.

What more does this life hold for me except basically repeat?

I remember standing there with tears in my eyes looking at the river saying “I am proud of having managed to live twenty one years. Twenty one years.”

That was about 8 months ago.

I have a job and friends and medication but the pain keeps coming back. Do I have to, do I want to bear it until my body, inevitable as it is, dies someday?

Why not speed things up. For so many years my soul […]

10/15/2014 0 comment

Lost and nowhere to be Found

by angelp 10/15/2014

written by angelp

Where should I start :/ I haven’t always been depressed and want kill myself. It all started once my family started have problems and lots of stress one parents shoulders. This stress was transferred to me and I took it in for awhile not knowing what would the outcome be. Then I found out my uncle has cancer and is very sick. This caused me to go into a depression stage while not knowing it yet. My parents yelled At me making me think this is ally fault so this led to smoking Weed, then I started having relationship problems with my girlfriend!! This where […]

10/15/2014 1 comment

Oddly Enough Still Alive

by hufflesigh 10/13/2014

written by hufflesigh

Short one.

About 4 days ago I ate 20 castor seeds. I kept them down for about an hour to two hours so they should have been fully dissolved. I peuked and had bad diarreah for about a day then the throwing up went away. The liquid poops I still have. And I havent had a solid one since. I know that its supposed to take a few days but it seems like its not going to work. Any body have any experience trying with ricin/castor seeds?

The stomach doesnt dissolve it as were in another form. We dont have to go into that though because of […]

10/13/2014 1 comment

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