tomorrow is the day im hoping and dreading. i have another dr appointment, but it could be all or nothing. if im lucky he will find out what is wrong with my back and i will be cured both physically and mentally. if not then i have to tell my wife i cant adhere to my no self harm contract. seven years of back pain that causes immobility and prevemts me from being human is too much. i cant truly take care f myself and i am “smart” enough to know that i cant take care of any family i may have in the futue. […]
Tag:
cant
Im just tired of everything everyone hates me except 2-3 people my family hate me my mom always calls me names and my brother and sister told that next time i try to kill myself i shouldnt tell anyone so i actually die and maybe theyre right i think about it a lot and i realise everyone in my life would be better without me im just a weordo who cant even talk to people i cant even talker to my counsilors and psychiatrists maybe its my time to go and finally give them what they want besides my life has been hell so far […]
It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
does anyone constantly feel like they want to run away, although there is nowhere to run to? feel so lost, like u dont belong in this society, in the world? everyday is just a constant battle not to hop on a bus and run far away from my family. i love them but i cant stand being with them. i cant stand anyone for too long. cant hold a job, have no desires in this world. i want to run away but anywhere i go will just be the same as here. i want to die, but i dont want to kill myself. i just […]
I havent posted in a few weeks but thats because i was getting better i made plans and i was supposed to be going to my friends 21st tomorrow but then tuesday we argued because i asked her why she hadnt replied turns out her friend was in hospital and she told me to fuck off ive sent her over 300 messages and she hasnt replied she wont even read them which hurts so much more shes one of the last 2 people in my life i care about now theres only one and she hasnt been replying either so im alone i have no […]
Why cant they just understand, just listen to me and how this feels
You dont have to deal with this so you cant fully understand but can you at least try?
Stop telling me to JUST BE HAPPY
Beacuse i want to be happy on my own without the pills but right now i cant
Just please try to unserstand, please im begging……..
My x is just wow he cheated on me and then all of a sudden today at lunch hes like hey i made a mistake i know and im stupid i lost the best thing ever can you give me another chance im like no
why
cause your a liar and cheater
so what i can change
um no ive seen how you are even now you flirt you cheat you think everythings a game well how about no you dumb fucking liar huh
….wow youre more mean
well so what everyhting thats happened to me i guess makes me abit colder and colder
ok well whatever i dont need you
ok i […]
I am so done
I’m falling, I’m sinning, and I’m scared as crap to repent
because it means facing my sins and making the same promise I keep making and I don’t know why i cant keep my promise to my Heavenly Father
I always plan on killing myself, on hurting myself, and i just want the pain to go away
I just want everything to be okay, just for one day so I can figure out how I can get everything under control in my life.
The only good thing in my life right now is my wonderful girlfriend.
But when my own family […]
Sometimes i go through my day wishing i hadnt woken that morning. Life is a constant struggle and always seems to find a new way to throw another unfortunate event at my face. Ive been through hell and back to the point where i dont feel physical pain. Its like tyson could beat my face in and i wouldnt shed a tear. Its not until you criticize me with your words that i break like a twig. The amount of physical torture ive endured because you are so careless about others emotions. It seems u take advantage of every possible chance you get put me […]
I use to think of myself being better than anyone else.But it aint worth it if u don’t prove it to the society, i realized it recently that I am the biggest failure and not a trust worthy person. in these past few weeks i have done so many regrettable things.1) i took money without asking my parents 2)I have failed my classes and coursework which my father went through a lot to get a seat in that college 3) i failed my group in completing the coursework, which ruined the relation between my best friend and me. so i had to talk with my father about this the first […]
i give up i wish i could do something but i cant i try and be happy but now…i dont feel anything when i cut it doesnt hurt no matter how deep….i want to just end this i mean my life sucks right now and my dad just cant stop punishing me…so far i have gone one day without water from him and a week without food….i can feel my self being eatting inside out….i just what this to end
Hey names jane 12
my life was good up to age 7. My got ill with dementia. Her side doesnt help much. My dad and his family took care of us. My mum has been taken in and out of hospital for the past 4 years. It has taken alot out of all of us. Me and my sisters were taken in to care before my dad got full custody of us. (He and my mum seperated) my dad is stressed all the time. My mum doesn’t want to take her medicine. Â She always talks about God god god god. He hasnt done anything. Â My life […]
a lot of people say
that you cant
care about others
before you care
about yourself.
you have to care
about yourself
before you care
about others.
you have to take
care of yourself
before you take
care of others.
but i dont do that.
i dont care about
my life.
i dont care about
myself.
i just dont care.
i care about others.
about their lives.
their problems.
i help them,
bring them happiness.
but then im their
crumbling
breaking
cracking
more and more
each day.
i just dont care.
So you have that one person, your other half. He/she wants to see you do good and stay positive . And you just feel like you cant look up to there expectations . It hurts, and it hurts even more that you can’t be honest with them because you dont want them to know how you really feel. Im so very good with keeping my emotions bottled up. Because once they are out there is no ceiling it back up. Honestly can get you only so far in life..
Lately a lot of things have been happing , i have the good moments and the bad moments. for some reason the only thing i worry about or pay attention to is the bad ones. Its gets all stuck in my head and cant get out ! I feel like its carved in my damn head !!
when im alone , or laying down after a bad day. Everything from that day that was bad hits me and thats all i can think about. And I begin t0 cry ! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
im done with the waiting around
but i can stop it; i just cant stop it
it hurts to wait for people like this
but i have to; i force myself too
i try to let people go and on their way
instead of them hanging around me
and me bring them down to my level
but i cant let go of these people
and i dont know why because i need to
i need to let them go because soon
ill be going myself; ill be on my way
and maybe its going to hurt them
or maybe not, but all i know
as […]
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
I know that it feels like a good way out of the bullshit that life throws at you. but its the cowards way out. suicide has never helped anyone. and i know you dont want the world to see you but you are a beautiful person and you cant see it. you just cant see that there is a place beyond the bullshit. there is a place just on the brink of perfection and you will get there one day. the world is going to change whether its for better or for worse there will always be that happy place but killing yourself will only […]
i would love to kill myself right now. Â I just can’t tolerate myself anymore. I have no desire for anything, Ive been carrying to much weight on my shoulders for so long. Â I just cant keep going anymore. But Im just gonna go to sleep n live one more day
My past is now haunting me. I was raped when i was 13. Im almost 16 now. and now everyday im reminded of what happened. it kills me inside. i cant still feel everything he did to me. where he hit me, when stuck it in, when he let it out, when he hit me, when he kicked me while i was down, when he stabbed me, everything. i cant get away from it.and i see him every day because of school. hes always staring at me or following me in engineering. Â i cant sleep anymore. i feel myself distancing myself from my boyfriend. i […]