I wish i could go back  and do things differently. Now im stuck. I guess thats just the way life goes, although I know I would die if I knew I could come back new. i didnt know someone my age could carry so much regret. It only really hurts when I see something that that reminds me, like today i saw the snack gummies that we used to eat whilst we stayed up all night long watching stupid movies. I did everything you asked of me, and would literally have pulled my heart out and given it to you if you needed it. How […]
I’ve attempted many times to better myself and failed. I’ve been an active person in the community, some failed jobs, and I’ve allowed alcohol to come into my life not knowing what would happen. I’ve tried sucide before but it didn’t work. And since then the feelings come back every now and then. Feelings of resentment, bitterness, hate and low self/family/community worth. And now I’m in debt, unemployed and taking up space. I’ve applied for an apprenticeship program and I hope it goes well so I can get back on my own two feet again. Thanx.
Most mornings I wake up wondering why Im still alive. I hate life, there are good, even great things in my life, but they don’t make me happy. The people I love or like to hang out with and the things I like to do only make me comfortable for a bit, even a couple of days, but the desire to die always come back and it is getting stronger by the second. I just never understood whats the point of life. Work and have kids???? that doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I work and go to school, but I would just love to stay […]
I wrote this poem today, it sucks, but I haven’t written anything in weeks, so…
“I remember
When you looked at me
With those eyes
When I couldn’t help but
Idolize
When my heart began
To race.
And I remember
When I saw you
When your eyes
Had lost all light
When you stopped
Fighting the fight
When you lost yourself
And me
And now you’re gone
and I’m waiting
Waiting for you to come
back
Waiting to see those
eyes
Waiting to know if you’re
alive
Please come back
Please wake up
You’re still there
Lost, to be found
And I’m waiting
For you to come back.â€
This was […]
People assume that we, who are suicidal, are stupid or not smart enough.. We are actually very smart, we can see things the way they are, we analyze the problems and we know there is a solution but we also know it will always come back to the same Shit
I’m 24 years old Ive had suicidal thoughts since I was 12. Ive tried to kill myself 3 times, but only the third time sent me to the hospital. in the first time I took a lot of sleeping pills and I only slept for over 24 hrs. in the second time I took a whole bottle of pain killers like Tylenol, I threw up nonstop for 6 to 7 hrs. there are periods of time when my suicidal thoughts seem to be gone, but they always come back. I’ve been contemplating suicide a lot lately and I’m just afraid I will fail like the […]
I thought I could trust her with my heart.
She told me she loved me and we had the most amazing relationship together.
Then she left me lonely
I am still in love with everything about her. Her hair. Her face. Her way. She abandoned me, even though she promised she would never leave.
Life has no meaning anymore. She was my everything. Now she is only a distant memory that I’m still in love with.
I know that she will never come back to me
And that is why I will be in pain for the rest of my life
bm
The day we have to be parted
When I don’t have you next to me
The distant between us makes me feel weary and loneliness begins to creep into my heart
But everytime when I hear that song… the song we used to listen together, my heart gets dirtied away
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As if I could feel your tender warmth when you were near
Do you know there is this one song… whenever I hear it, I would only think of you
And I don’t know how long it would be till we […]
I’ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you don’t know. Nobody knows. You’re not breathing my absence of air right now. You’re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. You’re all in your own world and it doesn’t affect you at all. So why am I writting it ?
To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.
She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She […]
There are no miracles; I can’t get through this storm.
I can’t even leave my house (again) to do anything useful today. I am totally useless (completely). Perpetual limbo on repeat- between a dead life and death.
I’m that blue (brown) eyed whore. I am that little girl. I am her. There’s no one to help me through this storm.
Here is PJ Harvey on Autoharp, lovely version of Down by the Water.
I lost my heart
Under the bridge
To that little girl
So much to me
And now I moan
And now I holler
She’ll never know
Just what I found
That blue eyed girl
She said […]
I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and came out of it pretty well considering. Last summer I suffered another injury that has caused some of my brain injury to come back along with new problems. I lack impulse control and I’m severely depressed and get angry easily. It’s just a matter of time before that lack of impulse control triggers me to act on my depression. Even without that problem I try and talk myself out of committing suicide. It would be so much easier for this life to be over.
I’m going to take a break. So I won’t be on this site for a while. I won’t post anything or comment. I don’t know for how long. Maybe 2 days, maybe 2 weeks, maybe 2 months. I just don’t know. I am coming back, I guess, don’t know what’s going to happen in the next days… Love you all guys!! <3 Just need a break, although I find a lot of strength and understoodment at this site.
Please, everybody on this site, keep fighting, stay strong and believe in yourself!! Love you <3!
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