It’s done. That final thing I had is about to be taken away from me. First my family made me their scapegoat, then I found out that 90% of my so called “friends” actually have been bitching behind my back for nearly as long as I’ve known them and now my boyfriend is going to leave me. Basically this girl (ex girlfriend) he slept with (with protection) is trying to say that it didn’t work and that she is pregnant. She has also given him an ultimatum, either he goes back to her and they be a “perfect” family, or he will never see the […]
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Cpc
I give up. I’m done with having people pretend to care about me and then tell me they don’t when things get tough. I’m just going to go back to the quiet old me who doesn’t make a sound when things get bad. Sure the psychological side effects will get to me, but whatever, as long as everyone else is happy, it’s all good, right? Or maybe I should just get the gun and get this over and done with now and let everyone else be happy without being a burden… it’s all win win, so why not?
CPC
I’ve always believed in giving everyone another chance and to forgive but not forget and all that, but what happens when the person who fucked up your life the most apologizes? The so called man who pushed your friend to commit suicide and your brother to attempt? The so called man who bullied and harassed you not only physically and emotionally, but sexually too for years before who took that final step and raped you. The reason you don’t trust, you don’t sleep and the reason you don’t even recognize yourself. Am I suppose to take the “right” way out and forgive him? Or do […]
Today I went to school as normal, but instead of going to psychology, I had to go to do a chemistry prac I missed out on earlier in the week (worth 25% of my grade). Everything was fine until the teacher (not my usual one) started screaming at everyone. For the first time (in a school environment) my PSTD started to kick in and I started getting flashbacks of when my ex would scream at me before hitting me. I started having an anxiety attack, and before I knew it, everything was blurry and I was on the floor nearly crying. The teacher and assistant […]
The title really says it all. I’m having a lot of flashbacks from different difficults parts of my life and I just want them to stop or at least reduce. So does anyone have any hints or tricks on how to stop/reduce them?
CPC
I would firstly like to say rest in peace to Oliva. For those of you who don’t know, Oliva was a 14 year old girl who made a youtube video about bullying and suicide (along with her story) before actually committing suicide.
Now for my anger / upset rant. Shortly after I found out, all my facebook pages started blowing up with hate about how selfish she was and how she was just attention seeking. My heart just fell. We are the result of billions of years of evolution, we should start acting like it. We should all start trying to understand each other rather than […]
Just making a list that I can look back on whenever I feel down.
– Parents: Unlike what most people I know say about their parents, mine are amazing to me. They have supported me through everything and never left. If anything, they are here more than ever 🙂
– Close friends: They understand that I need them, but that I also need space.
– Boyfriend: I don’t even know where to start with how much he has helped me.
– My old therapist: The reason I can trust.
– My ex / now friend: The one person who completely understood and took all the […]
I just don’t see the point of staying here anymore… but at the same time I know I will probably be alright after letting some stuff off my chest. I don’t expect anyone to care though, because lets face it, that’s life for you…
CPC
I’m sitting here celebrating my 17th birthday with friends, my family and the boyfriend and things are actually looking up for a change 🙂 but something’s really bugging me. My grandfather came up to me a little while ago and made the comment “I’m glad you’re happy. I knew that “depression” phase would vanish.” At first I asked him what he meant and he started going on about how young I was and how it was impossible for me to feel real, long term depression. Now I’m just really annoyed. I mean just because I’m not an adult, doesn’t mean I haven’t had experience or […]
Just when my life takes a turn for the better, it takes another for the worse. I’m still dealing with the same shit, but now the people I put in prison for raping / helping rape me got released (biggest load of bullshit out -.-) and now I think my boyfriend wants to split just because I want to go to University in a different state to make sure I get the best education and experience. He always brings up leaving all the bullshit here and just leaving somewhere with me, so I offered him to come or to have a long distance relationship and […]
I really could just finish this now. All the bullshit from others, self loathing, anxiety and depression could be gone with just one slit. The knife is in my hand, no one is here to stop me, and even if they were, I doubt they would with how they feel about me now. I really want to do it and get it over with, but I just can’t seem to do it. God knows why, I mean it’s for the best, so why can’t I? Maybe somewhere inside I think it will get better, or maybe I am scared of failing that just like everything […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
I’m starting to gain weight! I know that so many females (and some males) would dread this, but I can’t tell you how happy it makes me!
Before my life took a turn for the worse, I use to eat like a pig. I’d have up to 5th servings for everything and just seem to not stop eating. I’d exercise most of it off, but I was still large for my age. During the time when my depression was at it’s highest, I basically stopped eating and started trying to exercise a lot. As a result, I lost nearly half my body weight. Even as I started getting […]
I know that what I’m about to write is pretty horrible and that not many people on this site have gone through it (or at least I hope not), but I would really appreciate the opinions and help from anyone willing to give it.
Short version is that last year I was raped and nearly gang raped and since then I just haven’t been the same. I mean I was pretty messed up from some other stuff, but that was the even that completely changed me. Some of my friends and family already know about it all (not from my mouth), but I really want to […]
Growing up, I was that girl who always believed (and had been told) I was fat and ugly and that even makeup and surgery wouldn’t fix that (still have only worn makeup once in my life, and that was for a performance). I also embraced the label the perfectionist “nerd” and girl who hung out with the “weirdos” of the school (I love them <3), so I know what it is like to cop a lot of crap and be bullied. And even though I consider myself someone who doesn’t let verbal abuse affect them, I know what is is like to feel like crap […]
I know I’m new here, but I just want all of you to know that I’m always here to listen to anyone, just email me. Even if you don’t think it’s important and you think no one would care, it will be important to me. Heck it can just to say you ate something for lunch or something to distract you. I want to do anything I can to make you feel better. If you just want someone to yell at / get your story / day / whatever out (part of the reason I joined the site), just put at the top that you […]