Ok, I’ve never expressed myself like this before but I have nobody else to turn to. I am a 35 year old man whose partner left 5 weeks ago. I had a 19 year habit with cannabis, something I have given up since my partner left because it caused me to rage in uncontrollable ways. So would never physically harm her but the mental torture I must have put her through was intense. I don’t even know why. Now after 5 weeks off it I haven’t had one money of madness and feel good about that but there is one problem. She won’t speak to […]
 Memories are something where you can not escape. Haunt you day and night. They make you relive every pain they caused. They dont let you sleep, eat, think. You feel like they are stabbing you again and again until you can not breathe. Tears run down your cheeks. Makes you do crazy things where eventually you will find out that it was not your intention of doing them. And so it will continue for the rest of your days. Waiting for the day that someone will save you. And avoid falling again.I suppose i just want to get my thoughts down on a visible medium. For as long as i can remember,  i’ve always preferred to never exist. Im 21 right now and i dont see an endgame in life that i could possibly enjoy. I simply dont want to exist. I want all traces of my life to be gone an erased from all records and notice. I have family that cares for me, this being the only thing preventing action. So now i guess the only thing to do in life for me is to continue doing absurd crazy things and take great risks […]
After 4 months of not cutting…I’m going to cut tonight.
You dont have to read this and, believe me, i’m not writing this for you.
I’m writing this for me.
For forever I have been trying to show people that I understand and that they’re not alone and that i’ll be here for anyone and I was never needed.
For too long have I held off on cutting for your fucking happiness and so YOU wont have to be disgusted with my fresh wounds.
For years have I held out on stealing YOUR boyfriend because I know that we’re soulmates and HE kissed ME and I […]