i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but […]
You’re the most beautiful pain. You’re so cruel and vain. But still, I’d go if you call me, I’d die if you ask me. I’d fight if you want me. I’d do anything for you. I love you more than you could knew. I just wish I have the courage to tell you, what I feel for you. Wish I could tell, how I wish I could erase you, but you’re on my daily thoughts and on my days. That makes it harder to forget. But your such a beautiful pain, that I’d be glad to have you for the rest of my days. […]
What’s the point of life? All you do is struggle and live, and eventually die. Why do we study hard? What’s the point of living if you don’t want to? I feel like life is a cruel joke thrust upon us even when we don’t want to live. Everyone suffers, for no reason at all. It is completely pointless. Life sucks and it always has. There is no point at all to it.
I don’t have anyone in this world. No friends or girlfriend, nothing at all. I’m only 18 but I don’t want to get a job and work for the rest of my life. It just seems like torture. I’m also afraid of getting old. I don’t want to be remembered like that. I’d rather die while I’m still young. Not only that but I generally dislike humans. We do a lot of horrible things and yeah this world is just cruel. I also feel controlled as a human, it’s hard to explain but yeah.. I want to feel like I’m the one in control and […]
I messed up this summer. I fucked up my relationship with my best friend who I’ve secretly had feelings for for the past 5 or so years. Since grade school we were friends and in high school when I started to get really depressed she was the only person I could talk whom I felt didn’t judge me for it. She helped me a lot in some low points in my life when I was thinking about suicide. She’d always ask me how I was feeling and she’d listen to me rant about life without judgement. She lived kind of far away so I would […]
I guess I fell for that fateful curse of “tomorrow could be the day that it all gets better”… and dya know the cruel joke about tomorrow? Tomorrow never comes.
I’m done waiting for something that won’t happen for me.
For those that read my previous post, you know that I’ve worked 30 health care as a respiratory therapist and paramedic. My username reflects the motto of a paramedic and the job I dedicated to do.
During that time, I’ve seen many times where lives were not saved but extended. People uncomfortable in pain sad and miserable is there to variety of tubes and machines. Often times lying in their own feces or urine with open wounds draining the most terrible smelling fluids.
Often times these patients were getting good care but you can’t stand over a patient 24 hours a day 7 days a week and […]
I cut myself and I do it cuz I think it would make me feel better…my girlfriend told me yesterday that she didn’t love me and that I was wasting my time with her…and that its over…i loved her so much that I would have died for her as much as her best friend…her best friend was cutting her self too…and now I finally understand y… Her best friend said she would die for me and I thought that their is only three people who care about me and my ex girlfriend is not one of them…my family doesn’t love me…they all hate me and […]
One of my old mates that I have been fighting with came around to my house tonight and asked if I wanted to go hunting so I said yes and we went and killed some pigs and stuff with the dogs I had heaps of fun but my legs are sore because we have been running up hills all night it is 4:24am atm I’m so tired time for bed I think goodnight everybody.
In Australia hunting is a big thing and I have been brought up doing it my whole life so it’s kinda like my get away from sitting at home being sad 24-7
Im sad and angry. Very much of both.
I toy with the idea of taking the life of some motherfucking douchbag that doesn’t deserve the life they were born into. But I cannot do it.
It angers me that someone so pure at heart can get the shaft and be born to a broken home and ya ya blah blah blah boo hoo etc, yet some fucking foul piece of shit can have it all; loving family, high metabolism, a perfectly not undersized manhood, opportunity.
God is cruel.
This is my second post on here…. I don’t know how often I will post but I see this an outlet for me. I feel like I don’t have to hold it all in anymore….
Anyway, I have tried to kill myself with pills and alcohol but it didn’t do anything. The feeling you get afterwards just lingered all for a few day. My speech was a little slurred and I couldn’t walk straight but eventually the feeling went away. The feeling of wanting to die or wanting to live varies from day to day. Some days I feel like I got this and others I […]
Hey there. Did you miss me? Probably not.
A friend of mine convinced me to talk to him rather than post stuff here… That worked out for about a day.. and then I realised that I had too much shit and too many problems to just dump it all on him. The offer was nice at first, but.. I don’t even know how to begin talking to him.
I don’t know how to talk to anyone any more.
I don’t know how to begin telling my story, or even where to. I don’t know who’d care enough to listen or who’d just laugh in my face. I don’t […]
Karma
As I sit under this empty tree,
I wonder how life could be so cruel to me.
I give my all to those around,
But karma doesn’t come back and surround.
There are no answers that I can see,
To ease this pain inside of me.
But it will end sooner than you know,
When all I have to do is let go.
I cannot wait for karma to return,
The love for my soul that I most yearn.
All I hope is you learm from this,
To take more care of those you might miss.
D.A
.
.
author- me 2013
I had many more poems, but sadly I lost the only copies when I couldn’t afford my storage shed […]
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown ”Pagliacci” is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am ”Pagliacci”.”
Everything I do is worthless,everything I feel is useless,everything I hope for is always a cruel mirage and my soul is so full of pain I don’t feel like I have any strength anymore to keep forcing myself to live,what for? in the end life just hurts you,people take advantage of you the more sensitive and empathy you feel the worst and unlike they say it never actually gets better is all a lie it just lifts you up with a false pretense to throw you against the ground while it laughs at you and there you go again like a masochist standing up in order […]
Why did I have to end up right here in this place? I am a very cold person now, I mean in order for me to show any type of care and love I have to really really love a person. Generally I’m cold and uncaring and distant and I get annoyed by people a lot. I actually like being alone for the most part, I kind of drag when I have to go out with people. Times like right now I just look at my life and wonder what happened, what did I do so wrong that I’ve reached this point? That i’m this […]
I have been a lurker for a very long time. Reading your stories has been very cathartic for me. I don’t want anyone to have a miserable life and I wish we all had great ones but unfortunately that isn’t a reality for most of us. Life is hard and very unfair. I like that this site allows us to share our thoughts and feelings without fear. I am very depressed myself and life has been hard. I can’t find many reasons to continue on but I am too afraid to commit suicide. I’ve come to terms that this is it for me, that my life […]
The past few months have been utter hell. The love of my life dumped me and since we have the same friends, they all dumped me too. I used to live in a house with all of them and now I am out cold on my own. I have done absolutely nothing to my friends to hurt them, yet they have been cruel to me for no reason and ditched me. They were my friends first. They ditched me because they couldn’t be assed to help me out, he wasn’t hurt, so oh let’s all side with him and leave her for the rats. I […]
Honestly I’m ready to end up my life this time. Its very hard to let myself keep survive and put a side for all the issues I had in my life. Its make me always felt hurt & cries everytime I look in myself.
When 10 yrs ago, if my first time suicide succeed, probably this time I’ll no need do more cruel action on myself. Absolutely this time I’ll no more use pills and its was right taking pills could not put in death. What a waste action, but this time I’m surely my 2nd action for suicide and die will be success.
I’m […]
since i was a kid iv always felt like i dont belong in this world. i can never do anything right and dont fit in atall. i have no friends and if i do make a friend they always end up betraying me. i made a very close sucide attempt at 13 and was told my life would get better but 10 years on its not i just feel like im waiting to die to end this pain. every one says sucide is wrong, i dont agree if ur unhappy y is it wrong to take ur own life. iv been a self harmer since […]