*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]
Tag:
Dean
After seven months- I relapsed on alcohol. My professors have told me that I’m not committed and won’t get a job despite my A’s and being on the Dean’s list. I cried all day yesterday, I can’t take it. So much pressure, I had stopped thinking of suicide when I entered a university because I felt like finally I found something that makes me happy. Finally I’m doing something to take away the thoughts. And now I’ve been fucking terrible at every little thing and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore and I […]
Clash into dust into ash into lust
with another ways dream and another mans dean
without a word suffer with a counter cost cutter
with no aspiration inside this temptation
into but oblivion with bottles of insidium
quite opposite the transaction
of dying plaster reaction
into nothingness evolve with a starlit twice revolved
SORRY ABOUT ALL OF THE POEMS ITS HOW I EXPRESS MYSELF
I lose myself in music when I don’t want to talk to people or face the world. However, music has been the thing most accompanied from my suicide attempts.
I remember every song for every time I tried to commit suicide.
1. You Only Live Once – Suicide Silence (the irony, I know.)
2. A Match Into Water – Pierce the Veil
3. If I’m James Dean, You’re Audrey Hepburn – Sleeping with Sirens
4. The Drug In Me Is You – Falling In Reverse
5. Miserable at Best – My Chemical Romance
6. CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater – Never Shout Never
7. A Trophy Father’s Trophy Son – Sleeping with Sirens
8. Baby Don’t Cut – […]
I wish I would have found a site like this 6 years ago.  My life once so full of promise, senior in high school, on the dean’s list with a life of grander ahead.  Started down a bad path.  I think I’ve always been bipolar.  The highs are never better, and the lows can’t get any lower.  Started experimenting with drugs.  Found my drug of choice in pain meds.  I was good at hiding the pain on the inside with a happy face on the outside as long as I was numb enough to not care any longer.  The addiction got worse. Drinking and driving after […]
Why do all the bad things feel so right? The blood..it’s pretty..so why is it bad? I thought all pretty things were good..but I guess that’s not the case. Today, my friend saw my cuts..she wants to tell the dean. I don’t know what I should do…
It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
I lost myself in his eyes, I even told him I would marry him and have his baby. It wasnt good enough for him. He found love somewhere else, yet im the *****, im the WHORE, crying alone in the corner. Ive been a shattered jar for years and its never enough to have me apparently, I agree with his malice. Ive taken 27 pills and im really hoping that it works this time, I want to make him happy by saying goodbye. Im no longer a barbie doll, im no longer the apple of his eye. I love you Dean, see you again someday […]
To Z and J,
I don’t know how things ended up this way. Was it my fault? Was it your fault? Does it matter? I just can’t believe we’ve ended up where we are. I was so in love with you. I am still in love with you, I think. Despite everything. I guess that makes me stupid and crazy. I know you don’t care about me anymore. Even worse, maybe you hate me. Maybe I deserve that.
I’m so hurt by how you’ve acted since we broke up. Remember how we cried together, hugged, and said we loved each other? What happened? When did you start […]
A couple days ago, I asked the Dean for some accommidations on my job. Specifically, I was having persistent short-term memory issues. What I asked for was’nt much, Just having a lab assistant (Their threshold is 25, I have classes of 23 and 22). I opened up to the Dean.
Worst. Mistake. Ever.
Apparently, she mentions things to the Director, who immediately schedules a meeting with me and the Dean the next day. Once in there, I am informed that my requests are against policy without written, medical documentation, and it was strongly inferred that even asking for help indicates that I can’t handle the rigors of […]