“monica? monica where are you?” as my mother yelled loudly while walking up the white wood staircase.*bang on door and sound of a door knob clicking* “monica open the god damn door or you will be grounded for weeks!” yelled my mother at my door.”WHAT?” I yelled madly back. “open the door” mother said with a slightly lower sounding voice. “no” I yelled. “monica i just wanted to tell you dinner is ready, if your hungry. i answered quickly so she would go away quicker “no thanks mom im just going to go to sleep” she yelled back ” ok […]
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Deep Thought
I got home from school to see that no one was home. Tears were streaming don my face as I made my way to my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed  in deep thought. Why do I have to be so ugly? Fat..worthless..stupid? I feel so alone-my friends..suggested we stop hanging out. I’m not a lesbian by the way. I may be a tad bisexual but so what? I’m not fully gay. And to anyone who IS gay, don’t be ashamed. My brain was clouded with thoughts. I screamed out in frustration and practically tore apart my room. Stuff was strewn out […]
Today.
21 january.
One year.
One year of self-harm.
One year of cuts.
21 january.
21 january 2012.
The day.
The day I started cutting.
Cutting on my hands.
Cutting on my feet.
Cutting on my hips.
Cutting on my belly.
Cutting on my lower arms.
Cutting on my wrists.
Cutting on my chest.
I can remember that day as yesterday. Saturday 21 january 2012. I grabbed a scissors and started to scrape and scrape on my hand until there was a little scar with a very little bit of blood. I did it, couldn’t go back. Well, it doesn’t matter, right? It was just […]
Sorry, I have been in deep thought for a few couple of weeks. Trying to figure out my own situations, complixed complicated life.
Instead of forgetting, I will just write it down. Hopefully take all of these memories away from my mind. Start over, a new chapter, Learning Lessons. But hopefully to draw again, hopefully to enjoy things again, hoping to love and forgive myself for all these years of hating and wanting myself dead. Hoping one day I could love someone else as well again. But better. Right now isn’t the time, the day, or chapter to be with anyone but myself and family again. No lie it’s ganna be hard, and its […]