i ate a fortune cookie. the fortune read,
‘if you would have managed your plans properly, it would not have caused chaos.’
ironic, right? as, it hits pretty close to home.
Have you ever f*cked up a situation or friendship that you honestly believed was unf*ckable? That you believed was foolproof, with no f*ckabilty ratio?
I did that yesterday..and it sucks.
I just thought I could open up more, to someone I have been trying to open up to for a few years now. It is not a relationship, but it was helping me get through some things. I considered him to be a friend. And now he sees me as a crazy, depressed, hopeless loon; so I lost another friend.
Here’s to another birthday knowing that I should just keep my f*cking mouth shut when it comes to my life.
I’m very upset today, about so much..it’s too much to write. I wanted to feel better today- thankful for another year of life..but I feel very tired. Just exhausted. And I can’t tell anyone.
I guess this is why anonymity is so popular these days.
People get flustered, shocked and downright scared to death when they have a near miss with death. The odd thing is, this has happened to me a multiple amounts of times. And every time I’m slightly saddened…
… Because I didn’t die.
One time on a bike ride, I was riding on the side of the road (there was no path but a wide road) and I could hear a bus behind me reaching the top of a hill I had just gone over. The driver must have been distracted for one reason or another but as he passed me (at quite a speed) he nearly hit my handle bars and continued along side me so close I could touch the side of the vehicle.
Now no part of me was freightned or shocked but instead I was filled with disappointment. I got to the bottom of the hill and stopped there, watching my ticket to death drive away. I was so disappointed that my chance to get off this world was seemingly stolen from me…
Ever since then I’ve had a life of carelessness around anything dangerous, people have given me strange looks, even shocked ones when I’ve had other near misses with death with little to no reaction. I almost consider myself a dead man walking. I certainly feel that way on the inside.
Does any one else on this site feel this way? Like someone who should be dead but still has the burden of walking this planet?