angry again. why exactly i can’t really say. angry with myself, the world, everyone and everything. blah blah. that is what depression is -right? anger turned inward. self loathing. mind games where you set yourself up to fail. i will never win because i don’t believe i deserve to. i can talk a good game in therapy but that inner cynic is there to remind me of my unworthiness, worthlessness. the cynic is working hard to convince me that life isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. that i have every reason and right to tell everyone fuck you and off myself. the […]
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Diseases
Hello. This is my first post here. IÂ don’t really know why I’m writing this. I guess I just want to spill it out. May be it will help me to cope with my feelings.
I feel so angry at myself for complaining about my life. I mean look at the world around us. People are dying from hunger, from war, from diseases, from cancer….and here I am. Safe and sound…well…for now…
I’m almost 18. Feel like 12 years old to be honest. How did I even get that old. So fast.
I dont have anything to hold on to. Relationship with my family is…how can i put it…not the one […]
I want to die so badly. There are thousands of other girls who are battling AIDS, cancer and other diseases, clutching to life, but failing, and there’s me, just crying and wishing that someone would slit my throat so I dont have to. Im just not good enough for anyone. Im not expected to have feelings, Im not expected to have wishes and needs, apparently I cant even choose my own high school elective courses, and after being screamed at about it, I am not expected to feel upset, they want me to be all smiles, hugging them and saying “I love you”.
Theres a […]
I have only ever wanted one thing. It’s the only thing that I will never have.
In grade school, I was maybe seven years old, my teacher asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew myself with a bunch of babies and kids running around and wrote “stay at home mom.” Now, I’d say my goals have changed considerably, I’d rather work than stay home, but I still have dreams about little green-eyed babies.
My freshman year of college I found out that I’ll never get those babies. I also found out that I will never be in love, I’ll […]
Hello to all readers,
I am an aussie uni student and am researching the topic of suicide for a presentation tomorrow. I have read many of the posts submited to try and gain some insight into the topic and could’nt help but feel so deeply saddened by what I’ve come across. Saddened mainly because many of the people that have submitted posts appear to all have one thing in common. That is that they seem to feel that they are less worthy of life and happiness than others. Happiness is not designed to be complicated and illusive. Everyone is entitled to be here, that is why you are here in the […]