Im just so frustrated and done with everything. Its my first full semester in college. I have learned that I do not belong at this school, people have said so to my face. The only reason im with my current roommate is because she was drugged during the summer term and i helped her. She constantly brings me down saying i have no tits or my face is awful. She treats me like a 2 year old and is extremely rude. She doesn’t take what I want and need intl consideration, she only thinks about herself. I do everything I can for her to be […]
I can’t go on. I just spent the last hour trying to find something to bring me happiness to snap out of this and I can’t find any reason worth carrying on for. Everything I used to know is pretty much gone or changed. My stomach is killing me and I am numb. I look at dieing as almost a good way to be able to end this stress and pain that never goes away. It is sad, but true.
I guess I fell for that fateful curse of “tomorrow could be the day that it all gets better”… and dya know the cruel joke about tomorrow? Tomorrow never comes.
I’m done waiting for something that won’t happen for me.
Robin Williams was so incredibly fortunate to be able to die on his own terms and still have the popular opinion in his favor. It doesn’t seem to be socially acceptable to judge him or call him a coward for what he did. Rather, people are still celebrating his life and all the good he’s done, and this is what we’ll pass down to future generations. They’ll never think seriously about how he died, just his amazing talent and the legacy he left behind. It’s amazing how different it is for so many others who ended their lives.
Instead of taking a bunch of pills in one go as I have done in the past, I have been taking 15 extra strength Tylenol a day with alcohol. This way, I won’t puke it all up. Wish me luck.
Feels like eons since I’ve been on this site, but in “reality” it has only been a few weeks. I moved 4 hours away from my previous home, got a job at walmart making a pittance to run around like a headless chicken. Stressing to the max about money. And still wanting to kill myself.
I found a super awesome guy who’s letting me rent his room and is understanding about me not having the rent money until I get paid in 2-4 weeks. And he has a really cool 15 year old daughter who stays with him part time. I love teenagers. They’re so much […]
I’m so done caring, about anything or anyone.
I’ve just given up.
In school, in life.
I’m a disappointment to everyone, but i don’t care.
I can’t care.
I’m incapable of caring anymore.
I’ve tried.
I’m just so done, so empty, so lost, so tired, tired of it all.
I don’t care
i started cutting the other day… i done it before but this one was worse..
I’ve had enough. I’m done trying to prove myself. Or trying to please you. “Listen here you little *****,” is that what I am to you? A *****? I stopped being your daughter years ago. Even before I truly realized it. You thought I was messing with your head then? I’m not sick like you. The whole damn family knew you cared more about your boyfriends then you did me. “I’ve written my resignation letter twice Cierra!” Wanna know how many times I’ve written my suicide letter? I deserve to be treated better. I haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t clean my room well enough? […]
Things have turned around lately. My life has done a complete 180. It’s great.
So why do I still want to die.
I can’t do this anymore, I really truly can’t. The stress is too much. The pressure is too much. Everyone expects too much from me, when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning anymore. To my family I am just a failure because I can never meet their expectations. To my friends, I am a burden to have around because I suck the life out of anyone who is near me. I ruin everything that I touch beyond repair, and I am nothing more than a pathetic waste of space. I shouldn’t be on […]
So… I woke up and intended to kill myself today. I decided to give it one last shot with my MD who abandoned me. I sent her a text asking if there was a bed available at her hospital. That I was serious and was very genuinely asking for her help. Nothing provocative. Well, I had text her a bunch over the past few weeks asking when we can meet soon. Nothing provocative. But she wasn’t responding which was unusual so it created more distressed for me. Note: For those of you who haven’t read my posts, I have been through tons of treatment (ECT, […]
I worked myself stupid last year for an organization that was going under. I literally spent 56 hours working with no breaks and no sleep. You would think that the women who profited from my work, would spare an hour to come to my birthday celebration? Fuck. They don’t even have to come for an hour. Just show up and say hi. That’s all. I really wish I could articulate how hurt I am that I will be spending my 21st birthday…alone. What is the point of working hard on relationships if there is no gain to them? Why kill myself worrying over if i’m […]
I’ve tried cutting burning head banging hair pulling bitting I even used to to try to stop breathing when I was younger , but this has got to be the most fulfillingly agonizing thing I’ve done to myself and I want to continue to do it. You guys should try it, I heard I can even get ulcers in my stomach lol.
I’ve gotten all business attended and done I’ve got everything in order now I just have to do it finally I’ll be free from my abuse all my pain I don’t belong in this world was there any doubt I would die early not in my mind I knew at a youngest age that it would end with a bullet through the mouth and soon it will be done
(Didn’t want to highjack that other post again)… Have you ever been so tired and exhausted that you are too tired and exhausted to even sleep? I thought about treatment options today. I really don’t have any. I’ve done it all. I can’t bear to go back into DBT. ECT fried my brain last time and I am still suffering the memory consequences. I really don’t have any treatment options anymore. I’m out of options.
I’m done. I’ve really tried hard over the past three years to save myself but I just can’t do it. My psychiatrist abandoned me (yes, she did). Long story. I just can’t take it anymore. She was the last person in my life who believed in me. Clearly, she doesn’t believe in me anymore. I’m done with this life. I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore. I have a busy week so I need all my energy to go into my death… preparing instructions for my mom to care for my cats, writing goodbye and f*** you letters to people, cleaning my house so […]
I’m done. Had all I can take. No one understands how mentally destroyed I am..
I haven’t smiled in weeks…. Maybe months
I just can’t take it. It feels like my heart is literally ripping itself apart.
I don’t care if I’ll regret this decision, I JUST WANT OUT..
I’m sorry…
this is my end..
gotta wait for my package then after Saturday four days off so shouldn’t have interruptions unless my stupid parents decide to send me to the stupid hospital. then i have to wait a few weeks till my dad goes in vacation I’ll use his garage. I hate ryans stupid dad he took away the one thing I had that ever made me happy and brain washed him and made him crazy. the only thing I have are my cats and I can’t even take care of them because I’m crazy. I’m stuck here all alone because his stupid dad took him from me I have […]
I’m so tired of living without purpose. Everything is just empty. There is no goal. No imagined future point at which things might be ok again.
I am alone. And I don’t mean physically. I mean morally. I am outside the human community. Everyone I interact with would have to reject me if they knew what I had done, and what I am.
What I have done is unacceptable by anyone, no matter how understanding or well meaning. No one can truly know me, accept me, love me. I am utterly alone. For the rest of my existence.
It is wrong for me to continue to live. And […]