i want to inspire you, to challenge you to feel like you haven t felt before.i want to know you…as i told you so many time: i wanna know what makes you tick,babe. you are so adorable that i feel the need to be overprotective with you…it s hard to restrain myself, it s hard to restrain myself to not love you because i already told you, you are soooo easy to love.your simplicity and natural way of being overwhelmes me … it makes me think…would it be ok for her to be mine?could i love her the way she deserves to be loved? would […]
Tag:
dopamine
As someone who has educated myself on psychology, mental health, neurology, and philosophy, and have various mental illnesses (PTSD, Personality disorders of the Paranoid, Addictive, Dependent, and Avoidant type, OCD, ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder), not only can I evaluate myself, but feel as if I have a greater understanding on my own situation and others in similar situations than the people who counsel me. Not to brag (I’m not a pride type of person), but most psychologist and councelers I been to said that I am very intelligent, articulate, and incredibly self aware compared to there other clients. Some even told me that I […]
Can someone please help me end this? This is ridiculous.
For me to have the strength to end it all, i would have to have some motivation. If I had any motivation to do anything, I would cling to it. I would survive.
At this very moment, though, I only have the precious remnants of it. I’m drunk, so there’s some dopamine or some other shit in my system letting me be enough of a human to write this. Letting me be a man. A man which is strong enough to send a hopeless and desperate cry for help.
I work 50 hours a week and I give […]
Every day of my life I think about suicide, even just in passing. I hear people talk about it as if the know a damn thing about how it feels to prefer the inky blackness of the nothing that comes after death over life. I have one person in this world that keeps me going and some days she’s what gets me up in the morning. I can’t be certain I deserve this fate or that I don’t deserve it, but I am aware that I have no choice in the matter. I’ll explain why I’m here in the first place though, I am an […]
I think about suicide every day, but generally not too seriously. I wonder if I’ll be happy in a year or so from now. Life is a random set of coincidences that ultimately has no inherent importance. Being a member of this “life” game is boring. People keep telling me that it’s fun. What exactly is fun about working, coming home, eating, fucking, sleeping, and dying? Relationships are pathetic. They all lead to divorce and disappointment. Work is just a pretty word for “slavery.” Houses are just like cozy prison cells. We’re stuck on this stupid rock, only to die here… so I guess humanity […]
I’m in such a dark place right now. I hope maybe someone will be able to relate, and tell me I’m not alone. I’ve lost a friendship that was very valuable to me. Heartbreak, despair, despondence… this is my world right now.
Background: depression and suicidal thoughts (and attempts) since childhood; lengthy episodes of near-total isolation as an adult. A suicide attempt in my teens earned me a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, and I’ve spent nearly 2 decades complying with treatment – medication, intermittent periods of therapy, consistent check-ups.
A couple decades in, and nothing is working. The isolation, depression, loneliness… they’re getting worse all the […]