What came first, you depression or your crap life?
My Psych and my Doctor refuse to accept that my depression is a direct result of my crap life. They think my crap life is a result of me having depression.
If my life was not crap, I’d have at least some motivation to want to fight my depression because I’d want to get back to living my life.
My life is absolute crap so why would I want to stay out of bed for more than 1 hour each day. I don’t have the desire or the motivation to try and […]
update, I have things set up. I am drinking and thinking things over. Its funny because today my droid razr broke and then my xfinity cable box stopped working. So I am all alone with my thoughts! It is strange how things happen at the same time when I am about to do something. I hit my phone a lot but today it guess it had the final hit and then the screen broke. LOL. After all the times I beat the crap out of it for being slow and me being impatient and infuriated. This is the time it broke! My cable box won’t […]
If I could try to describe the way I feel it would be like an egg without anything inside. Then imagine that same egg being put under intense pressure. smashed broken and shattered….Its like this feeling in the center of my chest….not physical pain….but it just feels like darkness and despair. Â I can laugh at things that make me laugh but its absent of happiness…. I cant genuinely smile at anything. I don’t appreciate or value anything life has to offer. The sunlight has become dull and gray and when its dull and gray outside that is sunshine to me. A flower looks like a […]
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
No one is there for me when I need them. No one is there to catch me if I fall.
Family? Nope.
Friends? Nah.
Suicide hotlines? Not even.
“No one can love me” because I’m “so weird and selfish.”
There are people who are willing to argue that that’s not the case, but I bet they’re too fucking busy to even care. Hahahahahahahahaha ;).
Dad’s lectures are stupid as fuck and full of loopholes.
Mum’s his trusty yes man.
And I’m sorry, but the perfect, obedient son you’re looking for is in another castle.
Should have just eaten me when I was an egg, you god damn FUCKERS…
…HEY NIGGERS! YOU WANT MY LIFE […]
My wish is to not have been born. I’m not good at living. It exhausts me. Physically and mentally. I’m exhausted every day from simple things like having conversations. I don’t want to kill myself. That is, I like the thought, but then I think of how this would destroy my parents, and I just can’t be that selfish. It’s hard for me to be myself with people. And I wish I had one person I could feel totally at ease with. But I think I feel that myself is not good enough, or that I don’t know who “myself” is, and then I feel […]
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