I was scared .. I am scared. Everyone needs saving, even I do. I need it but I don’t want it. I don’t want the cliched lecture that things will get better or the sympathetic conversation that reveals your place in our relationship that you’re there for me. Â I don’t want empty words to stall my decisions or help me to even consider changing my mind. I think about it all the time. I have set myself to learn to be content with death. I think of where my soul might go .. drifting through the darkness and blackness of empty space that seems to […]
Tag:
Empty Space
i was watching a bunch of science videos today on youtube (theyre damn entertaining). i learned that the radius of the universe is 14 gigaparsecs wide. 1 gigaparsec is 3.3 billion light years. 1 light year is 5.88×10^12 miles. 93 billion light years across. thats a ludicrous amount of space and its all full of mostly nothing. the earth is just a small rock floating in all this nothing.
to compare; there are over 1 trillion bacteria on the skin of an average human. these bacteria are about 2×10^-6 meters long. a 6 foot human is 1.83 meters. that means that we humans are almost a […]
I had not felt like this in so long. i haven’t been eating or sleeping i try to make myself happy but its not working. I cant find a job. I feel like I have lost all my friends. I fell in love with my best friend but she doesn’t know it. Currently we are in an argument and she decided to stop talking to me. Consequently she’s been spending more time with her friend who likes her. She said I hurt her with our argument and is not sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like everyone I’ve ever fallen in […]
I always seem to float in-between. Not one thing or another. And I’ve been dead for so long now that I’ve forgotten how to be alive. I’m a zombie. So I was wondering, could someone please tell me how to live? (This is not a sarcastic/metaphoric question.)
Hoping and planning
A jubilant day
Swimming in my fantasies
Senses dulled by illusion
Almost real
Talking and laughing
Near to you
Blood aching under my skin
So aware of you
Almost close enough
Cutting and scraping
My emotions away
Dyeing the world with rivers of red
Delusions clouding my judgments
Almost numb
Trying and grasping
The edge of the knife
Dangling […]
The every day has become so petty. It is such a struggle to put up the front of being “okay” with the way things are when it all seems, and often is, so meaningless. It takes courage to walk away from a job and security without a backup plan. How do I look at myself and decide what I can do that makes me feel good…maybe a long forgotten chidhood dream can be pursued. It seems easy to be surrounded by selfish and weak people and hard to find people supportive and caring.Â
Suicide is not easy; Although many people say that it is.  It […]
I try to remember why I wanted to kill myself. I don’t know. I can’t recall, but somehow I still know why I want to be out of this “reality”. Sometimes I wish I was in an empty space, where I can hear nothing, not even a sound, not even me breathing, nothing at all.
I was 12. It was long ago now. I wanted to die, but i never found the courage enough, then this person cae to me, she helped me a lot, and I don’t even remember what she looked like. I felt I was I love with her, she took care of […]