I lost all hope

I had not felt like this in so long. i haven’t been eating or sleeping i try to make myself happy but its not working. I cant find a job. I feel like I have lost all my friends. I fell in love with my best friend but she doesn’t know it. Currently we are in an argument and she decided to stop talking to me. Consequently she’s been spending more time with her friend who likes her. She said I hurt her with our argument and is not sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like everyone I’ve ever fallen in love with just leaves me. I keep blaming myself and saying that if i were different things would be different. I know shes happy with out me. I don’t think anyone in this world needs me. All i am is empty space. I wish i could die to end this loneliness.