After playing video games for a while I decided to take a nap and I had a nightmare about my time in the hospital and I ended up waking everyone up with my screaming (I occasionally talk in my sleep) and my mother keeps bringing it up… I told myself that I would stop cutting but again I failed :p I suck but whatever. Hey at least I admit it! 🙂 Anyway I’ve decided to kill myself but I keep pushing it back. I don’t know when but I don’t want it to be spontaneous because then i’ll make a mistake and have […]
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It rained here in Colorado. Only for a bit, but for those few minutes, I was actually happy. Everyone looked sad, and I stood out in the rain grinning like an idiot. Rain smells good.
I think that there are bad times and good times. There has to be us sad loser folks to show the giddy happy people how they DON’T want to be. Light and darkness. We are the dark people, and we are meant to see darkness. We are the martyrs who are cursed to show everyone else how blessed they are. People never learn by education alone. They have to be shown. We don’t ever know what we have until it’s gone. Dark things happen to everyone, but you know the ones that are destined to darkness. They are the ones that don’t make it, so they can show the lighted people […]
i think everyone goes through everything in their head before committing suicide. How everyone will feel and how everything will be afterwards. I guess I’m finally on that stage. I have nothing else to think. Anything that pops into my head it’s to get away from everyone. Stop hurting people I love. And to leave the people that dont need me anymore. I dont have a purpose here. Who am I kidding? I just haven’t committed into really leaving because I want to be here to see everyone else’s reaction when I’m dead. When they’re in the funeral. To see the trueness in people. Now, […]
If I only could
If I could fill your hurting soul with love and happiness,
I would.
If I could fix your broken smile and light your eyes with life,
I would.
Believe me, If I only could, I would.
I’m not good at this, I wanted to give it a try. xd
I wish I could make everyone smile, just for a second.
Well hello there beautiful people of the universe how is everyone doing? It’s been awhile since i’ve been here. My depression started when i was 12ish in 7th grade and i thought i was getting better because i decided that i didn’t want to feel like shit anymore and became positive and i didn’t want to die by eighth grade i was happy or so i thought. Anyways i was good and mentally stable for a whole year before i turned 15 and it all went to shit again. For people who don’t know i got hit by a city bus and you know survived […]
It definitely feels amazing when they say I’m thinner.
Feels even better when I say “no” to food while everyone else is helplessly stuffing their mouths. I am strong. I love this feeling.
I am scared, and confused.
I wonder why the voices won’t leave my head.
I hear them talking all around.
I see them when I try to sleep.
I want to get rid of them.
I am scared, and confused.
I pretend that they’re not there.
I feel their presences, it gives me chills.
I touch my mind to erase what I’ve seen.
I worry that they will be around me forever.
I cry because everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I am scared, and confused.
I understand that medicine won’t take them away.
I say that medicine doesn’t help to my doctors, but they don’t understand.
I dream […]
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
I’ve decided that I want to do this.
I have everything planned out, I just need to finish writing my letters. A long time ago the plan was to write a letter for everyone who has ever been a part of my life but now I just want to do close friends and family, it’s too overwhelming to try to write something for everyone, especially people who I haven’t talked to in years.
I feel like this is what is meant for me. After years of fighting and hoping and praying I just can’t do it anymore. Nothing is ever going to work out or stay going […]
I’m laying bed alone depressed all day no one cares a cut again twice deep but who cares I have no energy…I just want sleep nobody really cares for me why do I try I just need to end my life it’d make things better for everyone.
I’ve been acting for my entire life, and I’m getting tired of it. However, every time I try to stop, people immediately begin criticising me and start comparing me to other, better people. I’m not useless. I’m a bad example. I used to be the person that everyone wanted me to be, but now I don’t know. I don’t know whether or not I should live. I don’t know whether or not anything is worth living for. I don’t know whether or not this is a bad dream and I’ll wake up soon. But mainly, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face this. […]
My name is Justin Smith. I live in Lexington, KY. I am 26. Talking with everyone here has been truly uplifting. You are all so awesome in your each and individual ways. I had the privilege getting to know a few of you and got to share thoughts with a lot of you. Thank you for that. I am at piece with this. Not all situations can be fixed, nor are all situations worth holding onto after broken. My life is broken. My heart is broken. I would not say my mind is broken, but my spirit is broken and my will is broken. There […]
i was caught cheating in school (actually the teacher saw the writings on my hand after the test) and never have i gotten into so much trouble. I told my parents in advance about the thing and they were so disappointed. i know all of these is my fault and my reasons will never be valid.
i just wish the guilt will go away. i have been back to feeling depressed again because its been hell for me lately. its the end of the school year and they’re just dumping schoolwork on us like there’s no tomorrow. then i got caught cheating and i feel worse. […]
My best friend is having a birthday party in a couple weeks but it’s at a water park. My thighs have pink raised scars and there is no hiding those in a bikini. I’m going to try different ways to cover them up and if that doesn’t work I guess will be “sick” that weekend. I would feel really shitty about doing that though. I never thought I would live long enough to have this problem. It’s not like I want to put a damper on everyone’s day by explaining my scars. I hate getting attention. Surprise everyone I’ve found a religion that requires me […]
I’m sick and tired of being alive. Give me a reason not to die. And please, that reason can’t be “Things get better” etc. All of that is bullshit. I don’t believe in that.
I’ve been said things like “You can’t love others if you can’t even love yourself”. I have just a few friends, but none of them understands how I feel. Everyone but one person. She’s like my last reason to be alive. She has suffered a lot more than me, but she takes the time to listen to my problems. One day I know I will lose her. One day I know […]
People who sit there and brag about cutting to everyone and they shove it in everyones face piss me off you dont go and tell everyone out of the blue i cut because i wanted too. Or people who make fun of it. Its not exceptable. There are people around you who do it cause they feel theres no other option. Who want to tell you off because of it. Because you dont know the pain of the people who do it to feel something again.
Laying here alone in bed
Staring the cuts on my legs
Wondering is it even worth it
Is it even worth living this life knowing everything is against you
Yes it’s worth it, you hear from everyone
But that one little voice in your head tells you its not
That little voice powers over everyone’s voice
Soon enough this life you live becomes dark lifeless emotionless
Listen to the noises around you
Listen as they fade away
Soon this life you live becomes over
Dead.
Today, once everyone leaves me alone, I think I’ll cut. Nobody ever took away my knife when they found out about my depression.
I though I would stop cutting, but I really feel very guilty for some reason. I feel like I smother her. If I didn’t dive in too deep with her, if I didn’t fall so deeply into love with her, maybe she would still care for me. It’s my fault.
Hi there everyone! my name is Katie and i recently just stumbled upon this place and i decide to make an account and tell you guys my story and maybe help someone who is in need of something like this ;P I’ve never done this before so give me some slack ^.^ Alright well the first part of my story starts when i was in 3rd grade. I was a bit chubby back then (still a bit now) and was pretty much the only chubby kid in my school my school was very small and was a traditional baptist church/school everyone new everyone. And you […]