I am fairly new here. I found this website in my darkest days and I am not sure if it is gonna make everything better or worse but it is good to read people’s experiences and have a chance to help them. I can say that I have survived and strayed from the darkest version of myself. I hope I can help you also! I am here when you need me. I mean it.
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I’m not really sure how to start this, honestly ten minutes ago I didn’t see myself writing anything at all. You search something on Google and end up on a website, just reading posts. As the title suggests this is just me rambling…reminiscing…ruminating…for a lack of a better word just babbling. Madman Joseph at your service.
Throughout my life I can’t really recall a specific time when I’ve been happy, I’m sure most of us can relate to that. Though more specifically I can’t remember when my happiness wasn’t a result of something someone had done for me. It’s almost as if my happiness depends on […]
I sometimes go to bed thinking everything will be better the next day and that my life is just a bad dream. And when I wake up reality snaps back in to me and than I remember. I am an embarrassment to the family according to my father and I am useless to society. My goal is to inform others of what I live trough everyday.
Sometimes this helps. Just a little bit, when my feelings are tumultuous, anxiety is creeping through me and my stress levels are rising. I am overwhelmed by everything or nothing at all and It feels like I am at melting point, but I just want to stop feeling. To evaporate into thin air and just simply cease to be. Away from everything and everyone.
I Stop and I breath. Close your eyes if that helps, but breath in and out slowly. Concentrate on the air, going in and out, feel your chest rising gently and feel a wave of relaxation roll through your body, slowly washing over every […]
He handed me a pair of pliers
and he told me to pull out his teeth,
because as long as he had them he’d
use them to do bad things.
You’re cold on the inside,
there’s a dog in your heart
and it tells you to tear everything apart.
My body’s covered in teeth marks.
Your bite’s worse than your bark.
You ruin everything you touch and
destroy anyone you love.
You’re all over me.
He’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of many others,
infecting them with whatever was already inside him.
He’d broken all their hymens,
cut them open and played inside them.
I joined SuicideProject.org last night and thought I’d introduce myself:
I have battled severe depression (and later suicidal feelings) since I was a teenager. I kept everything to myself until a few years ago when I revealed to everybody in my life what I had been going through. I won‘t say things have been perfect since then, but they have improved – I guess you could say I have been in “suicidal remission.”
Anyway, that’s the summarized version of my story. I plan to pop in here whenever I feel I have something constructive to add. I used to be quite good at helping people with their […]
For three years I’ve been depressed, as the doctors say. Last month I hit what felt like rock bottom. Still, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk about it here. I feel like I should be happy since everything comes so easy to me. I’m so angry with myself for purposely failing my tests and I just want to hurt myself for hurting everyone around me. I feel so guilty. I love my family and my friends and I’m only hurting them by feeling this way. The pain and emptiness inside is overwhelming, and only seems to be growing. I don’t know if I […]
At some point in life, you have to take a deep breath and think twice. You have to put aside all the things that made you cry, and look at the brighter things in life. Like going home to love and support, instead of going hold to a homeless shelter because you’re poor. But always be thankful for the life that you’re livin, because you could’ve been just another abortion. Sometimes we don’t see a reason for livin’, because we are raped, abused, and mistreated. So we cut, do drugs, and become suicidal , for some of us the voices in our head can make […]
So around a year ago I was the worst I think I’ve ever been, I was covered in cuts, barely eating, throwing up everything I did eat and overdosing around 3 times a week. I lost my friends and my family were just ashamed of me. I was kicked out of college and lost my job. I attempted recovery for around 8 months after coming out of a short stay in hospital, but now, just as I thought it was all getting better, I can’t stop thinking about suicide. The only person I’ve ever truly loved decided it is possible to be totally 100% in […]
still sitting here hating everyone and everything…if its just a chemical imbalance then why is it not fixed? yeah things suck but they will not get any better either.
You make me the happiest, but you make me the worst. With you I feel Complete but I also feel lost. I need you in my live but you make it harder to fight. I’d do everything, even If that means ruin myself for you.
I don’t know how to. How do you just spill out the contents of a bottle that has been filling up for the past few years? The nightmare I’ve been so afraid of, is finally here.
It won’t be easy to pour out everything. I’ve gotten so used to storing this within me, it’s part of my life already. Oh how I wish I could tell you. But I don’t know how to. I suck. I really do. I am sorry.
Hello, I am 15. I am suicidal, I guess. I don’t want to die, but I know I should. I feel the need deep within me. Basicly, I’m gonna spare the details. I am a liar. A big one. I lie about everything. Whether it be how I’m feeling, or what I’m doing, or my life as a whole. These fantasys I create, make me seem interesting. They make me feel like my life isn’t just a drop in the ocean. Ie: I have made up a story about how I used to drink alot, and sleep around. Which is only parcially true. I’ve had […]
This is my first time using a site like this, i have always felt weak if i tried getting help, i have had depression for 7 years. I have been able to control my bad thoughts most of this time with distraction methods, this only works so much of the time, when I’m at my lowest nothing can distract me from the pain i feel, i struggle to put in to words what it is that makes me feel this way.
The main cause i suppose is my life being an absolute mess, everything i do goes wrong, every time i try and make my life […]
So, I told my doctor that the voices are getting worse, and he told me to tell my psychiatrist. And I did.
What a load of bull.
She refers to the as ‘thoughts’ and ignores them. I’m sorry, but I know the difference between thoughts and voices. These are voices. And she doesn’t even do anything about them.
My mum told her I was crying to her about them, yet she still did nothing about them.
She doesn’t ‘think they’re a worry’.
I can’t even go a day in school without them being there.
I disrupt classes by yelling at them, skip classes because of them, and have had multiple days off.
My therapist forced […]
It all feels like a dream right now, like I am no really living, but at the same time I see everything as clear as the day. And it scares me how much I want to end my life when one of my greatest fears is living. I don’t think any of my friends understand how much I am going through.
I want them to understand, I want them to help me, but I know that they can’t because I can even help myself out of all of this. My mom doesn’t believe me when I told her that I might be depressed, she wouldn’t even […]
Uh so I’m John, 12 turning 13 on November 19. A little more than a year ago I started getting loads and loads of messages on instagram on my face, my body, and everything about me. I’m 92 pounds and not proud of it, pansexual, and gender queer. My family is Catholic and they don’t approve of me. Everyone keeps saying “Oh your siblings will never approve of you they’re your siblings!” But it’s not the same. They call me freak, emo dumbass, little Shit. Just because I love who I love, just because I don’t have call myself male or female. I’m atheist and […]
Hi…
this is probably gonna be stupid. I doubt anyone wants to hear my problems, but I guess I’ll tell you anyways..
Well. I’m 12, and I have a pretty good life. I have a loving mom , a nice sister , I see my dad regularly , my mom and him never got married . They still keep in touch tho. My life’s just average. We don’t have a lot of money tho. but we’re doing fine. , I also have a very amazing caring bestfriend.<3 , but I don't tell her entirely everything.. I told her that I've cut […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
Why should someone stay alive ? No one feels your pain , your sorrow . No one really knows everything you’ve been through . I was rapped , then hurt by the love of my life . He cheated on our anniversary . How could I believe he would change when he asked me to take him back ? I was hurt , sad , depressed . I was going through a transition in my life . Before he cheated I had ran away from home . I walked from my house all the way to my grandmothers house . My mom didnt love me […]