I was just wondering is there anybody else who has experience/ has BPD I was recently diagnosed with it, even though in my chart in the hospital it was recorded 5 years ago but to my knowledge I was never made aware of it. about a month ago my stress levels were through the roof leading to a lot of self harm and suicidal thoughts, I was also abused as a child both sexually and physically so my intrusive thoughts were quite graphic and vivid. this lead to my dissociating and basically i lost my emotions or any i did have were warped i left […]
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experience
i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but […]
Anyone have a memorable experience with the passing of a pet friend?
by Mizuki1000
written by Mizuki1000
Today I buried my dog. My best friend an only child like me could’ve had. I had to dig the hole and put her in it. The thing that made me so pissed was the fact my grandmother would not help me pick her up and tried to make me bend her legs to get her to fit in the hole I told her was small. I had to move her body to the side of the hole to make it bigger. My grandma did not tell me she wasn’t acting normal. I ate breakfast, and played on a computer while my dog was dying.
My […]
There are times when I feel like I want to destroy the whole world – to obliterate everyone who’s life isn’t as wretched as mine – to bring it all to an end. If I can’t be happy, why should anyone else?
In my less childish moments, I suppose I believe that it’s good that human life exists. That there are many people who enjoy friendship, fall in love, pursue things that seem meaningful to them. Even if that necessitates there being people like me, who can’t experience those things, and feel their absence. Even if there are people who experience unendurable agony for long periods […]
Well I’m finally to the point where I’m ready to go. I’ve been a waste of air these past few months anyways. I thought soo much better of you, but as always, you never fail to disappoint. “Did he say anything about not being able to see his son for his Birthday?”. Yeah, I heard all about it like always. Your hurting him the most out of all of us.
But I forgive you, mainly because I have to. I guess a lot has to do with the fact that despite what you’ve done to me, I still love you. Must be unconditional love, who knows. […]
1 hour and 30 minutes into new years and my mum stars just screaming at me like a fucking cow. Keep in mind that this was not the first time she shouted at me for no reason. I don’t know what i did wrong. I’m questioning myself over and over again. I’m planning either killing myself by and overdose or just fail but experience severe pain. Note that i come from a Muslim family even though in my perspective, i think that all religion are a joke. It is believed in Islam though that you will go straight to Hell if you self harm or […]
My father told me that he thinks our cat is “on the way out”. On Christmas Eve. All I could say is “Why would you say that to me?” and go to the bathroom, my safe place. I turned on the water and cried for half an hour, my mind going to different places where I would be in less emotional turmoil. I wish I could experience everything I imagine for real, but I am not meant for any of that. I thought maybe I made it up in my head, and my father didn’t say any of that to me. He didn’t even apologize […]
I don’t see the point of staying alive anymore.
This is the conclusion I’ve come up with after the past 7 years. I just don’t see why I should keep going.
I’ve been faking my way through life for years now. My parents doesn’t know about it and if they did they’d make it worse.
I’d like to talk to a friend but i don’t have a lot and none of my current friends would understand how i feel.
Over the past year I’ve started to feel less and less joy from doing the things i liked once. I tear through book and don’t think any thing about them. […]
im tempted to take these tablets maybe theyll help the hurt go. maybe if i buy more, space them out over a couple of days make it look like an accident like i didn’t mean to do it. idk.
breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
All I’ve been doing, for nearly twenty years, feels like it’s amounting to nothing. I feel like If I were to die tonight, I’d have lived life to the fullest. I’ll be 34 on Yule; I’m still pretty young as considered by some, but it’s like I have nothing else to experience, other than the things I’ve been doing for the past two decades since my emancipation. Does anyone else have this feeling?
Some days are really hard to get out of bed. Today I am going to work but it’s tough. It helps to get out of my way but my brain doesn’t fire all the time.Anybody have any experience with this?
I’m so tired of living (more precisely breathing). I wish I was tired of posting the same old repetitive story about my frustration, guilt and unsuccessful attempts of redemption too. But this is the only thing I can do, sit in front of a laptop and write about how miserable I am and how much that I hate myself. One prime reason that my guilt has amplified is because I could have avoided that.I used to be on the other side, the brighter side. I should have/ could have tried a little harder to change things for good but my attempts failed miserably for the […]
So the plan I had created, exactly October 24, 2012 is still in. And I have to say I am really proud of myself. Because on that day I wanted to go home and kill myself. But I told myself, “not yet, because you’re still a kid. What if your life gets better after your graduate.” So I graduated high school that year, and I made a promise that I will try to community college and then transfer to University, so experience life a little. I decided to let myself try at least one semester in university, away from my parents and family. And try […]
i don’t know where to begin. I’ve been suicidal for about a year now.
I am a Christian
Let me tell you why I decided to add the previous statement to my post. Yes, as a Christian I do believe in heaven and hell. And I believe that after all I’ve done on this earth that is where I am being sent.
That’s why I’m still here. I’m afraid of what I believe awaits me in the afterlife, so I haven’t killed myself yet. I don’t want to experience hell. Trust me if I for sure knew I was going to paradise after I cut the switch I […]
I have been depressed and suicidal for many years. My desire to accomplish some of the goals that I have in life is the only thing that is keeping me alive. Experiencing a peaceful death is one of the goals that I have. It is a privilege that very few people that are suicidal get to experience.
I don’t believe that a suicidal person should have to experience negative emotions like fear, anger, and sadness during their final moments. I believe that a bullet to the head is always the best way to go. The death will always be quick and painless if the gun is […]
Last year I was hospitalized and then I went to a residential treatment facility to be treated for an extreme depressive episode. I remember self-admitting to the behavioral health unit. I was so out of place. I had never had an experience like that. I’ve never used drugs, and in my group therapy sessions I saw first hand how much pain addiction caused.
It’s been a year since I was released. I’ve visited with a therapist, and I’m still seeing my psychiatrist.
After all of this, my thoughts of suicide are creeping back in. I read a story about two teenage girls who killed themselves, and one […]
A little while ago, someone posted an experience about support (or lack thereof) with depression. I think the poster tried to tell their mom, and the response was something like “think more positively, you don’t have it bad at all,” etc. It occurs to me that other people, myself included, won’t tell family or friends about depression for fear of similar shit. Bottom line is, most people do not understand depression. Even a lot of depressed people are WTFing.
Even a lot of therapists, I’m told, have no idea what the hell to do. When it comes down to it, […]
Am I the only one who uses alcohol/pot to get through the day? I mean I know it’s not good in the long run, but in the moment it helps. I get to a point where I literally cannot bear the pain, it’s just too much, and I honestly feel that if I didn’t have to booze to wear me out and let me forget i would drive straight to the Golden Gate Bridge and jump. I feel like booze have saved my life a couple times this week, I just drink to the point where I don’t have the energy or motivation to hurt […]
I need to get help for my manic depression for once. Always been scared of seeing a doctor but yesterday I finally see its only a short time before I completely become useless. I’m running out of time. I’m a 32yr male.
Please, if you can.. tell me your experience with manic depression, what your doctor told you and treatment and your opinion on the whole experience. Please tell me as much as you can cause I’m so scared to be put away. It’s gotten so bad and starting to literally get out of control.
It has to stop or I’m gonna just kill […]