I saw my therapist today yipfuckingyee… she doesnt understand anything, its so hot and i feel as if everyone is screaming at me, even the little sounds sound like freak explosions, i dont feel suicidal just more attached to pain and mutilation, why do i still plot my inevitable suicide anyways? Ive just become obsessed with the idea of suicide as of late. Nothing can change my mind, besides getting expelled from school, having shit grades, and seeing/ trusting no one, everything seems gross. Masturbation is possibly the only relief i get from this gross thought process. I wish someone would kill me now because […]
Tag:
Explosions
I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
I thank you all for the time you took to reply to my post. It was very kind and thoughtful.
Courage to put my life in harms way was easy to find, as I knew why I came here and who I was working for. Even when the mortars came in, I wasn’t afraid. I hear gunfire and explosions, yet I have no fear. Not of an earthly type of death. The death I truly fear is of being alone, of giving up my dream and quitting on the people who I love and have worked my entire career for. […]