When I look forward and try to picture my future I see absolutely nothing. That petrifies me, that feeling of dread catches in my lungs and I don’t know what to do. How do I make it go away? Dear god I need something. The blade is not enough anymore, I love her, I always will, but it’s becoming dull. I fantasise about suicide, the how’s and when’s … pills or hang from a rope or a trip off a ledge, if you dare. I want more than anything to make it stop; I need it all to fucking stop. I have never attempted, I […]
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Feeling Of Dread
Every day its the same thing, like a movie over and over.
Middle of the night you wake up, sweaty, confused, afraid. That same old feeling of dread hits you. Why can’t you sleep? Every night it’s the same fuckin thing.
You wake up hating yourself and wishing you were dead, you start to think of Cutting, that always works.
But tonight Cutting doesn’t help, you are overwhelmed by a strong hatred for your life and a desperate need to kill yourself.
You remember the Plan
You dig around, it’s here somewhere, you wrote it yourself, you knew it would come in handy one of these days.
As you read your own hand writing you are drawn to a happier […]