I don’t know how to make decisions. Even small decisions baffle me so how am I supposed to make decisions regarding suicide (do I really do it? how? when?). How do you make crucial decisions when you cannot foresee the future? Let’s say my future is going to be three more years. I have a wasting condition so those will certainly be suffering years. However, I could commit to grit my teeth and bear it because I know my suffering will be done in three years. That will save my family from the pain of losing me by suicide. That way I won’t have to […]
Tag:
Foresight
i feel numb
all the time
now.
now that i cut
i feel like there’s
an ice-cube on my
mind.
like there’s an ice-
cub covering my
heart.
like i can’t feel any-
thing.
i can think, that’s for
certain.
like i said, this, this
cutting
has saved me from
ruin.
i can think. the cutting has
helped
me pull my life back
together.
mostly it was my school
life
meaning my grades and
whatever
that was falling apart when i
had
nothing to hold onto, nothing to
cling to.
and so now that the cutting has
numbed
my feelings and made it so i can’t
feel
i can concentrate on thinking
bringing
up those grades and being
less
stressed. which is a good thing.
but
it gives me stress, too, like
what
if […]
Depression hits us all, I think. There’s not a single person I have spoken to that hasn’t felt it’s clammy hands around their soul. It seems to be caused by many things, from big life changing events, to small things that just build up and knock a person off their feet eventually. Â I’ve had it time and and time again, but usually managing to shake it off like a wet dog. Â This time however, it’s crippled me.
I’ve seen death burn through a families hope, I’ve felt that pain. I got through it.
I’ve felt the devastation of a loved one no longer loving you. I got through […]
After studying least painful suicide methods for many weeks now,  I came to conclusion that properly done partial suspension hanging is the least painful way out.  And I do have a proof.   This morning  I tried my noose that I made yesterday from strong leather belt with strong, large D-ring style buckle (one of those “Lewis” designs),  to “try and see the fit”.
I had the noose hanging from a staircase railing, put it around my neck. Â I lowered my knees and the very moment when I felt the noose closing tightly around my neck veins (without choking me), Â I realized that this would be “it”. Â My […]