i am an adult, now. at least according to the law – i’ve been an adult for quite some time. i’m 23 years old, on my fourth year of university and nowhere near graduation. i’m majoring in something i don’t love because i don’t love anything. i live away from my family – which is and has been broken for eight years, my mother so depressed she can barely hold a conversation that isn’t self-deprecating and shame-laden, my dad so lonely that it’s physically painful to speak to him, my younger brother so, so angry – and my two friends, who are the only meaningful […]
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Fourth Year
Well, i thought it was time to introduce myself. I’m a girl, sixteen years and I’m from The Netherlands (Please don’t mind my spelling and grammar) . My nickname (Engeltje) is Dutch and it means (Little) Angel. I live in the area of Amsterdam (I guess most of you know Amsterdam :P) . I live with my parents and an older sister. So that’s the general part and now a part that goes about my life. Okay, I’ll try to keep it short, so I will only tell the most important things.
I don’t know how it goes in the USA, but in The Netherlands […]
Hey to everyone here on SP. going to start by saying how much I admire the strength you all have for reaching out to a site like this. I’ve been reading for a while, but never registered. I wish i had done it a long time ago. I’m at my fourth year in college, and I suppose in retrospect of my life, it’s always been a steady emotional decline, with small spikes of good big enough to keep me from noticing the downhill, but small enough to keep me from thinking things would really improve in the long run. I ran in front of a […]
As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
What a joke. I actually thought my life would get better. Ha! The first time I really considered suicide was in 8th grade but, I talked myself out of it because I thought surely this was only a rough patch and things would get better eventually. The second time I seriously considered suicide was in 10th grade but I thought that maybe once I got out of high school, things would actually begin to improve. Maybe when I reached college I would finally start having the life I was supposed to have with friends that cared, guys actually liking me, independence, goals…Well, freshman year of […]
they prescribed me wellbutrin– an antidepressant, and risperidone, an antipsychotic.
i’m not psychotic. I just have a neurochemistry problem. schizoaffective disorder, maybe– “disorganised thinking comorbid with mood disorder”. i was in the hospital for six days this october, on the behest of my school psychiatrist. oh it was just like “Girl, Interrupted” except I didn’t have the manipulative roommate. I was put on seroquel, then they added abilify. mild numbing and mild despair. oh on the 4th day Dr Bashir actually got to listen to me for 20 mins and I got taken off abilify and was put on wellbutrin. my school psych replaced the seroquel with […]