Why the FUCK can’t my ex leave me alone? I check my cell after work to see if my mom called, and saw a voicemail. Naturally I thought it was my mom, calling to tell me that she was already there, waiting to pick me up. Nope. It was fucking Alex. This time he kept how he loved me, and he’s sorry for leaving me when I was ready to kill myself that night, and how he’s sorry for calling me a ***** ass ****. Then he started saying he loved me, and how it’s hard for him, and how he thought he should apologize […]
So I’m not ready to die yet, but I don’t feel much like dealing with life all the time. I just want to sleep all my free time away. I hate weekends, too much time to think. But my sleep cycle is completely normal, sadly (haha).
So I’ve been thinking of taking sleep aids to just force myself to sleep all day. I just want to eat and go back to bed on days I don’t have work or school. Breaks are unbearable… Somedays I can see friends, but not always, and being by myself just makes me think too much and I can’t stop […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/tmp_02-the_front_bottoms-maps-2076840222.mp3 Every day is the same repetition of mundane tasks at work and the same panic and emptiness waiting in the background until I am alone with my thoughts. I’m out of friends, out of dreams, and out of hope. My motivation is so non-existent that I can’t even go through with my plans for suicide. It’s too much work to write the notes and find a place and get everything in order first. Last time I was spontaneous and tried all I got was a sore neck and face full of mud. The only thing I look forward to anymore is getting so […]
catch a falling star and put it in your pocket… save it for a rainy day…
I was always told this.. and through my life I have had plenty of falling stars to catch…
but now it seems like my rainy days are over powering my stars.. im getting thoughts in my head, feelings that I cant be free of, images that haunt me.
I just need something to save me from myself.
Miss me but let me go
When I came to the end of the road and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom filled room, Why cry for a soul set free. Miss me a little–but not too long, And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared, Miss me— but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take, and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the Master’s plan, A step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, Go to […]
That is what they say isn’t it….that you shouldn’t hurt yourself. that it’s wrong, unnatural. but i find that the people that usually say that. are the people in a judgmental position and have never felt enough pain to want to hurt themselves. To feel like they deserve to be hurt. these , of course, are my opinions and you’re free to disagree with them, but i think that if you have felt enough pain either physical or emotional in your life(or both) and you feel the need to self-harm. i fell that it is a coping mechanism and should be used….thoughts?
As a child I started hating everyone. 2 years ago it got worse and i stopped going out, i didn’t go to School anymore, I stopped eating and never left my room. My mom started worrying but she didn’t know what to do so she just argued with me before she called a psychiatric and a lawyer which said that they will hospitalize me in some time. I had to wait about 3 Months before the could take me, they said. I was glad to be free so far although I was just sitting in my bed all day. Then I decided to end this pain. […]
Are you there God? It’s me, Fox (Reality)
Please let my soul go free.
I am suffering very badly.
Please.
Yours Sincerely,
Fox
i think everyone goes through everything in their head before committing suicide. How everyone will feel and how everything will be afterwards. I guess I’m finally on that stage. I have nothing else to think. Anything that pops into my head it’s to get away from everyone. Stop hurting people I love. And to leave the people that dont need me anymore. I dont have a purpose here. Who am I kidding? I just haven’t committed into really leaving because I want to be here to see everyone else’s reaction when I’m dead. When they’re in the funeral. To see the trueness in people. Now, […]
Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this […]
pure empty awareness no self transcendent infinite skylike mind indestructible primordial eternal peace that your true self or ur reborn as a fkin ignorant worm dont roll the dice with the youniverse remove those created barriers and become free <3
Aww another day of this face I have to put on daily the happy to be alive face. When inside I am dark ,sad,alone crying I have been this way since I was 15yrs old I have survived multiple attempts on my own life been institutionalized once or twice lied my way Out this face sometimes is hard to keep up that darkness inside me overwhelms me and I go somewhere and take the mask off like now in a place with over 360 people I am crying alone.but I cannot stay this way the mask must be put on again I long to be […]
I just found it today. I don’t know you have read it or not yet… hope you enjoy it
Here is the full article:Â http://shakeoffthegrind.com/emotional-health/free-yourself-by-letting-go-of-what-you-cant-control
have a nice day!
I have come to a realisation about myself. I have realised i am beyond my own control. I usto think that I could rule my mind with an iron fist, that i could stop the darkness, with nothing but my will. It vexed me, Oh how it vexed me when i failed but then i realised something. I realised the reason i failed was because i was not ment to succeed. Why would i be ment to change what and who I am?
I have faught the darkness in me for far too long. Now i realise i was never ment to fight it, I […]
There’s a drug called Risperdal which is supposed to help people with schizophrenia and certain types of bipolar disorder. Today I saw a commercial urging men who had developed male breast enlargement syndrome after using Risperdal to join a lawsuit against the drug company. The law firm, or team of lawyers had an easy to remember, toll free telephone number: 1-800-BAD DRUG. The advertisement featured a depressed looking male who looked like a teenager. He was sitting on the floor as he held his head in his hands. Apparently he wasn’t too happy about developing female breasts. Thankfully, all he has to do now is dial a toll […]
I have an appointment this afternoon with my therapist. Â Do I tell him that my suicidal thoughts are beginning to reoccur with greater frequency? Â For so long since I was hospitalized last year, I’ve been free of thoughts of killing myself.
I don’t want to go back into the hospital or into a residential mental health facility because I’ve admitted my depression is growing. Â I also don’t want to disappoint my family by relapsing.
This weekend my wife, my oldest daughter, and I visited my youngest daughter who’s away at college. Â I was very irritable, probably more so than at any time since I was treated. Irritability […]
In modern society it is expected of every citizen to have and maintain a regular work schedule as well as a panoply of organized events which can range from exercise routines, hobby and pragmatic practices to cultural traditions such as celebrating holidays. When stripped of the stability that conforming to time provides, many people transition into a baffled and confused state, rendered helpless to the ambiguity that exists in life outside of routines and schedules.
Personally, I am wildly enamored with and have vehement passion for Chris Mccandless’ philosophy of life: “The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy […]
I am haunted by ghosts of my past
past failures and mistakes
Failures and mistakes that makes my future dark
I am scared to live
I am scared to enjoy what is good
I am scared that it will end like my past
how do I brake these chains that’s holding me back
how do I brake free from these ghosts that’s haunting me
how do I live again???????
I really wish that I didn’t have mental health it trulry sucks! You don’t know how ur going to feel from one day to the next especially with bpd. Why can’t I just be free from all this pain.
its not about waiting for ðthe sorm to pass its about learning  tood dance in the rain 🙂