Dont you dare give up on this life

March 11th, 2014by audreyk

As a child I started hating everyone. 2 years ago it got worse and i stopped going out, i didn’t go to School anymore, I stopped eating and never left my room. My mom started worrying but she didn’t know what to do so she just argued with me before she called a psychiatric and a lawyer which said that they will hospitalize me in some time. I had to wait about 3 Months before the could take me, they said. I was glad to be free so far although I was just sitting in my bed all day. Then I decided to end this pain. Well no, I didn’t feel any pain in this time, I was just like “nothing matters anymore” and that sucked. So I putted on a Pullover to cover my cuts and went to 4 different pharmacys to buy sleeping pills. One of the pharmacys didn’t wanted to sell me the pills so I had 60 Pills when I came home and my mother was happy because she though I would go out with friends again and started to live a normal life.

At the same time my friends starting to notice something. I had 2 best friends, a Girl and a Boy. They both knew that I bought These pills. My male best friend came to my house and tried to take them away, he sat by my bed on 6 am. and tried to take me to School, he told the teachers I’m suicidal and they called my Mom. 3 Days After that call I should be taken to Hospital. I thought “now or never” and took all the pills when I texted my other best friend that I love her and I am going to kill myself and she replied with “Good luck” – In this Moment I believed that she was my best friend and he was just an annoying Boy pretending to love me.

My mother found me in my bed and it was a very hard week for everyone. I was 3 days without any sleep and the doctors said they does not know if I will survive. My Mom sat by my bed in Hospital all the time and I saw my male best friend although he wasn’t there. I can’t remember much of this week but I remember how my best friend and his mother cried about me. It felt so awfully but after I felt better physical I did a Therapy for 3 Months.

Now I self harm less and although I have suicidal thoughts I won’t kill myself. It is because of my REAL best friend. He cried because of me, and now I am crying about him because he got sick. He will die soon, it is something like cancer and he can’t ever get healthy. But he was there for me, so I must stay for him.

Find something that matters to you. Look for a reason to stay !

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