After I lost my friend, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, I wound up joining the wrong crowd. I was always a little bit of a drinker, I mean I liked the taste. But I got a little too tipsy one night, and I wound up sleeping with this guy whose last name I still don’t even know. I wound up getting pregnant after that, but I tragically lost the baby before I could even tell anyone, including my family. I wound up spiraling down into depression and “cutting” and I was just in a funk. As soon as I […]
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Funk
My over zealous wife signed me up to do a relay marathon tomorrow evening at a zoo. Â She is hoping to break me out of my “funk”. Â Maybe I will jump into the gorilla pen and they can get the life insurance.
Slept in on saturday.  I  got two extra hours of sleep on sunday.  Went to bed an hour early last night..  And i can barely even stay awake this morning.   I have no energy.  My body simply hurts – like I have just been swinging a sludge hammer all day.
Why am i always tired.  Why do i always feel like I have to just lay down.  How can I continue with the ‘stare at my computer and ignore all the work that is piling up around me?’ Absolutely nothing excites me anymore (other than literally for a minute at a time, and then right back into […]
I keep telling my guy that it’s getting harder & harder to not end my pain. I am flustered and short tempered with him bc I want him to help me, I want someone to see that I do not attempt I have been talking about it for a long time, that when I try I will in fact die. I have these reels of rapes and hurt, abandonment, success then failure that just play in my head and I cannot get them to stop. I did a program for PTSD and I use to be some hot shot CEO, but it’s like… I still […]