Aftermath

After I lost my friend, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, I wound up joining the wrong crowd. I was always a little bit of a drinker, I mean I liked the taste. But I got a little too tipsy one night, and I wound up sleeping with this guy whose last name I still don’t even know. I wound up getting pregnant after that, but I tragically lost the baby before I could even tell anyone, including my family. I wound up spiraling down into depression and “cutting” and I was just in a funk. As soon as I started to try to help myself after multiple counselor a and therapists, I wound up getting raped. I thought they were going to kill me because I saw one guys face and could testify. They wound up leaving me somewhere to find my way home, I just remember lying in the street hoping that I could be dead. After that I decided there was no hope for me, I stopped going to church. I wound up cutting out society all together, I lost all my friends because I was afraid to go out, and I would never say what was going on. I wound up being so done when I was painting my nails one day, I just drank the bottle, it obviously did not kill me, I just became very sick for a while. I decided once I had gotten healthy again to try agin. I could ever let someone deal with finding my body, so I did weird and stupid stuff, I started pulling furniture on top of me. I tryed to smash my lungs with the heavy furniture. I wound up reaching a breaking point when I tied my bed to a rope, payed under it and dropped it. No damage. Still alive. So I tried to hang myself, possibly the worst option ever. But the stupidest thing ever saved my life. A text. From Facebook saying that the guy I had a crush on accepted my friend request. A friend request. He had no idea where I was or what I was doing, he just so happened to be the older brother to the friend of mine that hung himself and died. I know he blames himself for what happened to his brother, and I know because of it he got into drugs and alcohol and parties. I just wish sometimes that I could tell him that he saved my life, but I can not find the words. I have tried many times, but I do not want to ever