The standard advice for suicidal people is to reach out to someone. And yet it is our relationships with those we care about most that seem to steepen the slope of our depression. Girl problems, boy problems, family problems. It really really pains me how many children are depressed and suicidal. When I was a teenager I could at least tell myself i was young and that there was time and life would get better. But it didn’t. I just have more pain and more guilt and more cynicism. I. just can’t seem to relate to anyone. Some time back i promised myself I […]
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get better
Have you ever wanted to die, like, it’s all I really have ever wanted. Hell the first time I tried to kill myself I was 8. But no matter what I can’t because of my family, because I’m scared to death of hurting them. Even though they’re the ones who kicked me out because I called them out on stealing hundreds from me, the people who abused me and beat me no matter how much I cried, the people who screamed how useless, lazy and worthless I was in front of Everyone I knew when I was in 4th grade because I got a D. […]
Okay, I’ve read some stories on here and they made me feel like I could share mine. When I was in seventh grade I was a really happy person. I was like everyone else. I laughed, I played around a lot. I was always happy. Then towards the end of the year this girl (I’ll call her P) started to harass me. She constantly talked bad about me and said terrible things. She would write posts about me on Facebook and say I didn’t deserve to be alive. I don’t know why she hated me so much. Her and her group of friends would constantly […]
Your smiling so hard, you can almost see the tears behind it. Fake a smile.. Everything will get better right? No, it fucking won’t. I’ve been dreaming of shit to get better for the past 2 years.. not a single thing has changed, it’s just all gotten worst. Fake people at school, knowing that to my family I’m just a disappointment to them.
I really don’t know why I’m doing this. When I first told someone about my ..situation, she said that maybe even though everything felt unbearable at the moment, it could get better later.
It’s not like that for me. Everything is always unbearable. The way I feel, and sometimes don’t feel, scares me. I’m tired of not being able to go through my life without thinking I really should kill myself.
I’m tired of the part of me always making excuses, always thinking “what about your parents? How will they feel?” and I’m very tired of feeling like I’m faking all the time. I’m tired of my […]
so I guess this is my own first personal entry here. sharing personal stories has never really been my thing but I ll give it a try.
I grew up in a what most people would probably call ‘golden cage’.
daddy a big-company manager, mummy a doctor. broom-stick-up-their-asses-rich-people.
From early age on I was their marionette; had to learn how to play the piano so they could show off with me at their business dinners; made me take ballett lessons; the list is as long as time and filled with various stereotypes it s not even funny. Whenever I did not obey I was either beaten […]
I don’t know much about this site. I don’t know if anyone is actually reading this. I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to make anything worse. I only want to write; I love to write. I can’t imagine I’m very good at it, but I love it. It’s among the only things that distracts from everything else.
I really can’t do it anymore.
I’ve tried so hard for so many years. The depression, the anxiety, the stress, the unprecedented shame and awkwardness, the never-ending pot of guilt, and the hopelessness. I’ve seen so many counselors, I’ve been on meds, I spent a […]
To say get better when you don’t have to.
To say there’s help when you don’t need it
To live when you don’t want to die
but
It’s hard to stay alive when you can’t stand to open your eyes to another day
You curse the day that you’re awake
You hope today is the day you’re brave
enough to take your life away
Suicide…why do people think I’m crazy?
They’d rather have me alive to watch me slowly die than to take myself out.
I’m looking to escape everyday
hope is finding the way out
I need to get out!!!
Why is it so […]
I’m failing school.
The past few days have been really, really bad. Whenever I study I feel this sense of hopelessness and I am unable to bring myself to believe that I CAN, that if I work hard enough, I CAN get an A…
I tried to stop binging and purging. Well I stopped purging but I couldn’t stop binging. That sucked because I got fatter. I guess you have to get worse before you get better? Maybe I don’t have enough patience in myself. But it really got me down. Because I feel like there’s nothing I’m good at anymore. Not music, I don’t believe I […]
So recently I met someone. were officially dating and well its nice. He calms me and keeps me grounded, but i still feel like I’m going to drown, part of me feels as if i have to go, as if even if things get better, my mind and soul has chosen, and that my year is almost up. I haven’t shared with him my plans to go, i doubt i ever will. I hate how everyone thinks that he has managed to fix me already, i seriously don’t see how you can fix me. You cant fix monsters.
anyway, here’s a short story since i haven’t […]
I don’t think I can last til Jan, maybe I’ll speed everything up & check out on my bday (nov 29). I am so sick of living with these inconsiderate idiots! She doesn’t even seem to care about her own children! He put them to bed without showers & still in their sweaty, dirty day clothes. He is such a hypocritical, chauvinistic prick, writing rules for all of us to follow, but they don’t apply to him.
They are both downstairs, playing video games & have music up so loud it is amplified in the kids bedrooms! I can’t even be in my own ‘room’ cos […]
I suffer from severe anxiety among other things. If xanax didnt exist I probably would’ve gone insane and peeled my own skin off by now. Lately, I can’t sleep. Let me correct that, It won’t let me sleep. Every time I start to relax my heart rate increases and I feel like I’m going to vomit. This anxious demon inside me is getting angrier. I can’t think of my future without almost having a panic attack. My death seems to cause me less concern than my prolonged life.
How do you quell a monster that you can’t control? I’m tired of the anxiety and the […]
So my Dr. forced me to go to the hospital on Wednesday and I got out yesterday. I dont really know how that helped me. They upped my doses of meds. I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts in about a day. I haven’t choked myself with anything either but I still fill depressed. I really Dont know how its going to get better. It seems like I’m in an endless hole of despair.
I’m 27. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager and quit high school when I was 17. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts ever since. I’ve lived many years as a hermit, then started going to therapy and I was institutionalized for a year. Then last year, when I had turned 26, I was done with therapy and I needed to take the next step, so I went back to school. I don’t have any diploma’s, noone is going to hire me (nor am I ready for a job), so school it was.
I did not intend to create this post but because of the interest my last post made I decided to add this one.
Many have asked not only here but during the many hospital admissions that I have had to read my living will. Being on the “Inside” of healthcare I have seen the many loopholes that both family and physicians have used to get around a persons living will and provide treatments that the patient NEVER wanted.
The two biggest examples that I know of are as follows:
1. Excluding “Treatable/Reversible” conditions. Let’s say that a persons living will states no to mechanical […]
i’ve wanted to be an artist since i was 14. make animations, draw comics, create illustrations, whatever, my mind has been set on that goal from the moment i realized that that’s what i wanted to do for the rest of my life.
the problem is, my art sucks.
at first that didn’t bother me much. i mean, i just started, of course i suck. i’m still young, i’ll get better, i just have to keep practicing.
and for 2 or 3 years, that’s what i did. i looked for resources online, asked my parents to put me in an art course, started keeping a sketchbook. really wanted to get […]
I can’t take this depression anymore and I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard and I’m always surround by people that love me but yet I feel so alone. I’ve been depressed for 5 years and it has gotten better through the years but this week it has gotten so much worse that I can’t take it anymore. I know I will be hurting a lot of people but they get better during time cause time heals everything. And i’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.
Hi again all you humans. Its been awil since I last posted. But today I randomly felt like I should… well what ive decided on saying is this… this is my messege of hope to every one out there. Don give up. Sometimes things might take awil to get better or change. They might never change. But we have to keep fighting. Oblivion is inevitable people. Early or late it happens… we cant change that… there are many reasons a person could feel these ways. We feel… lose of a loved one. Child hood abuse. bullies. Hating yourself. Negetivity. Etc. Milions of reasons. I might […]
As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]
I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make […]