In the past few months I slipped into a deeper than my usual constant state of depression and decided ‘that’s it, either I die or I stop living like this.’
I went to my doctor for sleeping problems and was prescribed Trazadone. It’s made me improve a noticeable amount, at least with sleep. I thought maybe I could get better, but what do I look up tonight? I want to kill myself. A third of my life’s been shadowed by depression and I’m tired. The second I got the prescription to the pharmacy I was looking up overdosing on it. Would I be easy, would […]
“But life is so beautiful”
Um no it’s not
“It gets better”
Riiiiiiight. I am 17 and I’ve been feeling like an outsider my entire life and it’s just magically going to get better someday? I call bullshit
It’s been a long time coming and many failed attempts are piled up amidst the endlessly towering walls I’ve built up. Not everything I do fails. Not everyone I meet I make unhappy. But enough do that it might as well be everyone and everything.
I don’t want to hold on. I do so for others and fuck, I have tried. I moved, moved again, got a new job, adjusted meds, started therapy. The thoughts– fantasies, perhaps- of my demise never find a chance to subside.
I’ve been depressed since I was 10. Abusive and oppressive household and general faulty wiring to blame. This turned into severe […]
I like staying busy… When I am busy my mind can stay off all the negative things in my life. But when the music stops and it’s quiet. I find myself all alone… My mind goes into a whole another world…
i just wanna pop the pills and take one too many….
i just wanna fall sleep and never wake up…
but i fight these thoughts every night in hope that one day things will get better. I pray they will get better because of they don’t I am not sure how long I will last… I am only human…
I simply don’t look at life the same way others do. You can look at is as a miracle but I see it as a simple meaningless cycle. We laugh, we smile, and we cry but in the end it is ALL for nothing, you die. You die and then those who remembered you will die and then you are forgotten. I’d give the same advice to those I will leave behind “be strong, look on the bright side, things will get better.” Just when will they? If you’re telling me this everyday and nothing is changing then you are lying. Some say life is […]
So yeah I’m here cause I wanna die but I guess I wanna write my story? Leave one final mark on this world or something I don’t really know…
I’ve been pretty much bullied my whole life. I’m 19 years of age and in college with a part time job. I don’t really remember what life is like without the depression. I’ve pretty much been depressed for since I was about 12..when I was old enough to really understand the bullying. It wasn’t the typical type of bullying so many people didn’t really know it was happening to me or if I told them just thought […]
Let’s see where to start when everything is wrong
My life is a mess and it seems to just get worse
I try to work it out I try to fake a smile
Every time I see the shimmer of light
I get dragged back down into this darkness
Inside my chest is this hole that never seems to heal
Despite my efforts and my attempts it’s the same
Gashed open arms stapled shut
Medication overdose, drowning
Always being found before it’s to late
Dragged to the hospital yet another week
In solitary alone under suicide watch
Every attempt always the same
What’s the point of saving someone
Who doesn’t even want to be here in the first place
Why […]
Well, I sure did put my 2.5 cents in today on many comments. I was inspired, for lack of a better word.
Whew. Apparently, a muse somewhere struck me with the writing bug this morning. Or, y’know, too much caffeine to know what to do with myself.
I will be gone for a few days. My mother’s memorial service is tomorrow, and I’m taking the rest of the weekend to remember and honor her. I’m sad she died, but I’m relieved she’s not suffering anymore. I know without a doubt she’s responsible for the events in the past two days. It’s my mother’s undying love […]
I used to have suicidal thoughts as a younger teen. My mother had a rough childhood in China and would accidentally try to force me into her ideal life. But my mom also would call me a lazy ***** or fat pig (i used to be quite the chubster). I just want to say that it would have been helpful to know someone loved me out there. I felt deprived of the affection i deserved. I understand if you don’t give a bit but i just want all of you to know I LOVE YOU more then you could ever imagine. All of you no […]
I don’t know where to start.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. That alone was absolute hell. Every day was about reading the bible and going door to door to convert people. I never had time to be a kid. To make it worse fun was practically a sin. When pokemon came around I wasn’t aloud to play, because Pokemon were “Demons”. When Harry Potter came around I wasn’t aloud to read, because harry potter is a “Warlock.” Instead I spent my entire youth learning how to speak in tongues, how to convert someone, that I’m a bad person. There were no holidays in my […]
Last monday marked the year mark since I tried to commit suicide, it’s been a very hard three years, somedays I just break down crying wondering how I ever got to this point in my life. I’ve been this way my whole life, I can remember suffering with depression as a child waiting to grow up thinking I would grow out of this. Thinking that the heavy sadness I felt was just a phase. It’s a sadness that has taken over my life and i wonder how different things would have been if only I had, had the courage to seek help when I was […]
I hate how I’m in so much pain the muscles on my body are so tensed n I can’t even relax now I’m stuck in a loop of pain n misery my spine need to get better if not I will be in pain forever I don’t want that. I’m tired all the time I don’t like to be in so much pain I feel like I’m never going to get any better my spine n back are messing up my whole body n the bones everything is different my neck is forward but twisted the muscles are so everything is such a bothersome for […]
Good day everyone,
Terribly sorry for seeming helpless and sharing too much of my personal issues here, but when one is desperate for help they take any opportunity.
I’ve been researching on ways to avert suicide and I came upon this site. I have been battling against suicidal thoughts since I was 11 after a classmate demonstrated, in front of our very eyes, how to slash wrists. (Mind you, she just wanted to show how brave and utterly reckless she was for doing something that makes her feel above others who couldn’t, at the time, even consider harming themselves.) – I followed her footsteps when […]
I hate my body I really don’t know what to do in life I have no talent n I can’t be of any use to anymore we’ll at times that what my stepdad thinks. But I sometimes believe him I wish I wasn’t in so much pyshical pain n to try n get better while waiting I feel so scared n wonder about how am I still here. It’s difficult right now my body feels like a accordion I hope I spelled that right cause certain areas of my body feel either twisted or stretched out why is there hope… but I want to talk […]
Has anyone never let anyone in before. Not out of fear but simply not caring enough and then met someone who they thought walked on water and was prepared to die for. I love her so much, it’s been 10 months 3 weeks and 2 days since she left me. It’s not like I’m a loner or anything I know loads of people who love and care about me. I could get another girlfriend who’s more attractive. But there’s something about her, I just adore and I don’t know why. It doesn’t make any sense and isn’t logical at all. She has confirmed repeatedly she’d […]
My name is Randall Edwards and I am here because when I was 17 I google searched the words “I want to disappear” and found this site. I am now nineteen and I am suicidal because I am alone. I am away from my friends so much now that a part of me feels like I’m meeting them again for the first time when I see them. Tomorrow I’ll be seeing my best friend tomorrow for the first time in roughly a month and […]
After so many years, probably 8, I really can’t believe things will get better. The joy I used to have is gone. I just get through my days. I can’t picture how it will ever get better. And it’s not for lack of trying. I try so hard. I keep trying new ways to feel better. Everyone thinks I’ve got it all together. But every day, I think about how much easier it would be to not keep trying. I can’t imagine I could do this life for 40 more years. And I’m well aware that a lot of people have it worse off than […]
At times all these emotions n thoughts come.to.mind when I’m hurting or feeling down I hope that someday I do get better but for now I’m just going to have to struggle then but if I can’t endure this anymore I’m going to have to throw in the towel
I’m tired these muscles spasms n my anxiety makes it worse I feel like dying every day I want this pain to end my whole.body hurts I’m everything I do to make myself relax n try n get better it sucks nothing help pills or cream or this pain it feels like my body is going hunchback n shit it really hurts n want to get surgery but doctor needs more info from.my scans I have to take n I can’t stand still arm muscles feel so bad I’m getting worse I’m.any better I want stop this I’m hopeless can I call it quits I […]
I hate being in pain my back n muscles hurt why. I really want to get better but I don’t know how long I can wait before I just give in my spine is curved it messing up my whole body because the spine has a whole bunch of nerves n it makes me feel awful about myself I don’t want this pain